Monday, 31 March 2014

Toddlers just ruin things. Like fun.

I have a dream. A dream that one day we can go out as a family. United in the one same aim that we will have a vaguely pleasant time. That we will enjoy each others company. And that we will have gasp...'fun'.

Toddlers just ruin stuff don't they? Just bloody well ruin things. No matter how much you plan. No matter how many snacks and sneaky fruit shoots you hide in your bag, or extra money for £100 ugly helium balloons/manky souvenirs. On family day trips they act like utter and complete arseholes. 

Let's think back to last year. We had organised a glorious and relaxing trip to Center Parcs. We planned beautiful family moments frolicking in the warm pool with our new baby and (till then) beautifully behaved toddler. Skip to day three of said holiday. Where, and I kid you not, the girl had me cornered alone with the baby whilst my hub went on the slides (grown. man) and starting hurling giant connect four pieces at my head screaming. The reason? Unknown (obv). 

Plotting to smash my head in

Now Center Parcs is a bit posh. So I did that terribly middle class thing of laughing a bit too loud and a bit too long. Saying "come along darling that's not how you play connect four ha ha ha ha ha HA!" Getting more manic by the second. Till I managed to drag her off round a corner and went terribly not middle class speaking though gritted teeth issuing punishments involving naughty doors (far FAR worse than the 'step). 

It's not got much better since. I always appear to be dragging her off screaming from somewhere or wiping tears away or getting her to smile for a bloody family photo which she point blank refuses to do unless chocolate is involved. Gah! I reckon by Christmas. She will be four and life will be simpler and happy times will be resumed. 

Then the boy will be hitting two. Oh Jesus. I'm screwed. 

Smile! Smile! Smile! No? Sod you then. 

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17 comments:

  1. Oh dear. I dread the days when Baby L answers back or starts acting naughtily. I have no idea how I will react. most likely getting red cheeked and embarrassed if in public haha. I'm sure it can only get better :) x

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    1. The only way is up! Defo! Roll on those days! xxx

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  2. B is 4. I call it the fearsome fours, far worse than the terrible twos and threes.... ;-)

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  3. The tears of rage I have shed over non-family photo-compliance! Argh! Love this! X

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  4. Oooh how I know this.

    It gets better ... Honest .. Probably

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  5. It does get better......Well apart from photos! My 6 year old will either scowl or just pull crazy faces! Can't win...lol

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    1. Stupid ruined family photos! What's wrong with them all? xxx

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  6. There was a time when I have a phobia of going out with my toddler. He slapped me once on a table at Ikea resto in front of a lot of people. So .. a bad experience. But he is more relax now. I still have that fear but im getting over it slowly. #pocolo

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    1. Oh no! They like to do things in front of people to get the maximum effect don't they! Little sods xxx

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  7. Little sods indeed! Love you telling it like is. They like to put our parenting to the test in the most public of settings - I've dealt very rationally with the worst ever public tantrums and then sobbed like a loon as soon as we're all locked away in the car. *sigh*. I find my four year old's meltdowns are the worst I've ever seen. On the plus side they are fewer and further between! #PoCoLo

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    1. I have been known to sob int car. Or get in, close the door, slide down it and sob on the floor. It is the only way to vent without killing someone! xxx

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  8. I'm sorry but this was hilarious! Yes, the little sods really do!! This is exactly what Ross would say about it all as well. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

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