Monday, 16 March 2015

Easter Hat Making: The Dream V The Reality

Oh blimey. It's that time of year. Worse than 'World Book Day'. It's the annual 'Easter Crap Hat Parade'. You can't buy these. You can't fob off your kids with a Disney Princess outfit you brought last minute in Asda. In your head, around Good Friday last year, you made a vow that this year would be different. This year you weren't going to be caught short. This year your little one was going to rock an Easter hat so hard people would applaud, weep even. Jesus would be high fiving the angels in heaven whilst God shouts "Hell Yeah!". And as per? You have f*cked it up massively. So here are the dreams you so long for and the tragic reality of Easter Hat Making.

Preparations 
The dream: After World Book day you instantly created a Pinterest board entitled "Ambitious Easter Hats". You spent hours deciding if you were going to go a religious route or focusing on delicate and beautiful shabby chic bunny ears. 

The reality: After 'World Book Day' you recuperate and promptly forget all about the impending day. Until you see a sign on the preschool door announcing 'Don't forget Easter Hats on Friday! Prizes on offer!'. Sh*t! Your daughter still hasn't forgiven you for not remembering there was a 'Red Nose Day' dancing in red (?!) competition. You run home, search the fancy dress box for last years hat. See it's clearly died and can't be resurrected. You weep and Google 'easiest Easter hats ever known to man'. Look at the pictures. And weep again. 

Materials
The dream: Your house already contains various bits and bobs. Cath Kidston swatches and the like. Your Mum has knitted teeny tiny chicks and you remembered to hold on to last years hat so can easily reuse it! Result. 

The reality: You run to Poundland the afternoon before the parade. Raid their shelves. Sweating profusely. Chucking in a cheap pack of Crunchies and some Fruit Pastilles for your efforts. 

Now what the hell do I do with all this sh*t?
Child Input
The dream: Ah the joy of working with your small child. They sit patiently. Never touch the super glue and really offer some good input. Marvelling at your genius. Exclaiming it is the best hat they have ever seen whilst you discuss if Jesus really existed.

The reality: STOP PUTTING F*CKING SUPERGLUE ON THE DOG!!!!! 

Final Product
The dream: Yes! I have done better than last year! Ordering those little lambs from America was inspired! You put a photo on Instagram and get 100 likes within five minutes. You still have a week to go to the big event so you pop it on a top shelf to be a festive display for a few days. So you can show it off to your family. And everyone can marvel at your creative genius.

The reality 
SUPERGLUE SEEPS THROUGH THE HAT AND YOU CAN'T MOVE YOUR FINGERS AND THE FRICKIN CHICKS WON'T STICK ON AND SOME D*CK HAS POSTED A PHOTO OF AN AMAZING ONE ON INSTAGRAM AND YOUR'S IS SH*T. Sob.


Last year Poundland threw up on my daughters head. This year? The same will happen.

Parade Time! 
The dream: Your child manages to keep the hat on on the long walk to school due to the ribbon you cleverly tied on it. They walk into the playground and everyone turns to stare at the masterpiece whispering "gosh now where did she get those tiny sheep?". Of course you win. And everyone is happy.

The reality: You are of course late to school. You run. Your child insists on wearing the hat. It flies off and with it goes five cheap chicks and two bows. Luckily you remembered the super glue. Unluckily you didn't put the lid on and it's now stuck to the inside of your pocket. You try not to scream at your child "STOP PULLING THE EGGS OFF" as you're supposed to being holy or summat. You are ashamed by your efforts...and then???...

...some poor sod walks in in just a highly unreligious Spiderman baseball cap and you mentally fist punch the air. Congratulating yourself for making an effort. You are Super Mum!!!

18 comments:

  1. When I saw this post pop up ... I just knew that you were going to have had oodles of creative fun! Ha ha! Go Super Mum!

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  2. Haha so funny- I have yet to have to make an easter hat masterpiece- I didn't realise it was even a thing. ;) But I do feel under pressure to have a easter egg hunt and make stoopid easter baskets cause the girls love them! x

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    1. Curse us being all nice and making them have lovely Easters! x

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  3. OMG. I have never even heard of this. Definitely missed the stupid hat memo - I don't EVER want to make LP a hat to wear. Oh the cringe! x

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    1. Didn't you do it when you were a kid??? x

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  4. Ha ha! I think I might just not bother trying to make one of these bad boys! ;) xxx

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    1. Be you get lulled into making one beaut x

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  5. Baha, you are supermum, that hat is awesome! I don't remember Easter crafting from my childhood at all! xx

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    1. I am now wondering if it is a weird Brummie thing??? x

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  6. hahaha, I'm laughing! Love this. There's going to be no hats made here though. Sod that. They might get bunny ears free with some easter chocolates and they can deal with that! x

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    1. Can't beat some nice ears from poundland! x

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  7. The hat making. This is why I am glad my children now go to proper school. I stole my creative SIL's and that rolls out every year. Wanna lend it xx

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  8. I quite fancy having a go at making an Easter bonnet, even though Elsa isn't at school and I don't have to! Am I insane?!

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    1. You are but all the best people are! x

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  9. This post made me chuckle, and also filled me with dread. My eldest daughter is still at preschool, and so far they make their own hats as daily play activities. Now, I pride myself on being creative. I am a crafter. I am just very disorganised. I might get the Easter bonnet made by Halloween.... ;)

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    1. Oh and then you can save it for the next year! BOOM! x

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