Sunday, 5 October 2014

The things we do for love...

As a woman we give our bodies over to producing a living being for roughly nine months. It is the ultimate sacrifice. We do it for love. And our other half? Has to put up with is being proper psychotic for nine months. They too do this for love. But it doesn't stop there. There are the obvious things we give up for the love of our children. Like losing sleep. Our social life. Our tiny mind. But after a particularly trying 'baking with a toddler' session. It dawned on me. There are other things I fooking hate doing. But I do them 'for the love'. The love of my child. And the whole time I do them I am internally sighing and rolling my eyes so far back into my head they can actually see the inside of my tired and grumpy brain. 

Daddy will LOVE these bogey filled cakes. Yum.
Eat crap cakes
As I just said recently I have taken to 'baking' with my girl whilst the boy sleeps. I hate baking. I am sh*t at baking. Although not as sh*t as my daughter. Who adopts the 'one for me, one for the cake' rule of thumb when it comes to adding ingredients. I actually had to restrain her from eating 125g of butter earlier. A solid lump of butter vom. But luckily there is one thing I won't do for love. And that is eat them. I ensure that she makes them alllllll for Daddy. And he better eat them all or he doesn't love her. That's the rule.

Attend tea parties
"Mummy. Would you like to play tea parties?". This is such a cute phrase. It made me so happy the first 564 TIMES I HEARD IT. Now. I shudder each time the tea set comes out. I have been known to hide or do imaginary housework. Sometimes when coerced into playing it AGAIN I ask for a double gin in my pretend tea. Mix it up a bit. 

Watch crap toddler 'produced, directed and starring' shows
I am a bit of a drama queen. I love a musical. I have been known to do the running man in the street. My girl has also acquired these 'skills'. And now we have the "Mummy do you want to see a show?". Now if it was the toddler version of Les Mis. Well yes my sweet. I would. That show I should love to watch. But alas it generally is a nonsensical tirade of words and odd fit like dance movements. I sit and clap enthusiastically. All whilst making a mental note to NEVER let her apply for the X Factor.


Make tw*ts of ourselves
My husband is very quiet. Very, very quiet and is 6ft2. Now, is a very quiet and very tall man the kind of man you would expect to stand up in front of 100's of people with Michael De Souza the creator of Rastamouse? Who made him dress as President Wensly Dale and talk in a Rastafarian accent. Then reenact a story with tiny children playing the other main characters? I have never laughed so much in my life and as I write this. I am laughing again. He made a total and utter tw*t of himself. For love. For not wanting to let his daughter down. Who to be honest didn't seem that arsed. Oh it was brilliant, it really was. The blurred picture does not do it justice.

Get excited about ridiculous things
I went to see the Justin and Friends Show. And after the interval. Mr Tumble ran through the audience. And I screamed. I actually screamed "LOOK THERE HE IS. THERE IS MR TUMBLE!". 1) I hate Mr Tumble and 2) I am aware he is actually Justin. He is! Don't be shocked. Yet for the love of my girl I overreacted so she would enjoy the show. And when he sang his classic (ahem) hit 'Hands Up' I picked her up and ran to the front like it was Take That and Gary Barlow was singing Back for Good. Naked.

I love my children. I really, really do. And I do a host of stupid things that I really hate doing, purely to make them smile. But I am happy and safe in the knowledge that when they are older. When they have families of their own and have moved, hopefully not to far, away. I will insist on showing them 563 photos from our various retirement style holidays. Then they too will have to sit there, nodding enthusiastically, whilst internally screaming "Shut the f*ck up!". Bring it on babs. Bring. It. On.

28 comments:

  1. I love the image of you shouting about Mr Tumble, and I can picture it so very clearly, too! xx

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  2. Ah, kiddy baking. We have recently discovered those joys. At the mo my boy is happy mostly watching and occasionally stirring, but we had a visiting toddler and all sorts of crap went between her mouth, fingers and bowl. I gleefully served them to her parents when they picked her up, nodding and smirking when they asked 'are they safe?'

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  3. hahahahahahahaha I can't wait for you to show them those retirement holidays - REVENGE!! x

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    1. And all the stuff I brought in the Next sale! x

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  4. We're in an endless 'you be the baddie' phase. It mostly involves me bring chopped by a goodie. Ace post Bab ps I reckon there was a *little* genuine excitement at seeing Tumble. He's off the telly! X

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  5. This made me laugh so much. Especially the Mr Wensleydale reenactment. Ahhh and the crappy cakes. Sprinkles mandatory :)

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    1. Totally! Or smarties if you've run out x

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  6. I am with you on the baking and bless your husband - what a good sport. I am eternally grateful my girl has outgrown tea parties - hurrah! xx

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  7. Oh so very funny - all of those I can totally relate to. Kiddie baking? oh the mess, and when they're dipping in their wet fingers into the mixture before adding to the baking try *yuk* it's truly awful! As for becoming "starstruck" for the sake of our little ones, I legged it half way across Cbeebies with Little Mister under my arm like a rugby ball in order for him to meet Tree Fu Tom. But, we love them...I just hope they remember these things when choosing my care home!
    #bloglovin

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    1. Ha ha ha! I did the same for Tree Fu Tom! We are such losers! x

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  8. Ha I just laughed at the vision of him with Rastamouse!!! Amazing. I dance with a broom for h often, look like an utter tit but we love it ha ha ha. Fab post lovely xx

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    1. Thanks beaut bet you look ace with the broom x

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  9. Your husband is such a good sport. And the only thing worse than a tea party, is a bathtime tea party, where they expect you to drink dirty bath water. Urgh.

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    1. Which is why I don't do the ruddy baths. Urgh x

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  10. Ha ha brilliant!! Do you know i often think i have one of the rawest deals out there with my two but now i feel very happy reading this that at least they don't do tea parties! YAY!! x

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  11. Love this post - brilliant and so very true! I can just imagine you screaming about Mr Tumble - I so would have done the same! Love that your hubby dressed as President Wensly Dale and took part in re-enacting Rastamouse. Ah the things we do for our children! :-)

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  12. HA HA thisis brilliant, Brummy. So true. We do our best don't we :) x

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  13. "And our other half? Has to put up with is being proper psychotic for nine months."
    Yes but they have training via our monthly PMS so it doesn't come as a complete shock - it's just prolonged. Book em into a Travelodge for nine months I say!
    This is a fabulous post. We really do make idiots of ourselves to make our children happy. I don't have to act too much - being an idiot is a natural gift lols. I draw the line at Tumble though...he makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Thank goodness Damien is Fireman Sam obsessive. Though that has it's drawbacks given that one of it's stars is that little fire-starting sod, Nooooorman Price! :/ X

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    1. I HATE NOOOOOORMAN! He is such a nob and is so naughty! Set fire to him I say! x

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  14. I have escaped tea parties until now but now I know what's coming with my little lady. Oh. Shit. Great post lovely x

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