Now? Mmmmmm I'm not so sure. Being thrown into the world of being a parent has made me a bit crackers I think. Nothing can prepare you for the sleepless nights or time and energy that goes into being a mother. But what has screwed me over is the brain power it has taken.
I think through every decision I make as if this could be 'the one' that ruins my kids life and means they end up in therapy. Like every one. And I do believe entering into this beaut world of blogging and social media has made me even madder!
You get glimpses into other people's lives and the things they get up to with their lovely children and also the amazing interiors they have. And I look around at my little tiny abode with the messy playroom and my beautiful but quite frankly sometimes a bit mad kids and I think. Jeez something is going seriously wrong somewhere.
When I knew what I wanted!
Odd things I have mulled over at 3am are dummies (use of), sippy cups (leaking v non leaking variety), extra curricular activities (benefits of/my child's refusal off), toys (kids too spoilt or not spoilt enough)? And so on and on and on and on. I could bore you for hours.
I wish there was a plan with children and you could set your clock by it (oh like a gro clock! Imagine that!) But there just isn't. There really isn't. I awake in the knowledge that I have no idea what the hell is going to happen in any one day. Sometimes it's a glorious feeling. Sometimes plain terrifying.
So I'm going to try and be a bit more decisive and go with my gut instinct. Starting today. Or I'm worried I may miss this little tiny bit of time where "Mummy" is the answer to each question the girl is asked and where the boy clings to my legs as I go about my daily business.