Sunday, 22 February 2015

Going on Holiday. Mum Style.

I have recently returned from a weeks holiday in Bluestone and Disneyland. My family had the most amazing time. But I'll be honest? I returned a broken woman. I've put on at least a stone comfort eating at the all you can eat buffet due to 'the pressure' and my leggings? Have holes in the gusset from the constant running around like a maniac. So here is going on holiday. Mum style. 

Preparing for for weeks and weeks 
The packing is generally left to us Mums and so is most of the organisation. It takes weeks. A lot more weeks than we will actually be there. Starting with the outfits needed for every eventuality (snow suit that combines a swimming costume anybody?!). To ensuring that everyone needs are met. If this mean carrying a VAST amount of cheap snacks into another country. So be it. 

Each bag I took equals 47p. I spent £50 on Toy Story dolls. You do the math

Saving a few quid
See above. For a good month or so I wrack my brains to work out how I can save a few pennies here and there. I REFUSE to buy full a priced fruit shoot in another country but then will get inevitability get conned into buying an overpriced pen set or teeny tiny dolly in the gift shop. As earlier I saved myself a grand total of 50p.

Turning wherever you are. Into a semi home 
For some reason since I've become a Mum I don't feel comfortable unless wherever I am is like a miniature version of my actual home. Which means a well placed comfy blanket here and turning ANY bathroom sink into a washing up bowl. Complete with small washing liquid and a cheap bottle of squash I have lugged across the sea. As other countries don't sell squash. Do they??? 

Beauty products? Check. Squash? Check. Washing up? Check. Oh it's just like home!

Abandoning the rules of sleep
In a fit of madness. Amongst all the OCD planning and organisation one thing always slips through the net. The rules of sleep. If your child is normally in bed by seven, alone and snoozing soundly. On holiday? F*ck that! They are still up at 9pm and you end up sleeping four to a bed to ensure that at least some of you (and by that you mean them) gets a remote bit of sleep. Bye bye romantic life. Hello foot in head, elbow in rib and stinky nappy in your nostrils. 

There were four in the bed... and well basically no one gets any sleep

Using your initiative
You quickly adapt to your surroundings. By this I mean finding the wifi code IMMEDIATELY and shoving YouTube on stat. Having a small meltdown if the code doesn't work and shouting at your husband as if it is his fault. Which it probably is.

THANK GOD FOR WIFI AND YOUTUBE

Adopting an almost manic style of enthusiasm 
"Ha ha ha ha he he he this is fun this is just so much fun is everyone having fun are we having fun tee hee FUN FUN FUN".  Holidays send the normal sane woman. Cray cray. The pressure gets to you. The lack of sleep gets to you. The saving 50p a day from carrying round your own fruit shoots gets to you. You enforce fun on everyone. And then when the cracks begin to show...

It's raining and it's cold but WE WILL HAVE FUN GOD DAMN IT!

Having a small weep when it inevitably all goes tits up 
"I. Just. Wanted. Everyone. To. Have. A. Niiiiiccccccccce tiimmmmmme" you sob whilst your husband looks on in terror. Your children are baffled thinking "we were having fun till you went cray cray banging on about bloody fun you insane lady". But? After a luke warm diet coke you dragged across the channel tunnel meaning you saved £1? You are back to normal. Just.

Smile for Mickey. SMILE. IF YOU DON'T SMILE MUMMY WILL CRY. Fook.

Leaving more exhausted than when you arrived
The kids have loved sleeping with you every night. They have gorged on their favourite snacks. They now own a £15 novelty pen set and they couldn't have had any more fun if they tried. Your husband has lived in slight terror of you the whole holiday but you? Leave your destination needing a post holiday holiday. But you can't have one. As you now have to spend three weeks washing. Sh*t.  

35 comments:

  1. This is spot on. A holiday isn't really a holiday anymore is it?! I do the washing up bowl in the sink with my teeny tiny washing up liquid and my scourer too.

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    1. I will be honest. You can't see it here but I packed a scourer too! Ha ha ha! x

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  2. So true! Last holiday we had I had a meltdown saying it wasn't a relaxing holiday at all for me but once I'd had my moment I got on with it and things improved! I am loving the organisation of your snack bags by the way, I thought I was organised but no way am I on your level! Good work! X

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    1. Yes I think I may be taking it a step too far. But them snack bags saved our lives! And about £6. Wahoo x

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  3. This is so funny - I actually laughed out loud reading it.
    We're going with our 3 year old Daughter in less than 2 weeks - along with my Nephew who is 2, my brother and sister in law and my mom and dad!
    What hotel did you stay in? We've booked Newport Bay.
    I don't feel prepared at all!!
    I love those snack bags - such a good idea!

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    1. We stayed there! You will have an amazing time at Newport Bay! It is really brilliant. Bit of work being done on the hotel so our room smelt a bit odd. But still brilliant x

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    2. Ahh good! Did you push the two beds together? One more question... what did you do about milk before bed for your little boy? x

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  4. I would totally take squash with me too! No washing up liquid though - I'd probably just rinse everything out in the shower! x

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    1. Oh my god! Rinsing out in the shower is inspired!!!! x

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  5. Absolutely love this post! So so true and funny. Ah, the lukewarm Diet Coke of justice, that you saved £2.50 on - love it. Oh love, I hope you get a rest and enjoy washing up in your own lovely sink again. xxx

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    1. Oh we had a lovely time and it's nice to be back to your own washing up sink isn't it x

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  6. Fabulously entertaining post as usual! I'm already stocking up with pound shop snacks and drinks for our break in May :) x

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  7. Why do we do it ha. Sounds like you had a great time though. I am knackered staying here do you are my idol. I will adore you forever for it x

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    1. Ha ha ha! God add another kid into the mix and that really would be rock hard! x

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  8. Ha ha, so true, but now you've reminded me I'm slightly scared of going on holiday this summer!! Great post! :) x

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    1. Ah you will have a fab time. I'm moaning but I loved it really x

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  9. This is so true! We have only ever braved a weekend with our 2 and even that was knackering.

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    1. We are aiming for our first week alone in the summer, and going on a plane. EEEEKKKK! x

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  10. Ha ha ha! I loved this and hated this - hated this cause it is sooo true! My husband is always saying to me, "we'd be having a great time if you'd just stop asking us if we are having a great time!!!!" Hope you get some good sleep soon babes xx

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    1. Yay I have slept. We did have a lovely time. I was just a bit of a maniac! x

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  11. This is all so familiar! I've done washing up in hotel sinks too. I even take some anti-bac spray to wipe round. After the holiday where my daughter refused to eat or drink, apart from KitKats and Magnums, I now carry a small suitcase just for drinks - 2 orange juice cartons, 1 apple juice carton and a Fruit Shoot for her every day of the holiday. And the packing and unpacking definitely adds up to more time than we were actually away!

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    1. I have been known to take anti back wipes!!! Oh god the kit kat and magnums holiday sounds a nightmare!!! x

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  12. Oh Em! This sounds exactly like me! When we go to France I bring EVERYTHING, right down to all our food in cool bags in the case! :) Its a bugger to organise but saves us a fortune! Xx

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    1. It does doesn't it! I think that the other half thinks I am insane! x

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  13. Haha Love it! Having also recently returned from Bluestone and Tenerife with my hubby and 7 month old I can totally relate! The worst but was being locked in the basement games room in our Tenerife villa because the door broke whilst I could hear Toby screaming through the monitor. Total meltdown from me and him!xx

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  14. So much Fun Fun Fun. ha ha. I love it. Do you ever try Disneyland Holidays By Coach. try it and even make your journey too funny.

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  15. Yep... Yep... Yep... I can so relate to this post. And why do no other countries sell squash??? Argh!!!

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  16. I am actually crying with laughter, true words, hilare as usual and yay for making front page of Huff. You're a rock star xx

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