Sunday, 8 June 2014

The Heartbreak Years Begin...

Yesterday, when driving to the shops with my girl, she said "Sydney used to be my best friend at pre-school. She isn't any more. She said she doesn't want to be my best friend and won't sit next to me in class". The emotion I felt was something close to total and utter heartbreak. I wanted to go and find Sydney and have it out with her. Why's my girl not good enough? Why don't you want to be her best friend? And then remembering that Sydney is 3 years old. I came to the conclusion this would be a bit of a impractical and foolish plan, one in which would most definitely result in my arrest. Which wouldn't be ideal.

It dawned on me there and then. This is it. This is the moment when the girl starts to realise that not everything in life is hunky dory. This is when sh*t gets real. Disappointment in her short 3 years so far has been her brother accidentally breaking one of her dolls or us not having the ice lolly she wants in the freezer. In fact even when our lovely cat died (RIP Babs) we fobbed it off with her going and living in the clouds. But now we are having to deal with actual real life feelings. And feelings as you know can be bloody brutal.

The Bride to Be. Gulp.

I had a flash forward to the first time she gets dumped. Or has an unrequited love for a dreadful spotty teen boy who is just not good enough for her. Or doesn't get the grades she wants to get into university. And so on and so on. In that split second I wanted to scoop her up, pop her on my lap and just hold her close to me forever and ever. When we discussed Sydney not wanting to be her best friend (grrrr still makes me fume) I said it was OK because I was her best friend and I would ALWAYS want to sit next to her. This seemed to placate her and she started banging on about a balloon or something. But that's not going to work forever.

Not only is my girl going to have to toughen up. But I am too. My anger with someone not wanting to be my girls best friend was an actual physical reaction. My stomach turned. And this was all over a silly little toddler bicker that will inevitably blow over come Wednesday. I need to develop some sort of defence mechanism. To not show that her hurt is my hurt, but times ten. Basically I need to grow some balls. And be quick about. 'Big' school is not too far away and I'm sure in the future there is much more of this to come.

But for now? If and when my girl gets her feelings hurt again? I will pick her up. I will cuddle her. I will hold her tight. So very, very tight. That's the only protection she needs right now. I've still got a little bit of time to get my act together. Sob.

Anyone else feel like this? Or am I mad? 
Parents of older children how to you cope with your child's disappointment? 
Does it make you sad? 


Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

19 comments:

  1. Ahhh this is so so true and something that first starts hitting you when they start preschool. I just want to wrap z in cotton wool and just have hugs in my lap forever. I hope all our little kiddies get the very best in life and they're blissfully happy always. For now I hope your lovely little girl finds an even better friend than Sydney xx she looks gorgeous as a teeny little bride :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want them to be happy forever and ever and EVER! They shall live with me and then when they get married we shall all live in a big house. Of course this is not going to happen! But I can but hope xxx

      Delete
  2. Oh, makes you want to give her a hug.

    Thankfully, we've not come across any of this yet, or if N has, he's totally oblivious - being a boy, I think that might be the case. I'm relieved he is a boy, as I think they go through life without a lot of the friendship traumas that girls seem to have.

    I reckon the answer you gave about you being her best friend was probably spot on...and would be good for a few years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I hope this is the case with boys. When teaching I have noticed that we so don't get half of the drama that the girls give. So at least I will only have drama half of the time! xxx

      Delete
  3. It's so sad to see they hurting. Your right we probably feel it more than them

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope we do! She seemed OK the next minute. Kids eh?! xxx

      Delete
  4. I can't imagine a time when a tight hug and loving cuddle won't work their magic... for both of us. Grace will grow up knowing I'll always be there with them, even if she thinks she's outgrown them...since as we know, deep down, we never really do....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have been known to pop on my Dad's lap for a little cry. And I am 36!!!! xxx

      Delete
  5. OMG - got actual tears happening! :(
    Been through this many times - yes even with boys but after a few years you realise that while you are still fuming about them falling out with your child - they've actually made friends again. That was with my neurotypical boys...with Damien (autistic) it's different. I'm always on the defence. I take it all to heart. The thing is that he hasn't the understanding of a 'normal' child - he's relatively oblivious.. it's me who feels the hurt for him.
    Beautiful photo - lovely smile. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh lovely. I have taught lots and lots of autistic senior school kids. I had a whole SEN form for a few years. They are a little bit oblivious. Kids can be mean but on the whole? Most kids are lovely to autistic children. Bar the odd sod. And at least he's got you on his side!!! xxx

      Delete
  6. My girls are 7 and 6 and i feel the same!! There is one girl who is always trying to be better.. everything my daughter mentions she has done or is doing then she has done it better... upsets my girl so much as she is shy and quiet anyway and it fumes me!!! The things i could say to this child... its hard to bite your tongue even as an adult lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Booooo! It's crap isn't it that in life there are times when we get hurt by stupid people. I have some right ones in my life and would hate my daughter to go through that. Suppose we have to let them get on with it :( xxx

      Delete
  7. I can almost handle the girl stuff as you know what is coming and know she'll ultimately be ok. It is the boy stuff that breaks my heart - boys are supposed to be okay and get on with it but sometimes mummy sees the other side of the coin xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh, I hear you! My oldest (almost 8) had just got his first 'girlfriend', asked her out and everything, and while lovely and sweet (she said yes!) my stomach lurched thinking about the inevitable first heart break and I'm dreading it. I just want to somehow stop time now, so that he stays happy, and we never get to the heartbreak bit :( #ShareWithMe

    ReplyDelete
  9. Aw - Sob!! I have had moments of feeling like that rabid Lioness protecting her cubs already and its just the very thought that my boys might ever be picked on or excluded. Then the whole falling in love and being hurt thing - wow. I'd never thought about that before - I hope they will be resilient little people for my emotional well being :-) #sharewithme

    ReplyDelete
  10. I remember my momma always saying to me that you are never too old, too big, to cuddle and love and kiss all over. And she used to force us in a funny way, to sit on her lap even as adults and she would pretend to hug and kiss us like we were babies. I will never forget it and it always made us know that she was there to help us and love us when we needed but there will be times we won't be able to fix it or help in those easy loving ways. That is real and scary and I think we can all relate and feel this way to protect our little ones. Great post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

    ReplyDelete
  11. Awwww I can already relate to this and Avar is only 8 months old. The thought of anyone ever upsetting him is literally bloody boiling! I want to keep him in my lap and protect him forever with cuddles, even though Mr D says he needs to toughen up. But then I just want to punch Mr D in the face too! lol

    ReplyDelete
  12. Gosh this is the exact thing I am DREADING. Funnily enough I hadn't really thought about it starting so young (my little girl is nearly two). In my head it's been the teenage years and failed romances that I'm so worried about, for her. But you're absolutely right, the 'shit gets real' a lot earlier than that.

    I guess really all we can do is to continue to love them unconditionally, be there to support, advice where possible and do our best to pick up the pieces when we can.

    You sound like a wonderful Mum so I'm sure she will be just fine. And as for best friends, well, you never know she may just find a better one ;-)

    Great post. Lovely writing.

    With love (and pouts)

    Katie @ Pouting In Heels

    #sharewithme

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can totally relate to this and have been there. A pre-school friend wasn't there for a whole week (illness I think) but to our bear... it was melt down every night and my heart tore in two. The worst thing? Her friend doesn't start 'big' school for another year. I know our bear will make new friends but it doesn't stop the hurt I feel for her :(

    ReplyDelete

leave me a comment! they make me happy bab...