Monday, 7 April 2014

You're in the (Mummy's) army now.

Now you may be a new Mum. Or one whose pregnant. Under the illusion that life will remain the same post birth. You clothes will be the same, hair clean, cut and highlighted. Shoes? That you will still rock a heel and your thong will be placed firmly between your arsecheeks. Apologies. Think again. You're now a fully fledged member of the 'Mummys Army'. Fighting against tiredness and moaning children. And even though you don't know it yet. It comes with a uniform. Think more boho shit rather than boho chic.

Shoes: if you can make it out of your slippers. Congratulations! You've risen the ranks from a mere Mummy Soldier to a Sergeant Mummy Major. Your shoe of choice will be a sensible boot or Converse if it's summer. You will be thinking as these are quite pricey shoes you're kinda still modern and fashionable. But you're not. They are basically just expensive slippers. Perfect for comfort and speed.

Bottoms: jeans or the legging. Or in my case fourteeen months after the birth of my second child. Maternity leggings, which are easily the worlds most comfortable item of clothing. They stretch, they wash, they tumble dry and can be worn with pretty much anything. Amazing, versatile, and if they ever go out of fashion? I'm royally screwed. 

Converse. Maternity leggings. Dog. Girl. 

Top: a top of the smock variety. Feeling fancy? Add a belt round your waist. I own a range of flowery dresses. The addition of flowers somehow makes me forget I'm just wearing a baggy, oversized top. Of course to be worn with leggings. Or if I'm worried the Mums at ballet class think I'm looking frumpy? I will pop on a statement necklace. The only statement being I look a bit of a tramp with a jazzy necklace on.

Hair: now it used to be a rule of thumb; have a baby, get all your hair cut off.  Not so. Not now the da da daaaaaa messy bun has been introduced! The saviour of the modern Mother. Hair a mess? Hey presto, one bobble later, a smidge of dry shampoo (talc in a posh tin) and you basically look like a model. Albeit it a model in baggy leggings with sick down your flowery smock. 

Going out (some hope!) clothes: see all of the above. But the flowery dress? Bit low cut oh and replace boots or Converse with a sensible heel. Ok not a heel. That would be a bit much and your feet would hurt. A jazzy ballet flat. A sparkly one maybe? Leggings? Sponge off the dirt, fabreeze and you're good to go. 

Flowery dress. Mom coat. Jazzy necklace. And shock horror. Clean hair!

Coat and bag: to compete the Mummy's Army look at all times your must carry a bag large enough to hold both gloves, a sun hat and everything in between. But not large enough to totally tip your buggy over whilst your child is still in it (it only happened once I swear! Ok twice). And finally to make you feel properly in the Army. The Mother of all coats. The parka. It's got a hood so keeps your messy bun dry, it's long enough to hide the top of your maternity leggings, and also if you choose wisely it can even go in the tumble dryer. Bloody marvellous!  And Kate Moss wore one once I'm sure. 

Extravagant extras: go on treat yourself to some nice socks. You overall may look a total state but I tell you for free if you're at a soft play with holes in your socks, or they are a bit grubby? I will judge your mothering skills. 

So you're all kitted out! You're ready to go to the frontline whether it be the playground, or rhythm and rhyme or just an escape to the park. Rain? You can't attack us! Mud? We will fight you and pop our Converse in the machine! Children try as you might the sand and paint from messy play will not ruin our flowery smocks! We are ready for you. Prepared. And we will win! 

(We won't win. They will always win. Was trying to be motivational. Obv). 

Boots. Mom coat. Maternity leggings. Girl. 

38 comments:

  1. Sparkly flats and the messy bun: My uniform! Great post x

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    1. Add a bit of sparkle and everything seems brighter! xxx

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  2. I still wear my H&M maternity leggings and it's been 2 years since my daughter was born. I'm glad I'm not alone.

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    1. Because the are just so bloody comfy! I brought some normal ones the other day. Not half as good! xx

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  3. Yes, yes and yes!
    In fact I did actually chop all my hair off after having Boo, but have grown it again in favour of the dry shampoo/messy bun look! X

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    1. The messy bun makes me so so so happy. It's the dream! Who needs to wash their hair? Not I! xxx

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  4. Hee hee hee!! I laugh and laugh a little too much - probably because it is a little too close to me. every.single.day!

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  5. Fabulous! But I really thought I was being quite cool wearing Converse, you've shattered my illusions! I've never worn leggings or a flowery dress/ smock, but I am now eight years post pregnancy, so I've got to have moved on a bit, right?

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    1. You give me hope! One day I will move on! xxx

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  6. Today I have been sporting the messy bun! Although, currently trying to resist the allure of a pair of Converse! x

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    1. God my hair is such a bloody mess today. I look such a state! xxx

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  7. maternity leggings - don't need ironing either!! woohoooo!! #sharewithme

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  8. I'm reading this wearing leggings, converse and newly cut off hair . . .
    I think that says it all reallly.
    #sharewithme

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  9. You forgot the floral wellies, surely? Practical and snazzy at the same time. Even if there is always a bit of Lego in the bottom of one of them... #Sharewithme

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    1. That's made me laugh as I have flowery wellies! Ha ha ha xxx

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  10. Ha, it's either leggings or jeggings with me, converse or boots! And, I do love a White Stuff smock :) Brilliant! #ShareWithMe

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    1. I'm considering jeggings for the summer. A new direction for me! xxx

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  11. chucks are just to easy to get in and out too! A uniformfor me. Lovelu post! #sharewithme

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    1. Thanks! Comfy is the way forward xxx

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  12. This is so so true! I love a chance to get out of the uniform but then stress about what to wear- maybe I need a necklace!
    #sharewithme

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    1. Pop down to Mataln or even cheaper Primark and get yourself a giant cheap necklace bab! xxx

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  13. I love this post. I was laughing and nodding through it the whole way. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me Week 10. I love your post each week. I am jealous I wish I could wear converse. I have bought two pairs both kill my feet so bad. They cut my heel and squeeze my wide foot. As they are slim. I am jealous they look so comfy. I struggle finding comfy easy shoes. I love the messy bun. Who ever brought that back thank you thank you thank you. I would otherwise look like something the cat drug in out of the rain if it hadn't come back. I have horse hair. the messy bun is my saving grace. #sharewithme

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    1. Oh horse hair is the best for a messy bun! A nice thick messy bun. I teach senior school children and the buns they have our utterly amazing. Like giant mushrooms on their heads! xxx

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  14. love it! Although I have been brave and descaled my mum bag to a smaller one lol

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    1. I feel I will always have a giant bag! I enjoy going to work if only not to carry a huge bag around with me at all times xx

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  15. I don't have enough hair for a messy bun but dry shampoo amazing and leggings. If I am dressing them up heeled (low) boots if not biker boots (usually win) and tinted moisturiser/bb cream god send for me #sharewithme

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  16. Haha very funny. Don't hate me but kids made me more stylish! Def yes to more comfortable uniform of lots of tea dresses but after the first 6 months of sleep deprived mess, they made me rethink my style-got a lot more adventurous. Fab post #brilliantblogposts

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    1. Oh you lucky so and so! Hopefully this time next year I will be out of the woods and be a style queen? Maybe xxx

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  17. P.S Please do add my Brilliant Blog Posts badge x

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  18. Haha, this is great! I cringe but totally resign myself to the fact that most of the time myself and 90% of the other mums at preschool look pretty much the same. We say hi and walk past each other and I can tell we're all thinking the same thing! And yes to dry shampoo too- all the time!

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    1. We are all the same! However at least we have got out of our jamas so well done to us xxx

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  19. Haha love this- so true!
    #BrilliantBlogPosts
    x x

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