Monday, 1 December 2014

What the hell is an Elf on a Shelf?

I am lying in bed at 5:37am as I write this. No one else is awake. And I am really worried. Like proper worried. As I have no f*cking clue what an elf on the shelf is. I kinda get it's an elf. And I am presuming it sits on a shelf? But that's my knowledge. Why do I need one? Am I ruining Christmas for my children forever? Will they be scarred mentally as the have no elf on a shelf? Can I quickly fashion one out of two socks?

And it doesn't stop there. My three year old is going to be the star in the Nativity Play. She is going to sing a solo. Whilst this is an honour and I will weep. I spent all day yesterday looking for an appropriate 'star outfit'. Gone are the black leotards with a bit of tin foil. Now they sell actual star outfits. I showed the £15 costume to my daughter and she wept. I have now purchased all manner of bits and pieces for her to wear from sparkly tights to a Debenhams tutu (Debenhams! I know!). And I woke up in the night thinking how ways to make a suitable star crown. As mother pointed out she's in a catholic preschool "so it better be good!".

When on earth did Christmas become so ruddy complicated? December for me is the happiest month of the year. I've always loved it. I even got married right by Christmas Day. I love the frosty mornings. I love the movies (I become American in December and say movies rather than films. 'Santa Claus. The Film' doesn't have the same ring to it). But today on Instagram there's elves on shelves and massive advent sticks and like these amazing bunting versions. And tiny little advent packages in brown packages with ribbon and shabby chic bells and oh god my kids must think I suck!



This morning they will be awaking (well they won't as I forgot to get them out the cupboard) to a Hello Kitty and Peppa Advent calendar from Poundland. You know the ones. That have that proper taste of Christmas. The bitter chocolate that you know if you ate a whole bar you may puke? I will be having an advent calander that I got free and the husband? He can just watch on with envy has he has jack sh*t. 

There will be no app to see if they are on the naughty or nice list, there will be no super posh wrapping paper. There will be that wrapping paper that is so thin it's a bugger to cut up but it has Disney Princesses on so will please my girl. Obviously we will have decorations and I will be honest perusing Pinterest and Insta-sham I have upped my game in the living room. And have purchased a lot of fawns and stags for some random reason? But the kids have their vintage decos up (aka tat in the shape of animals) and the tinsel? Is not luscious and would look good in a country manor. It's a bit tatty and gaudy. The best and most festive kind.

I'm hoping this enough for now for my two. And who knows next year I may have caved into elves on shelves. I will have a full on advent room where I buy special furniture and do an interpretative dance whilst a live band play The Pogues and my children open a new drawer each day to reveal some small mammals dressed as elves. Or? They will just be chomping on cheap choccys again*. 

*please note. I am not a elf on the shelf hater. Quite the opposite. I wish I was all shabby chic and super organised and just the best Christmas Mummy in the world ever. But? Alas. I'm not. Sob. Another failure in my little world of parenting. 

33 comments:

  1. Aww my friend, when I was wrapping advent gift crap at 6am this morning I too wished I'd gone for the bitter chocolate version of my childhood. Then, just gave them day 1, they loved it but H said "Errr I WANT ALL OF THE PRESENTS NOWWW." What have I done??

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    1. Ha ha ha! So they get a pressie everyday you loon? x

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  2. Oh honey our Christmas is far from glamorous too but that doesn't mean it will be even less spectacular than anybody else's, as so long as we have each other and give it our all we we'll have a fantastic Christmas with wonderful memories. These memories will be the ones that last a lifetime! Xx

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    1. Yeah! I still loved Christmas with a crap advent calender x

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  3. There's no elf on our shelf either. There's a shed load of dust though! And besides the last thing I need is to teach the toddler new ways to be naughty thanks to a bl**dy elf's antics.

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    1. Ha ha ha! This really made me laugh! x

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  4. We have a toy Christmas Elf (brought off Ebay for a £5 last week) but that is as far as we have got. I am cashing in slightly on Thomas' obsession with Ben & Holly. Don't feel bad. Your children will always love what you do as your are their mum. You have already been to see Santa and done a winter wonderland. I haven't done any of that. You are being more Christmassy than I am! xx

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    1. Oh good call with the Ben and Holly thing. That is super clever! x

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  5. Your kids will have brill memories of Christmas!
    I can't be arsed for our elves to do stuff. I bought them coz they looked cute and I couldn't justify just buying them for me. It's an effort enough to remember to put chocolate in the advent calendar every night (may the mistake of prefilling it last year - rookie mum error). All the elves do is watch. Then I can yell all sorts of threats that the elves won't put chocolate in the advent calendar if the girls aren't good etc.

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    1. Good plan bab! I bet I cave in next year and do it. I bet I will!!! x

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  6. We have an elf! Boo loves it, though I'd have to say elf or no, apps or otherwise, Christmas would still be magical. They're kids, it's exciting and they get spoiled. Those calendars look fab, too! x

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    1. I saw you were running a elf linky. You do know you are super clever don't you queen blogger? x

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  7. Haha I love the elf on a shelf debate. We don't do it, only cause i find it a little bit creepy! But I do love the idea behind it. ;) x

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    1. It's a good idea. But I may be a bit too lazy to go through with it bab x

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  8. I was going to do it.. but then I forgot. You're not alone! I think I actually wrote a list last January when I was being all super organised and one item was 'do Elf on Shelf at Christmas'. Ah well - if Santa freaked the two year old then I reckon he'd be distubed by that little dude. This is exactly the kind of post I would have written :-) X

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    1. Ha ha ha! My boy HATED Santa. How weird. My girl loves him x

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  9. I'm in your camp girl - the traditional advent calendar, no elf and our old familiar decs. I've not even got a stag, you're one step ahead of me! Your girls will love it. I think we make a fuss of getting it 'perfect' when they just want presents, let's be honest!

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    1. I brought another stag the other day. What the hell is wrong with me? x

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  10. Growing up we had one religious PAPER advent calendar between 6 of us. You only got to open 3-4 doors! It's lovely that people make the effort, but we'll be keeping it simple here for sure. I still don't understand the elf thing xx

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  11. I have bought an elf on the shelf this year. I haven't actually seen many pictures of them yet but I just thought it will be a nice tradition to have. I'm sure I'll change my mind after about three days and run out of bloody places to hide him. Please note, he will not be in any fancy positions having made a mess somewhere (I am NOT going to make more work for myself), and also I am so bad at Christmas that I ordered him late and so he is not even here yet on the 2nd December! Also, Ava has a crappy Kinnerton advent calendar too! We can fail together :) Really though, the kids don't care whether the decorations are amazing or crap and as long as they get to have chocolate everyday I'm sure they're happy. And there's no way they think you suck! xx

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    1. My kids love the chocolate and I bet I cave in and get the elf next year but it will be the nice version not the evil american looking one. He scares me! x

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  12. I do have an advent stick but no elves here either - he freaks me right out! There's a murderous look in that plastic eye! :) You really made me chuckle Em - I bet your two will have the best Christmas ever, elf or no elf! Xx

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    1. (Whispers) what is an advent stick???? x

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  13. Well, if it makes you feel better, my teen and preteen have no advent calendars this year. The other three still do because they are in primary school and still believe. The preteen was mildly outraged for a while but has gotten over it now. I'm at the stage where the less tat and fuss the better. But then, I'm just a massive Scrooge anyway... ;)

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    1. Ha ha ha! I love a massive scrooge! It makes me laugh! x

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  14. Movies are movies all year round for me AND Santa Claus The Movie is one of my all time favourites! x

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  15. I did elf on a shelf last year. It lasted 3 days.
    Day one: the boy was excited:
    day two: the elf had moved. The boy started eyeing it with suspicion
    Day 3: the boy freaked out and refused to come down stairs because of the scary elf.
    Elf on the shelf fail!

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    1. I love this comment. It proper made me laugh out loud! x

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  16. They didn't have elf on the shelf in my day (and it was all fields round here and you could leave your back door open... ). I'm one of those grumpy types that hates the way the world has upped its festive game - presents are for Christmas not for inside the flipping advent calendar! My kids will continue to have a normal Christmas which has not in any way been inspired by Instagram or Pinterest!

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    1. And I bet you walked to school in now shoes and had coal for Christmas. Instagram is full of Christmas stuff isn't it? I shall try not to get too sucked in! x

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  17. Erm yes, WHAT is it? Seriously? Is it a new thing? I have no idea, other than like you it must be an elf on a shelf. But why does he sit there? And what does he do? SOMEONE tell me! x

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