Sunday, 4 January 2015

What do I do? Now you are 2?


Today my little boy turns two. TWO! That is two years away from the day he was born. Yes I am aware you can probably count but it also means that officially? He is not a baby any more. No. He is a bona fide toddler. Gah! We already have had the tantrums and the shouting "MINE" and "NO". But we also have had a few of those horrible moments when he wants to do things alone. Without me.


You know the frustrating stage where he wants to put his coat on alone, or his wellies. He doesn't need my hand to walk down the tricky (and random) kitchen step any more. I should really be marvelling at the miracle of life and how my little tiny boy is slowly but surely growing up. But do all I want to do is sit down, weep whilst hugging him so tight neither of us can breath and scream "STOP GROWING UP!" But I don't. As they would be weird and terrifying. Kids don't tend to like weird and terrifying. Not a desired quality in a Mother.



I sit patiently whilst he attempts to take his socks off. And then watch him struggle to put them back on. And repeat (grrrr). I try to decipher his ramblings about choo choo trains and Anna and Elsa (jeez they really have infiltrated everything). I even brought him some big boy pants yesterday for the doom of potty training in the summer. But what does this all me for me? What do I do now? There are less sleepless nights. I even went out without a baby bag last week (wipes shoved in my non Mum bag obvs. I'm not a complete idiot). 


I can feel my womb ache at the thought of not having a baby in my house any more. It's always at the back of my mind. That tick, tick, ticking of my biological clock. Me furiously working out how old would I be if I had a third child, who again then waited till 38 to have a child. I make lists of pros and cons in my mind. Think of the financial costs and then look at my lovely cosy bed and remember the lack of sleep. The pain and that awful exhausting fog that envelops you when you've just given birth. And how would I cope with a baby, a preschooler boy and a girl in reception? 


The juries still out. For now I will focus on play dates, foreign holidays and the odd bath alone (such joy)! I shall enjoy time with my four year old beautiful diva and my two year old boy who is obsessed with dinosaurs and dressing as fairies. I will focus on work and try to hold back the envy when my friends pop out another one. Oh being a Mum is a ruddy mind f*ck isn't if? Curse it for being so very, very lovely and curse me waiting just that little bit too long to do it. 

33 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday to your little man. I coped fine when my little man was 2 - it was when he was starting school that I wobbled (and a vasectomy reversal later we had children 3 and 4!!) xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh god I think I would love another five! Then the hub really would leave me x

      Delete
  2. Happy Birthday to such a handsome little fellow. Hope you have all had a smashing day!! I know what you mean, after having Ellenah, I said to all who would listen "I am done!" "I have shut up shop" "No more" and now that she is three (boohoo!)... I often ask myself if I can do it all again every time I see a newborn xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is what I keep thinking. Can I really go through all that pain again for another one? x

      Delete
  3. awwh happy birthday to him! I am saying now I am so done with having babies, but at only 22 I know that I will probably squeeze at least one more out, my problem is when.x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh you have YEARS to worry about that years and years. Lucky lady x

      Delete
  4. Happy 2nd Birthday Brummy Boy! The feelings that you have are the exact reason why I have 4!!! I still get them now, but we are way over having anymore....which is a good job as I'd have dozens xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh god bab I would love to have had four. Would have been ace! Sob x

      Delete
  5. Such an absolutely gorgeous little boy!
    Aaaàh I know how you feel and Holly's only is 16 month old this month and Ella is 5 in March. Oh gosh how they grow up in a blink of an eye. Xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's awesome isn't it?! I've been teasing hubby with thoughts of number 2 but I know it won't be happening yet!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is brilliant. Sometimes it is tiring and horrible. But generally? Amazing x

      Delete
  7. Aw happy 2nd birthday to your gorgeous not so little boy! I stopped at two and often wonder what if. But no, I love my sleep and seeing my 4 and 9 year old play independently in the park and eat non mashed or blitzed food at meal times. Time goes by so fast I don't want to miss anything from my 2 kiddies and if I had a newborn then I would x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is how I feel. If I had another little one then I wouldn't be in the moment with the other two. Sigh. Such a tough decision x

      Delete
  8. Aww happy birthday to your beautiful little boy!!
    You don't look a day over 28 :-) x

    ReplyDelete
  9. Aw! Hope it was a brilliant day lovely. It's funny how birthday makes you want to have more children now. I'm the same. By the way, that dinosaur jumper is amazing! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know - so good. It is from Sainsburys. I have got him an amazing hoody in the same pattern too! x

      Delete
  10. Wow, your kids Birthday and Christmas are all so close, planned that badly didn't you?! ;) hehe. Oh go on, have another! We decided on two before we'd even had one and we are definitely done but I will be feeling the exact same way as you when Little Man turns two in May. Happy Birthday little dude! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We planned it so so so badly. We are fools I tell thee! If we do have another I shall ensure it is in the summer! x

      Delete
  11. Hope he had a fab birthday, and that's a lovely family pic there. As you know, my boy has turned 2 and whilst it makes me sad that he's no longer a baby, he is still my baby and I don't fancy those baby days again! xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is still your baby and a lovely little boy at that. It makes me so sad. But I suppose at least we have more money for stationary eh? x

      Delete
  12. Sob sob sob! My girls are 2 in June and I cannot fathom how I can cope?! Why can't they stay dinky people forever who don't answer back and biro my walls in

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh god. It is just tragic isn't it? Why can't they just stay little forever? x

      Delete
  13. When you find out, can you please let me know too? My littlest turns two on Thursday and my head is in a whirl. I won't have a baby anymore. I'm 38 and waaaayy to old and exhausted for a third.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh hon, this really tugged my heartstrings! My youngest is just over two now and is becoming less baby-like day by day, to my utter dismay. You know what I think about having a third - do it! It's a huge decision but if your hubs is even halfway convinced and you're really sure, it will all be fine and dandy. Loads of people don't have a first till over 40 so you haven't left it too late, but I know what you mean about feeling too knackered and like you couldn't go back to the newborn days. We'd all love hearing about it on the blog though babes! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Brummy Mummy of 3 has a great ring to it;) x

    ReplyDelete
  16. Happy birthday to your boy! Such a lovely post. I don't know if the longing for another ever goes away - I envy people who can definitely say they don't want any more and mean it!
    I've realised your boy is just a few small days younger than my lovely niece :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Aww happy birthday to him. Gosh I know what you mean about want a tiny baby again. You don't think you'd miss it till it disappears

    ReplyDelete
  18. So glad you had a lovely birthday. He is such a cutie xx Your mind does play tricks on you. Gabe starts school next year and I am pondering a fourth at the age of 40. It ain't gonna happen. Never ever. So I don't know what my mind is thinking of. Stupid sentimental mind ha xxx

    ReplyDelete
  19. I had sworn off another bubba until mine turned 3. Now my ovaries are screaming for another. Sob sob. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  20. Awww, Happy Birthday to your little guy!!
    So true though, its strange how your mind starts demanding the next one....

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh lovely bab! My littlest is 2 in Feb! How did it even happen?! TBH i like them growing up though they are so much more fun and i love getting to know them as their own little person.
    HAVE ANOTHER THOUGH JUST DO IT! I will if you will xx ;)

    ReplyDelete

leave me a comment! they make me happy bab...