At Your House Playdate
A truly horrific experience and one to be avoided AT ALL COSTS. The least favourite of all playdates. You are expected to provide food and entertainment. This is because, worse case scenario, the children don't actually play (defeating the whole bloody object grrrr). Also there is no way round it, any more than one child and your house will be wrecked. Raisins will be shoved in holes you never knew existed. And someone will piss on your couch.
Get them started young.
Soft Play Playdate
More preferable. Especially on a school day where it is a bit empty and it is indeed possible to safely ignore your child without some nutter kid smacking them in the face. Only issues is the horror of said child being stuck up on a high weird slide and then they expect you to get them and quite frankly you're terrified. Also those places just stink to high heaven of feet and sh*t. Never forget the urban legend of the day someone was sick in the ball pool. Shudder.
Sure you can play in rancid germ ridden balls.
At Someone Else's House Playdate
DING DING DING! Jackpot! And double jackpot if it is the summer, and we can go outside and they are providing lunch! Hallelujah! Yipppeeee! The actual dream. Go forth children and play freely and happily. Make as much mess as you want. You spilt your pop? Never fear. It's not my house! You weed on the couch? No worries. It's not ours to sit on! And eat as much of the lunch as possible to tide you over to tea time! Ram those sandwiches down your gobs and yes thank you I will take a few cakes home for tea.
Run around children. Run free!
I am not fearful my lovely, lovely friends who I playdate with will be offended by my words. There is an unspoken rule. We all do it. We all relish the chance to tactically ignore the children whilst having a drink, a gossip, spelling out swear words and chomping on biscuits.
We take it in turns to have our couches pissed on. Or climb up a terrifying firemans pole to grab a sobbing child. And we are all used to finding raisins shoved in DVD players. It's fine. It's all about solidarity. Without the joy of 'the playdate'. We would go mental otherwise. Fact.