Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Crap at crafts and other parenting fails

Since I've been a part time stay at home Mum I have been immersed into a world I don't quite fit into. I can wear the Mum coat, I can carry the Mum bag and douse myself in dry shampoo. I can drink copious amounts of luke warm tea and watch endless amounts of Peppa. But there at certain parenting skills I am just well sh*t at.

The world of Instagram and Pinterest dictates I should be able to knock up a three tier Frozen birthday cake in an afternoon whilst my two kids happily and quietly play (ha!). I should be able to make a wonderful autumnal leaf display, which placed alongside a glut of home grown marrows, would produce a shabby chic kitchen table centrepiece worthy of featuring in Home and Garden magazine. But I can't. I'm sh*t remember. Like I just said.


A week ago we had a letter from my girls pre-school requesting a cake for a cake stall and crafts for a craft stall. I. Am. Screwed. It's not that I haven't tried to be super Mum. We do painting at home. We make cakes. The end results? Utterly disastrous. It always ends up with a) me screaming b) a child weeping c) a child requiring a full outfit change. More than likely? All three. 


I envy the women that can do these marvellous creative ventures. I dream of being able to carve a teeny tiny pumpkin into the shape of Cinderella's face. I long to gather all my old baby clothes and produce a stunning patchwork quilt. But I can't. I just told you. I'm sh*t. 

So what the hell can I offer in this odd world of part time stay at home Mum? There doesn't appear to be 'great at karaoke whilst tipsy' stand at the winter fete. Or a stall where I can discuss my Masters in the use of drama as a pedagogical method for teaching religious education to year 9 SEN pupils (catchy eh?). These aren't great 'Mum of a preschooler' skills. These are just not going to cut it. 


So you know what my new 'best Mum' skill is going to be? The art of stretching the truth. The art of going to a nice posh supermarket and popping a cake on a tray like I made it. The art of getting a friend to help make some leafy sh*te to sell for 50p. And the talent of knowing the best place to buy a lovely Frozen cake for under a tenner.

And when my girl is hitting University? That's where I will shine. Then I get my chance to be super Mum! And bore her to tears with my research project suggestions. Whilst guiding her in the talent of singing Total Eclipse of the Heart on the karaoke as a way to make friends and influence people. All together..."turn aroooound...".

21 comments:

  1. LOL! You should totally reword Total Eclipse for crafting

    And I need the glue tonight
    Yes I need it more than ever
    And if I really hold it tight
    Maybe it will stick together!

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    1. Love it! This has made me smile lots x

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  2. Lots of mums at my daughter's buy the cakes for the cake sales, or else use cake mixes. Play to your strengths lady. Xx

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    1. And I know I can buy me a nice cake! x

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  3. We are so twins - you would think after 4 kids I should have the baking and craft thing sorted - but I don't (thank goodness for the nanny!!)
    I did once buy cake (thank God for the Waitrose at Hopwood Services) for a school cake sale and chopped it up and put it into a Tupperware (labelled, natch!) to send into school. I was blagging it really well until someone asked for the recipe!!
    We can't be good at everything *pours another gin*

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    1. We can't and I will join you for that yummy gin! x

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  4. I can just about cook! when Hubby isn't home me and the kids live of pasta lol! Cakes I'll do if they are a fool proof child recipe. I'd rather play with my children :)

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    1. And me bab. Or watch tele. I quite like the tele too! x

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  5. hahaha!! I am rubbish at this stuff too....I am a mum who buys a cake and makes it look like my own.....But Shh don't tell anyone....hehehe x

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    1. Shhhhhhhh you secret is safe with me x

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  6. If it doesn't involve a full outfit change it was a probably a ruddy dull activity anyway.

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  7. Ha this made me laugh because I can emphasise with this post. I am a terrible cook and an even worse crafter. I look at these creations on pinterest and want to do them because I want my blog and instagram to be full of pretty things but I am just crap. End of.

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    1. And I too am crap. I have embraced this! x

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  8. Are we sisters? If not, we might be related in some ways. lol Hight fives, babs!

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    1. Ha ha ha! High five straight back atcha babs! x

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  9. Sooo funny!
    I have these AMAZING ideas for crafts and activities...but that is all they are and none ever look anything like what the proposed idea was. Ahh well...you can't be good at everything :-) x

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    1. Mine always just look utterly crap. It is so frustrating. I've just given up now x

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  10. I know where you're coming from. Every year at the kids school Yr5 have a garden competition. You should see some of the entries!! Mine are lucky if they get some soil with a few blades of grass!!! I can make a mean cupcake and lemon drizzle cake, however my decorating and icing skills leave a lot to be desired! Where Shannon gets her artistic streak from I shall never know! xx

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    1. I think you should start making lemon drizzle cakes for me and driving them up. I can't remember if you are doing Mumsnet? If so let's do some vlogging! x

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  11. Ha ha this is great - we should be proud that we have 'other skills' - I try baking and I'm OK when I put my mind to it, but my mind is just not into that type of stuff a lot of the time :) x

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