Monday, 11 August 2014

Rainy Day Doom

Hang on, what's all this about then? It's been bloody raining and windy! This means I can't sit in the garden all day whilst my children mess around with a sandpit, or splash around in a tiny paddling pool whilst I drink tea, suck on ice pops and read a magazine. Rain means we have to do things. And inside activities? Spell D.O.O.M. You start out all enthusiastic and then you quickly realise that what you have planned is going to go tits up resulting in your toddler having a meltdown and you having a breakdown. So here are my top four most feared and failed rainy day's activities. Yuck:

Swimming
By the time you have managed to find, and squeeze into, your maternity swimming costume at home, which worryingly is a bit snug even though your 'baby' is now three, you are already hot, sweaty and stressed. You do it at home so you can make a quick entrance to the pool and thus not have to hang around the stinking changing rooms for very long. You finally make it into the pool, after a wee stop (tricky in a snug cossie) and a small tantrum by the fruit shoot machine. 15 minutes later? You are bloody back out again as your child is "cooooollllld" (to be said in a very brummy accent by my girl) and has scraped her knee on the rough floor. You hit the rancid changing rooms once again and this is when it dawns on you, you forgot your bra and pants and subsequently have to do the afternoon shop with your boobs round you knees. Disastrous.



Soft Play
"It's OK" you think, "it's fine" you tell yourself. This time? This time it's going to be different. This time I will take my IPad and my two beautiful children will play nicely whilst I surf the net and Facebook my friends. I shall have a Costa hot choccy and all will be well. And then you get there. And you realise that it IS THE BUSIEST PLACE ON EARTH! Immediately you discover there is nowhere to sit, so you end up perching on a table of other random Mothers all looking equally as sad. In the twenty minutes you are there. The following will happen 1) one of your children will get hit by someone 2) one of you children will bump heads with someone 3) one or both of your children will scream blue murder at the £1 ball machines 4) non descript stains (vom) on children's socks will appear 5) your hot chocolate will go cold and your IPad will remain unopened. Hellish.


Museum
It's the weekend and you decide to drag you family to a museum. It's raining. They are free and you can't bear the thought of swimming or soft play, so a museum it is. Educate small minds, have a bit of intellectual chit chat with the other half about Victorians and the like. What actually happens is you get there, you have to drag both children screaming through the gift shop (cleverly placed by the front door. Grrr) where they are fighting over a rubber in the shape of a book. They then run riot finding every exhibit that says 'Do Not Touch' and touches them. All whilst your husband plays Candy Crush on his phone, yawning. You finally seek solace in the tea room. Where you pay £6.50 for one tiny cheese sandwich which no-one wants to eat. Horrific.


Creative Activity
This is my most feared. I have been a teacher for over a decade. I can get 16 year old's to achieve an A* in their GCSEs but do you think that I can get one tiny toddler to do any Arts task for more than 7 minutes? Hell to the no. I buy beautiful princess magnet making sets, or animal masks to paint, or fun butterfly canvas's to colour in. I get out my special arty table cloth, I put my girl in her Cath Kidston apron. I put some 'fun' music on the background - oh maybe even Frozen. And then? Three minutes in, she's spilt the paint, lost the magnetic bit off the magnet or smashed the canvas. The instragam photos I wanted to take to have proof of such memories are destroyed as she decides to paint her butterfly poo brown with black splodges. She then declares "I want to watch Peppa" and strolls away whilst I am left with a kitchen resembling a war zone. Tragic.

So go away rain, bore off wind - come back sun all is forgiven! I know I moaned whilst you were here that it was too hot but I would rather face living in a burning inferno than experience the utter horror of soft play #stinkyballs.

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36 comments:

  1. This is my life! You pain such a beautiful picture. So pleased it's not just me...

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  2. I have all this to look forward too. Keeping a 9 month old entertained isn't too bad, but I find if we go out with anyone and it's a rainy day it seems to cost about 10x more! Xx

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    1. That makes me so cross the way they up the prices in the summer! So annoying! xxx

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  3. YES! THIS! I cry at rain - although i actually did manage to get the older one to watch the Lion King all the way through the other day which was amazing as he usually only watches films about cars.
    Crafts make me shudder and they always end up with us all angry x

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    1. I have tried, and failed to make my girl watch the Lion King. I just have to watch bloody princesses ALL THE TIME! xxx

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  4. Ha ha our painting end up in black brown coverings too - soft play is hell on earth!

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    1. Soft play? Horrific and sad sad times xxx

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  5. Soft Play. Eugh. Even the phrase kills me! HELL!! x

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    1. It is so gross - why is it so gross? xxx

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  6. Love this! So glad we don't have to go to soft play any more (not that we ever used to go much anyway). My kids like swimming, but I'm not a fan of getting cold and wet!

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    1. Yay! You escaped the doom of soft play - I remember making my Mom sit for hours round various swimming baths xxx

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  7. Soft play, in the summer holidays, you're braver than I am. And £1 ball machines are the work of the devil! x

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    1. My children always bloody lose the balls the second they get them. It is such a futile and stupid toy! xxx

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  8. I'm so glad I don't have to go anywhere Soft Play anymore, but I do take (ok drag) everyone to the museums. Isn't life when its raining wonderful? Don't you just love how enthusiastic everyone is when you think of something exciting to do?

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    1. You see I really love a museum and as I am an RE teacher I really love a place of worship. The hub? Not so much. He is off for ten days and I am SO going to drag him along. Mwah ha ha ha xxx

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  9. We did painting yesterday morning. I went to answer the door and came back 2 minutes later and socks were off and both had covered their feet and hands and covered the floor in their prints, and were demanding TV as they'd finished...Bring me sunshine!

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    1. Mine always paint their feet but I think that is my fault as I did once let them paint their feet and now they think that this is just what people do! Fools! xxx

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  10. Ha ha. So true on the swimming front. I took N to the outdoor pool (complete with splashzone) in the hope that he'd try and practice his swimming. 5 mins in the pool (not helped by the fact I'd forgotten his woggle so was having to hold him all the time and persuade him to use his float instead), and he wanted to get out. And for the 30 minutes we were there in total, including about 20 mins in the splash area, it cost me £6.50. And it wasn't even sunny enough for me to top up my tan!

    And we also experienced the 'don't touch' issue at the country fair atthe weekend. I wanted to go in the judging tent to look at the entries for the various veg/flower/craft competitions. N wanted to pull to pieces the winning painted stone beach and harbour craft piece. Oops.

    To be honest, at the moment, he just wants Peppa Pig on if he's not in the garden.

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    1. £6.50!!! Good god! You see I heart a country fair but there is just no way you can enjoy it and peruse the giant veg whilst tiny hands are grabbing at everything. The fools! xxx

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  11. Add chickenpox to the equation and you've got the current status quo here. FML. I am almost starting to think of Mr Tumble as a close friend.

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    1. NO! Oh god Chicken Pox as well? That is horrific!!! xxx

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  12. Sounds familiar. I always used to wonder how I managed a grown-up career but couldn't get my daughters to stay focused on anything (that didn't involve TV) for more than 5 minutes as well!!

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    1. I know - why is this? I work with some quite tough boys and yet a teeny tiny cute toddler tears me apart! xxx

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  13. I took my middle daughter swimming at the weekend when it decided to start raining. The trouble is it was pouring with rain and I was cycling with the cycle training. When we got there I was so soaked through that when I got into the kiddy pool it felt like a bath lol!!

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    1. Oh that sounds quite nice. We went at the weekend and it was bloody freezing! It was totally horrific. Yuck xxx

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  14. haha love it, sounds just like my life especially the arts and crafts we got them little piggy banks that you paint not long ago both the girls just plastered it in black paint for 5 mins then left a trail of black finger prints around the house!

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    1. We have done this with Dora the Explorer paint sets and she look like she had been in a horrific car accident xxx

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  15. Wait til your girl get a bit older. Then you won't be able to get her to stop doing crafts. We do soooo many. Ugh.

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  16. I went to soft play on Tuesday or Wednesday (to be honest, love, all the days blur into one) and we lasted about 40 minutes.

    Gwenn's at that awkward age where she isn't interested in the baby bit but is too little for the big bit so I spend half my time rescuing her from climbing up slides when a wall of 5 year olds are heading towards her at 60 mph.

    THE JOY!

    x

    #BrilliantBlogPosts

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    1. My girl is the same. She always gets knocked in the head by some giant crazed boy and I have to wade in to rescue her and not look mean and all shouty xxx

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  17. You forgot to mention to ball ache of shaving all your bits before you go swimming (we didn't go today because I couldn't be bothered to do this) and paying £4 for the privilege of a 15 minute swim!
    Tittered all the way through this!

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    1. You are a better woman than me! I just pray no-one looks! ;) xxx

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  18. Screaming with laughter! The book shaped rubber! Ha! Yes, this! What do you teach by the way?! Loved this, hate this British summer tricking us with the odd sunny day before torrential rain! Aargh! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts

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  19. You have successfully summed of the dilemma of how to fill the summer hols! I used to go swimming a lot when it was just the one but impossible to take 3yo and 1yo on my own now.
    And I hate soft play - mainly because last time all F wanted to do was go up and down steps so resent having had to pay for something we could have done at home without the other crazy children running around.
    Baking seems to be the way forward on a rainy day, but it is making me very fat.
    Thanks for making me smile!
    #brillblogposts

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