Sunday, 1 February 2015

Dear Faceless YouTube Lady

Dear Faceless YouTube Lady

I think you are called Amy-Jo. Or The Disney Collector. Or I dunno. Your slightly creepy childlike squeaky voice all merges into one. However, you do always make an effort with your nails and for that I applaud you.

I am writing to give you my sincere thanks. In fact I will go as far as saying I thank you from the worldwide community of parents across the Globe. For some unknown reason. Your beautifully polished nails, unwrapping Kinder Eggs or 'blind bags' transfixes my two small children for hours. And hours. And I will be honest? I just spent 15 minutes transfixed watching you giggle your way through opening a box of weird stickers.

There are lots of questions I have such as who eats all the 'candy'? What happens to all the toys? Do you wear dresses made of tiny strange Japanese stickers? Do you get sent the eggs and toys free? Do you hate your job so hard now you spend your time angrily just smashing giant Kinder Eggs in your garden screaming? And so on.


However I don't really want to know the answers. I would like to think you lovingly buy all the crap you open and when you squeal at getting a Minnie Mouse rubber you truly mean it. I would like to think my children spend a good proportion of their day watching someone who loves their job. Not some strange person who bins all the tat at the first chance and vomits at the thought of "heart shaped candy".

Sometimes. I wonder if you are a murderer who sends my children subliminal messages. But then? I remember the sweet silence you allow me to wee in peace, and I put all thoughts of you being a psychopath out of my head.

So thank you Amy, or Bob the murderer. Whatever the hell your name is. You are weird but you really have saved the sanity of many a new Mum across the country from their darkest moments. Times when they are trying to get a small baby to bed and their toddler is acting cray cray. You somehow inexplicably silenced the lunacy. We are eternally grateful.

I take my tiny sticker covered hat off to you.

Lots of Love Em x

PS Is it true Kinder Eggs are illegal in the USA? HOW DO YOU GET THEM! Don't answer that. I don't want to know #murdersforkindereggs

See my girl unwrap like an EXPERT over on Mum Talk TV

12 comments:

  1. As an adult with no children I shouldn't really confess that I love the kinder egg unwrapping videos myself but they are so hypnotic! You should jump down the RRcherrypie Group rabbit hole with all their weird Japanese sweet making videos, equally as creepy and super addictive.

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    1. Oh my god I really need to get watching those bad boys!!! x

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  2. Ok, so i didn't have a clue what you were on about in this blog post, so i went for a look on youtube... what the f*$k did i just watch?... is this for real? I will show my 1 and 3 year olds this when i need a quiet cuppa... hope it does the trick but worried that they may turn into deranged human beings when they're older... worth the risk for a quiet cuppa s'pose x

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    1. Oh I want to know if it worked! Let me know! x

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  3. My eldest loves YouTube and Netflix on the iPad, and he always ends up on these weird unwrapping videos! I don't know how but he bloody loves them! Although the one he watches is a really annoying American guy with a lisp, but still it keeps him quiet, so I shall live with it! Haha x

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    1. Ha ha ha! Anything to keep them quiet for a little bit eh? x

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  4. I find this quite fascinating. You won't be surprised to discover I've never seen any of things due to the fact a) they didn't exist when my kids were little and b) I'm not a fan of YouTube, but I'm almost intrigued enough to go and look now. In my day we only had Teletubbies and Balamory to get us through a tough day. Times were hard in the noughties.

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    1. Oh god the Teletubbies were probably just as annoying! x

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  5. This is a craze that has so far passed us by, though I've heard of it. Sounds somewhat creepy! And I think it is true that they're not sold in the US - too dangerous...unlike guns...

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    1. Ha ha ha ha! That comment really made me giggle!!!! x

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  6. What is this witchcraft you speak of? I need it in my life!!! Do I just put unwrap kinder eggs into YouTube???

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  7. I want to know how the hell my son finds these?!!! I just don't understand a) where any sane person would get the idea from and b) why the hell would any sane person bother?? Who cares, my three year old is quiet xx

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