Wednesday, 25 March 2015

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide to Competitive Parents

Right. Before you read this. We all have to agree on one thing. In our own way we are all a bit competitive when it comes to our little ones. It maybe we raise an eyebrow when someone talks about something their kids can or can't do. Or we have a full on psychotic breakdown and tell everyone, including the bin man, when our daughter gets to have a solo in the nativity play. You weep whilst watching and whoop really loudly at the end looking smugly at other parents (ahem that may have been me). We are only human. We love our children and want the best for them. But as with everything in life. You always get one (d*ck) who takes it that bit...too...far.

We are now immersed in world of Pinterest and Insta-sham and feel pressures that our parents never felt. Sure I bet they worried if their party bags had enough bits of tat in but not to the same extent. In my day the height of sophistication for a kids party was McDonalds where you had a tour of the kitchen (health and safety anyone?) and they pretended to lock you in a fridge. Then? You had made it. But since the arrival of social media we are bombarded with images of beautiful homes and amazing parenting, ranging from OTT parties to fantastic cake making skills. But it is nigh on impossible to achieve this 'perfect parenting' across the board. No one can be amazing all the time. Bar Beyonce and bet even she's sh*t sometimes. 


DID I TELL YOU SHE WAS THE STAR OF THE SHOW? Oh I did.


For example this morning it was my daughters first Easter Bonnet Parade. She was pretty chuffed with my hastily knocked together poundland jobby until she saw this amazing home crafted chicken creation. F*ck. She looked at me sadly and said "I won't win now will I"? I was torn to: a) lie and say yes of course you will and let the teacher deal with it b) rip the hat off her head and shove it in the bin whilst weeping loudly or c) sigh sadly and say "look Mummy's just not that great at making hats but she loves you very much and she tried her very, very best" whilst inwardly dying a little. I went for c). Mainly as we've still not secured her place there and a and b may have resulted in us being on the 'not a chance' list. 

We are all ace at certain things. And you are always going to get that Mum in baby group banging on about her kid sleeping through the night at two weeks and then it will crawl first and blah blah blah. It's irritating but let her have her moment, listen, smile politely and try not to slap her. I'll eat my hat if she's not struggling with weaning or something else is not going according to plan. My son has taken to getting into bed with us most nights. We are failing at 'sleep' but he can count to twenty at two and knows all his animals so? We win at that. My daughter went to school with a really crap hat on today but she also spent half term in Disneyland. So she is in no way getting a raw deal.

This hat? Did not win.

It's swings and roundabouts. Some Mums are amazing at throwing parties and have beautiful homes. Whilst some Dads are fantastic at getting their little ones to ride bikes or can teach them instruments. What we need to do, rather than getting proper pissed off with the stuff we can't do, is focus on the stuff we can do. If you can make an amazing centre piece for your kitchen table based on the season of Autumn? Big up your bad self. If your house is a total sh*t tip but hell you taught your toddler to do the alphabet? That my friend is amazing. The perfect and outstanding parts of our lives may not always fit into an Instagram shot or Facebook status. You can't really make a Pinterest out of 'taught two year old to wipe his own arse'. 

So next time you pop onto twitter and see someone tweet an amazing picture of a birthday party for a three year old whilst all your son did was hit the local wacky warehouse with three mates. Try not to get too irritated, favourite it and remind yourself of something wicked you can do. For example I bet your bottom dollar that Beyonce can't read Brave in a full on Billy Connolly accent like I can. BOOM! Instagram that Sasha Fierce.

19 comments:

  1. Great post! Glad you admitted your competitive too, I thought that was only me! :-) The birthday parties get me a bit, everyone here seems to be paying for 20+ kids to go to a farm park, but that's too expensive for us. So we have 7 friends come to the house, but I try so hard to have an amazing spread and activities to make up for it, which my friends have commented on how great it is. So swings and roundabouts!! Xx

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  2. Great post! Glad you admitted your competitive too, I thought that was only me! :-) The birthday parties get me a bit, everyone here seems to be paying for 20+ kids to go to a farm park, but that's too expensive for us. So we have 7 friends come to the house, but I try so hard to have an amazing spread and activities to make up for it, which my friends have commented on how great it is. So swings and roundabouts!! Xx

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    1. See you are winning at spreads!!!! I do a good spread. Loads of cake x

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  3. Haha love it :) I'm personally a shit tip alphabet mum. High five. I listen and smile but usually in my head I'm singing something, today it was "ready or not here I come you can't hiiiiide I'm gonna fiiind you and etc". Hope u know the song or I'll sound silly! The mums round here seem.to be the most competitive about how ill their kids are, weird eh!
    Wafflemama xx

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    1. OMG that is so weird? In a my kids iller than your kid? Bizarre! x

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  4. You are hilarious and make me laugh every. single. day. I wish we lived closer, I'd be at your whenever I needed a giggle - but actually, I just stalk you online and giggle anyway :) x

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  5. Wow - that hat is like Christmas threw up Easter… (totally a thing) x I am so impressed! lol x Love this blogging series babs - you are a blogging superstar! I am slowly getting back into it - fucking exhausted tho… why didn't anyone warn me that a newborn and a toddler was quite hard really and shit…?! LOL x

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    1. Yeah I never ever mentioned that having a toddler and a baby is shit. Did I??????? x

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  6. Mine is only just 1 but I've already been exposed (not in a weird way) to competitive parents in some way or another. You're right that we've probably all got a small bit of competiveness in us, it just depends how we convey this, like you say, without being a nob. Oh - and I think the bonnet was a pretty good effort! I'm crap at sewing/craft and shudder at the thought of having to make this kind of stuff for my girl in the future!! Top post Mrs X

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    1. Thanks lovely! I aim not to be a nob unless then she is in the nativity then I AM A NOB! x

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  7. I love her hat you big meanie and I didn't know she had a solo in her school (yes I did). I don't know about you but I think I have this Parenting shizz down at the minute (they are all in school)
    .And I'd pay to hear the Billy Connelly reading - put that on your vlog bab xx

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    1. Oh I should be come a Billy Connelly impersonator!!! That's my niche! x

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  8. When you say 'I'll eat my hat', do you mean one covered in pound land shite? Love it - SO true, all of it. Possibly one of my fave posts from you Bab. X

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    1. Ahhh I loved this comment. It made me weep a bit x

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  9. Amen to that! I have two kids who just happen to be quite good at a lot of stuff (I also have one who doesn't!), but they all eat really badly, go to bed far too late and I can't keep a house clean and tidy to save my life. And they have each had one homemade birthday cakes in their lives - well before Pinterest was invented.
    Nobody is perfect. They're showing off about the bits that are going right while struggling with and hiding the many bits that aren't.

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    1. Yay! Glad you agree and are with me in not being able to make cakes x

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  10. Great post. I think there is a natural woman/mothering instinct that kicks in when that egg is fertilised. And we're either trying to be an alpha female or we're feeling bad that we're not. Btw, your Easter hat totally rocks!

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  11. Would totes wear that hat.

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