Sunday, 18 January 2015

The Snow Day. A Mothers Failings.

You may be a fan of 'the snow'. You may love snow so hard that you actively go on holiday to places where there is snow all the time. Your dream is to take your whole family ski-ing and can't think of anything better than snowboarding down the alps. Do they do snowboarding on the alps? I wouldn't know as I AM CRAP IN SNOW. Sure I start out all enthusiastic but by midday I am crippled, along with the rest of the UK it seems, by the prettiest of all the weathers. Every snow day is also a Groundhog Day in this household. Is yours similar?..

This weeks forecast. I am screwed.

7am (ok more like 6am sods): You awake and it has snowed and I along with the rest of Birmingham turn rabid*. As if we have never seen snow before. As if we are from a country where snow has never ever fallen. Not from one where it happens more often than is called for.

IT HAS SNOWED!


7:01am: I scream at the children "SNOW!" We rush to the backdoor and Instagram the snow, then I Facebook the Instagrammed picture (cross that it never looks as good on the camera), then I tweet one word "SNOW!" and then I phone my Mum up and say "Have you seen it's snowing?" and we chat about...snow.

8:00am: Ah isn't it pretty looking at the snow (cue wistful looking out at the snow feeling all romantic and cosy like in an American made for TV film)?

8:20am: Kids want to go out in snow. "LET'S GO OUT IN THE SNOW!" I scream. All enthusiastic. Husband rolls his eyes. Now where are the snow suits?

Snow on the playhouse. How picturesque.

9:20am: Finally find snow suits. There is one. It is for a one year old. I have two children who are two and four. Mmmmmm. This is not panning out well. I fashion a snowsuit for them out of wellies, leggings (boys can wear leggings right? It's trendy!), ginormous coat, and those super thick Peppa socks from Poundland. I then spend ten minutes trying to ram their fingers into gloves. How can gloves be so f*cking hard to put on? I'm swearing profusely as I have six layers on. Including my special 14 year old 'snow' Mum coat.

9:45am: Now. I only seem to own slippers, ballet flats, Converse and Uggs. And I seem to remember from the last time it snowed Uggs get a bit wet and leaky? They will have to do. Kids are crying as they are hot. Maybe four layers for them was two too many?

10:00am: Phew all kitted out! Let's go and build a snowman!!! It's easy right? You roll the balls of snow up and then squidge them together. You ignore your husband saying "it's a bit harder than that". Screw you killjoy!

Dad. That snowman is proper sh*t.

10:13am: How. F*cking. Hard. Is. It. To. Build. A. Snowman??? Anna was frickin mental for trying to force Elsa into such a foolish endeavour. She was right to ignore her pleas. Also one child is weeping as there is "snow in my weeeeeellllllyyyy" (to be said in the worlds wingiest voice). The other fell over the second they came out and is now defrosting in front of Peppa. Hastily Instagram cute family footprints for Facebook cover picture. No-one needs to know we were all out together for approximately 13 minutes.

10:20am: God snow is so cold. And a bit boring. And I really need to go to the shops. And my Uggs are leaking. And this snowman looks like a turd. And the kids have gone in and I am alone.

11:00am: Indoors now. Grumpily looking at other families amazing snowmen on Facebook and shout at husband for his failings as a man and a provider for this family due to lack of snow art skills. Instagram an icicle hanging off the roof to make me feel better followed by cute snow on dogs face shot (B&W obv). And then consider sledging...that's fun and easy with two toddlers right???? Now where did we put the sledge???...

See the snow on the dogs face. Why. It is like an Athena poster.

*PS this snow day is taking place on a weekend. If it was a week day when I work as a teacher. I would be rabidly sitting next to the radio waiting to hear if my school was closed. Fingers crossed. And praying. Natch. 

31 comments:

  1. Hahah, brilliant post! Poor hubby and his lack of snowman making skills! We don't often get snow down South but when we do I too have one ear to the radio listening out for our school to be closed. Bloody love that! X

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    1. I am hoping tomorrow that we will have a snow day with the kiddos - where I will forget again how crap I am! x

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  2. We only had a few flakes so no worries for me. I don't get the skiing thing, it is cold and involves sliding down hill! Glad you got some good pictures, that is the most important after all.

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    1. Oh wonder if you will get some more tonight? It's supposed to be really heavy! x

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  3. I hate snow. So glad it hardly ever snows down here. It snowed for literally 5 minutes yesterday and LP was so excited yet I was willing it to stop - and it did! x

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    1. Why does it snow lots in Birmingham? Maybe we are a secret snowy destination? x

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  4. Oh this made me giggle! :) I love it until we actually have to go anywhere. Then it is full-on annoying! And too right about the 13 minutes outside. When I stop feeling my fingers I leave them to it! Xxx

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    1. Oh but your house is so so so pretty in the snow bab! xxx

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  5. Ha ha ha this is amazing. Oh Em, you crack me up xx

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    1. Thanks beautiful lady. Let's hope there are no horrible snow days for you to travel in x

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  6. Haha brilliant post, thankfully here near Manchester we only got a sprinkling but it's cold enough for the teenager's footy match to be called off. Archie & I are having a snow day indoor watching Frozen & drinking tea (me not Archie on both accounts! lol)

    Gym Bunny Mummy | Bloglovin’ | Facebook

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    1. Ha ha ha. That sounds a great day together! x

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  7. Love this! And so true about waiting to hear if school is closed. 5 years ago school closed for a week straight after the Christmas hols, best week ever! 'Twas the stuff of dreams! x

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    1. Oh god we have had a few boiler broken days and bab that is the ACTUAL DREAM AS THE SCHOOL CLOSES AND THERE IS NO SNOW! x

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  8. Oh, we are so the same! The only advantage that I have is that I have wellies. That's it. I'm dreading this week as I will have to go out and drive and get the girl to school. I'd rather hibernate xx

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    1. And me bab. I would like to stay in an never move. I can walk to my girls school so there literally is no way out of it. Gah x

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  9. Haha! My kids LOVE the idea of snow but I am so not a fan and secretly rejoice when I wake up to yet another day of no snow! ;-) x

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    1. Same here. I am dreading the snow that is supposed to be here tomorrow! x

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  10. Absolutely this. Especially the bit about gloves. Twatting gloves.

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    1. Twatting gloves proper made me laugh! x

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  11. Hehe, hilarious, though slightly jealous that we didn't get any snow and so didn't get a chance to make snow angels or even attempted a snowman!

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    1. There is still time! Tonight should be a snowy night! x

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  12. Ha ha bloody brilliant hun. Snow or no snow when you are trying to dress little ones when you are layered up and boiling is not fun at all hey? Xx

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    1. Its so so so awful. Sweaty and in charge of small children? Is the total worst! x

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  13. Yep! All of this. Only reason I like snow is for the snow days off school lol. x

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    1. You can't beat a snow day off school. It's the stuff dreams are made of! x

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  14. We didn't even have any snow! Well, a tiny bit which just about warranted an Instagram pic. I'm always insistent we go sledging and will usually have one child crying due to cold hands, wet trousers or wet socks before we even arrive.

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    1. As long as there is enough for an instagram picture? In reality that is all that matters! x

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  15. Hahaha this is so funny! Am slightly jealous of your snow day as we did not have one bit of snow over in my neck of the woods. I can only dream of dressing my screaming toddler in six layers and building a turd of a snowman.

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    1. Ah sad times. Maybe one day you too could build a turdy snowman x

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  16. He,he,he!!!
    You capture what ACTUALLY happens only too well.
    Last year I made half a snowman as I got bored...this year I got as far as a mound!! x

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