Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Why staying indoors with children is A BAD IDEA!

You awake and you think oh you know what I fancy? A nice day in the house, pootling around, watching a bit of Real Housewives, having a nice cup of tea, putting a few loads of washing on. Nothing too glamorous. A chilling day. And then shit, you remember. You have children. Bollocks. And then this is the foolish idea you should always avoid "It's OK. I shall stay in the house with my two tiny children. They will be fine and play nicely all day. In fact it will be great!"

STOP RIGHT THERE! Put the internet on, find the nearest soft play, get yourself to your local sure start centre and eat some manky dirty nana with other tired parents. ANYTHING! Staying in the house with children is one of lives more foolish endeavours. And if you want further proof. See below a selection of pictures of what happened last week when I forgot the utter doom of staying indoors. For longer than two hours. With two toddlers. Shudder: 

RELENTLESS FIGHTING OVER CRAP TOYS

Relentless fighting over crap toys. Apologies about the blurreness of the photo, it was like an action shot, but seriously. This argument went on for most of the day. In the end? I used it as a bit of a reality show. Like a Big Brother task. Back story. There was an tatty old buggy they fought over. So I brought this new pram. Now no-one wanted the tatty buggy and so? They just fight over this f*cking Peppa Pig pram. Put Peppa on a turd and they would want to play with it.

RELENTLESS FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER

They then moved onto just fighting each other. It started as like lovely, yet aggressive cuddles, then proper rugby tackles, with hair pulling and there was an actual bite from someone (not me promise) at one point. One was always laughing whilst the other wept. I'm not sure who won really? It certainly wasn't me. Please note yes I did take photos and also just stood there and watched them fight. Call me mean, but this had been going on for an hour. There was no weapons involved unless the dummy can be used to harm with intention. I'm sure my boy could find a way.

THEY TURN WEIRD

Yep. Then this happened. This was weird. I'm not sure how we got into a 'putting our feet into our mouth' stage. I think maybe it was just utter boredom. You know you're bored when putting your toes into your mouth seems an hilarious idea. I imagine this is the kind of thing that would perhaps happen in a mental asylum? Look at the girls steely determination, look at the boys crazy 'fight hair'. And worryingly? I joined in. Thank god they can't take pictures just yet.*

So if you ever think about staying in the house, with two teeny tiny children. Go back and look at this blog. Think of the fighting, the mess, the crying, the shouting and rush out to the local park stat. Don't say I never warned you.

*on a side note I can fit my foot in my mouth. At the age of 36 and after two children? I think this is a marvel.

                                                         TheIPOTLink-up
                                                  

29 comments:

  1. To be honest I find it bad enough staying in with one! She's climbing the walls by lunchtime and I'm on a perma-loop of Ben and Holly, hobnobs and tears… #badtimes :)) x

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    1. Ah the joys you shall have of potty training and owning a tiny baby. That will be nice for you bab. NOT xxx

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  2. I hate staying in for a day. Everyone ends up with cabin fever!
    Well done you for being able to get your foot in your mouth ;) xx

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    1. I can also put my fist in my mouth. I have a very very big mouth! xxx

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  3. My girls drive me crazy when they stay in the house together for too long! The fighting and bickering really annoys me....Much safer for us all when we're out and about...lol ]
    hahaha Well done you for getting your foot in your mouth.

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    1. The bickering is never ending here now. This is a new revelation. Why they can't just be besties I shall never know! xxx

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  4. Your skills never fail to amaze me blonde Em. The talent is clearly genetic :) Another fab post m'love - too bloody true as well. This is why I'll spend the next seven weeks on day trips, whilst frantically texting friends to see if they'll come meet me and help out the sanity with a bit of adult convo. Fancy it?? ;) xx

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    1. Thanks bab! Oh I wish I could come and visit you and we could partake in daily play dates. Stop living in your mansion and come and live by me! xxx

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  5. I'll remember this for when my girl is a bit older! Mind you, even staying in all day with a baby drives me nuts!! x

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    1. Oh god - even with one it is bad. Going out defo saves out minds! xxx

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  6. I came across this on the netmums blog - f*ing hilarious! :)

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  7. Ha ha brilliant and i fully agree!! I never ever stay indoors, even when its raining i stand there on my own in the park, still preferable to the above :)

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    1. Rain in park beats fight in house. Every time. Fact! xxx

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  8. Bloody awesome. Laughed throughout this one. Only thing missing is a pic of you with foot in mouth!!! ;) xxx

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    1. You luck could be in at Mumsnet!!! xxx

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  9. I know this all too well specially today. It's not even 10 am yet we aren't dressed and E is already driving my crazy. It's nice to know I'm not the only 1 though. I can also get my foot in my mouth although I'm 27 but had 4 kids lol

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    1. Well done you! No we all go stir crazy with kids. You are defo not alone xxx

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  10. you really are TMG! putting your feet in your mouth? respect! I would rather pluck all my eyebrows out with a toothpick than stay at home all day with a rabid 16 month old. Oh, and you're so right about Peppa.

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  11. sorry TLR, cant even get my acroynms right...

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    1. TLR! Oh la la laaaaa! I can put my foot in my mouth. I can put my fist in my mouth! You don't want to know what else I can put in there!!! xxx

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  12. Staying in is a total pain in the bum kids really do not entertain themselves well ! Thanks for linking up with the #iPotLinkup

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    1. No worries! See you next week! :) xxx

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  13. Aaargh! I am in the house with two small children (its coming up to two hours now...) whilst I read this and I'm thinking, time to put down the laptop and intervene Sam! Get them dressed and out of the bloomin' house woman! I've always hated being stuck indoors even when there was just one of them! :-) Congrats of being Netmums blog of the week too - go you! X

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    1. Yay thanks! I have always been the same too. Sends me crackers. I'm not a fan of being in by myself really. I would rather be out and about xxx

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  14. Oh Gawd, I hear ya. I've got two boys and the play wrestling drives me INSANE! :-) I'm glad to get out of the house to soft play, they can run and jump to their heart's content there!

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    1. GOD BLESS SOFT PLAY! #stinkyballs xxx

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  15. Haha I think it is the same in ANY house with kids! Get out get out get out!
    x x

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  16. Hahaha Brilliant post! I couldn't agree more with you, staying in always goes crazy for us too. It's like they can't stand the same four walls for more than a few hours then they need walked and fresh air. They really are animals hahhaha Jking. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me hope to see you tomorrow for another great week. #sharewithme

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