Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Pleased to meet you. I'm hybrid mother.

I am a part time working part time stay at home mom. So a PTWPTSAHM. Catchy no? I'm not sure that will catch on. Basically I work two days a week and have done since I went back to my job after my boy. Pre my boy I was full time.

I'll be honest. I'm struggling. I'm not entirely sure where I belong? I've not given anything up. I don't feel I've sacrificed anything. I can't join in full time working conversations. Or SAHM conversations. I'm this weird hybrid.

When asked by people what I do I'm never really sure what to say. I'm at home more than at work being a teacher but I still work? I'm not fully around to do all the pre school run and clubs and things but I'm not at work to do all the worky things either. I'm generally all round out of any loop that's going!

Love being off with the sprogs but I'm not sure where I belong?

In my first meeting back after being off on maternity leave I cried. In front of everyone. Like a total lunatic mother who couldn't control her hormones. I just didn't know what to say or do. I feel I'm torn between two worlds.

I controversially work because I love it. And I controversially stay at home because I love that. I've had people say to me "oh its a shame you have to stay at home because you can't afford to put your children in nursery full time". And I've had people (countless) make the hilarious and never boring, no not at all, 'part timer' jokes. I get criticism (although rarely said with malice) from both sides.

I've written this as I would love to hear what other part time parents feel? How do cope? Do you still feel a sense of worth at home and at work? Is what I'm feeling normal? Help! 

                     Mother.Wife.Me

18 comments:

  1. I know what you mean. I am a part-time Science teacher. I gave up my responsibility as Head of Biology after my first maternity leave to work three days a week. I constantly felt like I was missing out on things - from important school stuff to gossip (which made me very sad). But because of working, I am restricted as to when I can meet up with other mummies. Don't feel like I fit in with either mummy group. Am on 2nd maternity leave now - not looking forward to returning to work in May :-(

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    1. I think the social aspect is really hard. I miss pub on a Friday but don't really get to meet Moms at pre school as my Mom takes my girl. I'm always a bit behind with everything. Which is crap xxx

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  2. I'm a part time worker too but at the moment I'm in the office four days a week (one being a 3.5 hour day and one a 5 hour day - the other two 8 hour days). For this reason I don't feel too out of the loop when I'm at work (although I'm dropping the five hour day come April so then I'll only be in 2.5 days). There are also several other mums in the office in the same part time position as me so I'm not alone. I'm only really with the children full on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and, to be honest, that's enough for me! I guess I'm really lucky because I feel like I get the best of both worlds but I can see how you could feel out of it if you had lots of SAHM friends talking about nice things they've done while you were at work, or if I was younger and had colleagues who were always arranging extra-curricular nights out, etc. But that's not the case!

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    1. That's really lucky! I work with lots of young people who love going out boozing so I do feel left out but I do really enjoy my two days in work which does give me a sense of using my brain and having a good giggle. I also love being with the kids. So I guess really I am lucky! xxx

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  3. I went back to work after my first child, from full-time to two days/week. I think it is such a nice balance as your children are mostly with you but you also continue your career and have grown-up time. Count yourself lucky. I've started looking for a part-time job but can't find anything that it only two days. x #allaboutyou

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    1. Defo I am lucky. Two days is good and it does mean I can keep my career going along nicely. I think with teaching if I was out of it for a while you could easily forget what to do! xxx

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  4. I think your feelings are completely normal! I've been a SAHM for 8 years now but I used to freelance as an Artist as and when projects came up. In the last few years I haven't freelanced and it's meant that I often feel completely disconnected from the work world and also from friends of mine that work. It definitely felt like I had the best of both worlds when I still had my one foot dipping into work world.

    I've loved being a SAHM but I think being a SAHM long term has impacted on my confidence and identity, people constantly tell me it's time for me to get back to work and make suggestions of things I could be doing. It is well meaning but infuriating and reactions like these to a lifestyle choice I have made have brought out many questions about how I fit into the world and how others view my role as a SAHM. Largely my feeling is that SAHM's are greatly undervalued in our current culture but there again so are part time workers! We've got to fight our own corner because no one is advocating our value on our behalf and sometimes that can feel extremely isolating. Thanks for this #AllAboutYou I'll stop talking now! x

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    1. Oh no keep on talking! I think you are right. At my work I'm always put of the loop. I think some people just feel like I am being kept on the payroll and aren't really doing anything but on those two days in I work like I was a full time staff member. I think being with the children all day is a really important job but people do tend to think it's all about making cakes and watching tv. It's not! Grrrrr people annoy me. They comment about us being off but I would never dream about commenting about people who work full time as I appreciate their job is important too! I'll stop talking now ha ha ha xxx

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  5. This post makes me want to beat people about the head on your behalf! It's your family, it's your life and if you are generally happy then you are doing the right thing. It's great that you love your job - that is quite rare I think, so hold on to it! I think the early years with children are very hard, confusing and full of public spouty-eye moments. Why, I had one the other day in Boots. One of the staff had to give me a hug. So, whether you're working or not, it's a roller coaster time. Luckily we have our blogs to distract and amuse us :) xxx

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    1. Ha ha ha ha! Defo lots of weeping around here. I do love my job and I am really lucky that 99% it makes me happy. I'm really pleased to be able to keep teaching in some capacity. I had a moment in Boots too once. Wonder what that's all about? xxx

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  6. I know exactly what you mean. I work a few hours a week from home as a freelance writer. I don't go to an office or have set hours and I do a lot of work after they've gone to bed. My boys go to preschool for their 15 hours and my daughter goes to a childminder for a few hours so I can do my thing but I feel like I'm a stay at home mum because I do all the preschool runs and mostly they're at home with me. I think I've got the best of all worlds and I kind of like not fitting into any boxes. I don't think I could be a full time SAHM or a full time office worker - I like the variety of doing what I do and I love the freedom of being my own boss. Here's to us PTWPTSAHMs everywhere! xx

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    1. Yay! It is kinda nice doing my own thing and I do love being with my kids so much. I think people who work full time or stay at home full time are a marvel. I imagine both are super hard. Let's make a club! But I think we need a shorter title! xxx

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  7. We should start a PTWPTSAHM gang! ;-)

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    1. Defo! Let's start a gang! You can make the badges though. I'm not sure how I will fit all the letters on it! xxx

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  8. I think this acronym says it all... What a load of twaddle it is having to define yourself by where you spend your hours, men don't have to. Sounds to me like you have a good balance. If you are happy and your kids are happy, that's all that matters #AllAboutYou

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    1. I am happy. I think I'm a bit tougher now and kind of roll with it a bit more. And also I'm too tired to care! xxx

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  9. It's so hard isn't it? There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving your work - you've worked and toiled for years to be able to do something you enjoy and are good at, so why should you (be made to) feel guilty about that? As Luci said above, men certainly wouldn't consider feeling bad about working. It is frustrating that people don't put SAHMs or PTWMs on the same pedestal as they do WMs - you are actually possibly doing the hardest job of all. I don't think any of what I've said is helpful, but yes, I'd guess most parents - sorry, most mothers who work at all (whether part time or full time or in full time childcare) have this dilema. We all need to stop beating ourselves up, we don't deserve that, and we do a massive amount. #AllAboutYou

    Mama-andmore.com

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    1. It did used to upset me but now I just kind of roll with it and get on with my job. I am so lucky that I love teaching so much. I would miss it. I think staying at home all week is incredibly brilliant but just not for me. My girl loves that I'm a teacher and I took her to school for a visit which she adored! xxx

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