Tuesday, 6 May 2014

When 1 becomes 2. A Survival Guide.

You may be one of those parents reading this who had their second child and thought you know what this is wicked I intend to have more and just breezed through the whole experience. If so? This is not for you my friend. This is for the person who has their second child and thinks "Jesus Christ this is a nightmare, when will it end and how can I speed up the concept of time so they both sod off to school".

My girl is a beauty. When I had her I thought this is literally the best thing in my life and I want to do it over and over again. I wept when I left her to work full time and vowed to cut my hours so I could spend more time in her company. Then when she hit 2. I gave birth to my equally beautiful boy. And you know what? The shit hit the fan. It. Is. Rock. Hard. It really is! Let's clear this up now. I bloody love my kids so much, but sometimes? Yes, sometimes in the past they have made me weep. There have been times when it was a three way weepathon. So. To help you I'm going to give you a few little tips on how to make it all a little easier for yourself. Make yourself feel a bit better during those times when you are covered in new born sick, and toddler potty training poo, sobbing at your incompetence. It's going to be OK. Promise.

That my brother. Is the sound of the shit hitting the fan. 

Get help
Whenever you can. If someone offers to watch the toddler in the first twelve months of having two snap their hands off. Say hell yes here he/she is and here's a fiver to keep them occupied. Also take advantage of your toddlers free hours entitlement if they are three or over. If not? Maybe try and stretch and pay for a day in nursery for them. This does not make you a bad mother. This makes you a clever mother who wants to spend some quality time alone with their new baby (or just wants to lie there watching a bit of Real Housewives of New Jersey in peace).

The TV is your friend
Controversial this one. OK I'm not saying Mummy Pig should raise your child. But you know what? It's not going to kill your tiny tot if the TV keeps them occupied whilst you try and settle your little one to sleep. Or just if you're knackered. It's really not. Or if it makes you feel to guilty pop on CBeebies. Hey it is a bit educational. They may learn some shit. Like mmmm about bugs and plants? Who cares it will shut them up. And keep you sane.

Nooooo Mummy Pig isn't our Mummy. I don't think?

Treats
On hand at all times. Hidden around the house. When my girl was 2 I had a whole box upstairs with just random treats in. Little toys, stickers, new DVDs, felts. And on those days where your baby is upset or tired or randomly crying for no reason and you have to stay in? Hey presto! Whip out a treat. Seriously. No child ever went bad from getting some Barbie stickers from Poundland. It saved my skin so many times. Treats = pure gold. Fact.

Go out
OK stop laughing. This does seem an impossible feat but go out. I am a bit of a tight person but investing in the City Jogger double buggy (and no I'm not being sponsored by this, it's just bloody amazing) saved my life. Go out anywhere. My friend said it is always easier to love kids when you are out of your house. This is a fact. Go to a soft play, go for a walk, go to the park, go anywhere! Babies just sleep and it may knacker your toddler out so they will nap too (THE DREAM!). Even gulp go to a baby club. I'm not a baby club kinda gal. But I did pop to my surestart centre quite often. I didn't make any lifetime friends but my girl was occupied. My boy slept and we got free snacks. Bargain.

Dirty Bathroom? But happy children.

Lower your standards
With baby number 1 she was weaned on amazing handmade purees. No chocolate till 2 and wore lovely beautiful outfits with teeny tiny matching headbands. The boy? Baby led weaned (give them a pork chop and let them suck on it), if his babygro was clean that he slept in I am not ashamed to say it, he wore that the next day too. It is not possible to be the perfect mother, it just isn't. As long as you are happy and your children are happy? Who cares if your one year old is having a few Smarties whilst you dry you hair? No one. In fact no one has to know. And for gods sake use a dummy if you have to! Ignore your Mother's or nosy neighbours advice. They are fools.

Starting a family is one of life's great adventures and sometimes we feel we have to show the world we are having the time of our lives. But 99.9% of us are struggling a tiny bit. Whether it be with potty training, or weaning, or getting the sods to sleep through the night. Having more than one does complicate life but now at 16 mths and nearly 3 and a half. There is light at the end of the tunnel. They are happy. They don't call me Mummy Pig and they don't beg me for Smarties (well not all the time).

Good Luck and God Speed!

They like each other! At last! 

badmumsclub

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com


Post Comment Love

42 comments:

  1. Fab post - and so true (needless to say it only gets worse if you decide to have a third). My younger son was on baby food jars from eight months (eldest was fed by Annabel Karmel recipes) and had his first McDonalds at 11 months. He's the cleverest person I know and is brilliant at sport. So it did him no harm whatsoever!

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    1. I love McDonalds and I have a masters! Mother said she gave me all kinds of crap. I would love a third but I worry how far my standards would go then! xxx

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  2. Love it! I am not a bad mother will be my mantra!!

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  3. oh i just LOVE this. I can relate totally and utterly to it! Two kids is four times the work!

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    1. It so is! I don't know why though? They are so small? xxx

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  4. Oh this is just all so true!! I braved a third as well - utter madness!! But the tv and the treats and the getting out and the in laws definitely saved me from going mental. It's fecking hard some days - we survive how we can, don't we?! Loved this brummymum! Xx

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    1. We defo do bab. Needs must. If I am sat in the park in the rain. And it keeps me sane? Then that is exactly what I shall do! xxx

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  5. lol well you know how i cope!! Going out is my savior though, i want to kill them if we are rained in all day ;)

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    1. Easier to love out of the house and this is a fact. I also enjoy popping to local fast food joints. Nowt wrong with a nugget ever so often! xxx

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  6. Brilliant advice and sounds pretty much what I did with my 3. Great post

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    1. Oh 3! Brave! Glad you enjoyed it xxx

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  7. Haha. Wait til your second one turns 22-24 months. You'll be drinking wine at lunchtime to dull the pain. hahaha

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  8. This is a brilliant post. I wish I'd read it 18 months ago before I had my second. When she arrived I seriously crumbled. Granted she 'failed to thrive' and cried 24/7 but even the good days were some of the hardest of my life. Everyone goes on about how to prepare for a first baby and how it will change you life, but there's a serious lack of chat about actually, in comparison, having two is a massive massive leap. I think people kind of assume that you've done it once, so you're an old hand by now. I agree with EVERYTHING you've said. Going out saved my life. Lowering my standards was unavoidable and without the help of family and friends I would have gone under. Great post lady - a serious topic, but told in a fun accessible way. x

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    1. I think there is. You are supposed to be like hell yeah this is ace and we can do a really good job and so on. But it is hard. Like really bloody hard. I love them but sometimes? Ohhh grrrrr. For the first six months to a year I was on edge. Now I just go with the flow and shove a chocolate coin their way ever so often! I am glad you liked it xxx

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  9. Bang on - love it. It's all about survival when you first have 2 - whatever gets you through the day! X

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    1. It is bab. Survival of the fittest. And how many packets of smarties a family can consume xxx

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  10. Haha! Love you. Think having 2 at once, I fast forwarded to this straight away. Every. bloody. day.

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    1. Oh god! I could not imagine it bab. Relentless!!!! xxx

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  11. Oh my life, Blonde Em, you are freakin hilarious! I have read this already but couldn't comment as was shaking too much with laughter. I love your work babs!xxx

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    1. Thanks babs! I like being called Blonde Em. Glad you're loving it. Now stop with the compliments. You've got my Bibs vote! xxx

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  12. Good sound advice my lovely, in fact I have just scheduled a post for next week along these lines... The photo of your kids in the bath reminds me of the face my 4yo used to pull right before terrorising the life out of her little sister - in fact she still occasionally pulls that face! Hope things have calmed down your end. My fun is just beginning now third time round xx

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    1. Oh will look forward to reading about number three! Three is my ideal number but my hub always says that we only have two pairs of hands! I shall read with interest xxx

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  13. Fantastic! As a fellow tired out mummy of two kiddos I salute you! ;-) xx

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    1. One day maybe we won't be tired. I doubt it xxx

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  14. I think you are going to have to be banned from the Bad Mum's Club Emma - you are clearly a great mum who has got her priorities all right. I totes agree about getting them out the house - well, I agree with it all really! #badmumsclub

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    1. Ha! God we have to get them out of the house otherwise tis a killer. Sometimes just a walk up and down my very boring road. Being in all day is horriff xxx

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  15. YOU ROCK! YOur honesty about mothering is so awesome! #pocolo

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    1. Ah thanks lovely. What a really nice thing to say! Glad you are enjoying it xxx

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  16. with number 2 on the way i seriously love this! I'm shit scared of the chaos heading my way if I'm honest, but I've seen friends do it and I know once I'm through that first year with 2, then it'll get easier! Fab post lovely! xx #pocolo

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    1. Yep it is getting much much easier now you know. In fact? It is almost like gasp pleasant!! You will be fine. I'm sure. I was just a bit crap xxx

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  17. What a fab post, I wrote about the truth of 2 kids while back and you are so right, it is bloody hard, 2 is like 22! Brilliant tips here, the TV really is your friend, thank goodness for Cbeebies and say yes to help always-try and carve time to you too and do what makes you happy-happy mum, happy kids.Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it. Why is two so much harder? I do not know. I would like to at some point to have a third. But I am terrified. Bleurgh xxx

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  18. I am hoping to have a second one and this makes me a bit scared now!! Although I have to say that I am hoping the fact that Grace is that much older will make it easier! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo :) x

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    1. Oh yes having a bigger age difference would really make it easier. Mine were just too close together. Seemed like a good idea at the time! xxx

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