Tuesday, 5 May 2015

Why It's OK To Have The Odd Moan

I know I love my kids. My kids know I love them. Working in secondary education for well over a decade has shown me what kids are like who don't know what it is like to be loved. Or even liked for that matter. How that effects their behaviour, their outlook on life. And it's awful. And heartbreaking. But I am in the privileged position that my children will never know this pain. Ever. I love them with every inch of my being and I tell them every, single day.

But that doesn't mean that sometimes? They don't drive me utterly insane. Like close to the edge insane. I am fully aware that I am lucky enough to have two beautiful children. And I appreciate them so much. But if you ate chocolate for every meal, as much as you love it? Sometimes? It's going to make you feel a bit sick.

And that's why it's OK to have the odd moan. Life is imperfect. We are imperfect. Yet increasingly we are feeling the pressure to feel perfect. Whether it be in our teens when we think immediate stardom is awaiting on YouTube or the X Factor. Or in our 20's that we can find the perfect career and handsome husband. Or in our 30's we think that our life is a instagrammed, pinterest perfect world full of amazing cakes and happy smiling children. And if that's the way your life did pan out then hats off to you lucky, lucky sod.


But for the rest of us we have to make the most of the happy moments, but embrace that the crappy moments also come with them. And whilst some of you may tuck into a vino when the kids are in bed, or eat a chocolate bar hiding in the kitchen. I? Write my moans down. Because in some weird way I think if I write my moans down it is counteracting the rest of the social media bullsh*t we have to put up with. I want my kids to grow up and know that whilst I loved them, that raising children is a marvellously hard and complex journey. With the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

To some the moaning may appear negative. But to me it is far more positive than a heavily styled instagrammed shot of someones breakfast in a white chic kitchen, whilst I'm eating toast off a Peppa plate and drinking cold tea in Birmingham. The population is made up of all walks of life. But I can pretty much say I am 100% certain that no-one is perfect. I embrace this side of parenting. And that is why I write about it with a sense of humour and love in my heart.

So let's make a small deal. Let's all agree that the odd moan ever so often. Is OK. It's alright. It's healthy. It may not be everybody's style. But that is fine. They can walk away and go and find something they love. We ALL appreciate our kids. We ALL love our kids. And we all have the common sense to have the foresight to be able to explain to them in the future why sometimes? They were ruddy hard work. And like moaning? That's OK too.

30 comments:

  1. I hope you didn't write because you felt you had to justify yourself. You certainly don't. Can you imagine what would happen if we didn't moan about motherhood (no matter how much we love those cherubs?)...? Half the mummy blogs like yours and mine would have to shut down :)

    Moan away.

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    1. Ha ha ha! We would all be redundant. I love a good old moan me! x

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  2. You know, I blummin' love the way you write. Your blog has cheered me up no end as you really do 'get' motherhood and I totally identify with you. We all need to moan now and again and yes, it's totally OK! x

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    1. Ah thanks so much! Motherhood is AMAZING! And a bit crap. And that's the way I like it x

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  3. Emma, anyone who reads a single post of this blog can see that you love your children to bits. You'd do anything for them. End of. Thank you for writing so honestly and for being you. Like you say, there's so much pressure out there to be perfect. Thank you for showing us another kind of perfect - the mother who loves her kids more than anything, and isn't afraid to show what that real love looks like - Peppa pig plates and all. Love you, love your blog, and love your honesty. We need more of it. xxxx

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  4. Loved this. I don't think moaning about your children is a bad thing. Having a little whinge about them is human nature. In the same way as I'd moan about James making a mess in the kitchen AGAIN. I want Grace to be able to look back at my videos or blog posts and see that yes I found parenting hard sometimes and I had a little moan and I cried A LOT lol but that she is also my everything. I have never felt happier since having Grace. And as cheesy as it sounds, becoming a mum has made me feel complete. I love that little girl more than anything and calling her a little madam occasionally doesn't change that. I'd much rather share the reality of parenting than the perfectly produced image that some people portray on Instagram, Pinterest etc. I'm never going to be good at doing elaborate crafts or baking cakes worthy of being on The Cake Boss. I'm never going to look immaculately turned out everyday or have pristinely clean white washed interiors in my home. I'm not a "perfect" mum because I'm not a perfect person but I'm giving it my best shot because I love Grace with every fibre of my being and making her happy is the most important thing to me. I never see your blog posts as negative. In this world of putting on a front on social media, it's actually incredibly refreshing to read someone's posts written with such honesty and humour! You clearly love your children but that doesn't mean it's wrong to have a little moan every now and again. It's OK!

    Rebecca x x
    www.percyandgrace.co.uk

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    1. I love this comment so much. Nail on the head. :) xx

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    2. Ah thanks ladies! And what a lovely comment. It really means a lot. I think there is room for everyone. People fab at crafts. Or fab at interiors. Or just moany old cow bags like us! COW BAGS RULE! x

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  5. Never, in any of your posts, have I ever doubted for a minute how much you love that gorgeous pair. I adore your blog, I adore you and I know those two beauties do too. Love you xxx

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    1. Thanks lovely lady. Love you lots x

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  6. Fab post lovely, we all need to let it out :)

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  7. YES!! This! All of this!

    Emma, I love your writing and you never fail to make me laugh. It has never, ever occurred to me that you don't love your kids. The very thought is absurd.

    The odd moan is OK because sometimes it's all that gets us through the day, isn't it?! It's not harming anyone.

    I adore my daughter and I think the sun shines out of her arse but do I want her to grow up thinking the sun shines out of her ass? Of course not, that wouldn't be healthy. I want her to have a sense of humour and not take herself too seriously, and like you, know that raising a child is bloody hard work - because it is!

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

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  8. You're right, it is important to show how hard parenting is to our kids, to show the different sides of parenting. I love your blog and your sense of humour and would never think you didn't love your kids because you had a little moan but I'm sure some people don't like that style but hey ho, you're not trying to please everyone! xx

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  9. I think one of the most important things you do when openly blogging, in a lighthearted way, about how utterly grim some days can be is you create solidarity for us Mums in our darkest moments. It's not poking fun at the kids, it's supporting the mothers in what can often be the most ridiculous moments.

    You make us remember, we're not alone, which in return reminds us that we're not terrible mothers and so, actually makes us happier, better mothers overall.

    I say this as a Mum who waited many years for my babies, thought I'd never be able to have any and now struggles with the guilt of saying how hard it is because I'm SO grateful for them. Just because it took over 1,000 injections and hundreds of other procedures to get them, it doesn't mean that some days I won't sob at how hard having two of them is (as one drives a toy tractor through the other ones wee puddle on the floor).

    More power to anyone that always manages to look on the sparkly shiny side of parenting, but they are setting people up for a fall. Where's the sisterhood in that?

    Thanks for making us all feel better about the "WTF?!" moments of parenting Em' xx

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  10. Totally agree Emma - having a moan keeps us sane! Your blog is one of my favourites and you're so so good at taking an honest and fresh look at being a mum. Along with Hurrah for Gin and Eeh Bah Mum, you're part of that brilliant wave of parent blogging which is providing something different to the rose tinted glasses view. I love it. I am all about the honesty. But I think what you're doing is very different to the new trend that has been discussed on other blogs this week - that trend is all about being REALLY NEGATIVE all the time. And calling your children names all the time. In a bid to get likes and shares. I'm guessing you don't think that's a fair or kind thing to do to your kids?

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  11. I never moan me. About anything. Except the fact that my house is a mess, my hair needs a cut, the kids are messy buggers and I'd like a cruise around the world please. Brilliant post and those kiddies are lucky little things xx

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  12. YES! The reason I like your blog (and the reason I don't like some others), is because you are honest and you do moan. Because that's what parenting is like. It's blimmin' hard work - whether they're newborns or teenagers, or somewhere in between. We have good days and we have bad days, and by writing about them honestly, it helps to make us, and parenting in general, feel more normal.

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  13. Agree completely Emma! I love my boys and they can't half drive me mad sometimes! (The biggest one - husband is usually the worse- LOL!) I love your honesty and wit as always xx

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  14. Embab I don't call it moaning - it's mumming! I hope you haven't had grief for showing family life in all its glorious reality. All my posts have mini-moans in. We shouldn't have to protest that we love our kids! But for the record, I know you love them so hard it hurts. It shines out of every photo you post of them and you. Your blog is brilliant and perfectly pitched for real mums living real life. Don't go changing'! MWAH xxx Am telling all my pals to vote for you btw.

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  15. It's clear for the world to see how much you love your children Lovely Lady xxx

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  16. I've been reading lots of parenting blogs recently. As soon as they start 'I'm so blessed/I adore my children/Life is wonderful...' I think 'Oops. Not the blog for me!' I like warts and all, wine drinking REAL Mums! I like you! :-D

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  17. Man I love a ruddy moan and its sad that because we moan we then have to justify our love for our kids?! sheesshh were only human, we have limits and kids certainly push us beyond those. Its flipping hard work and the very fact we moan shows how we want to be better or feel its all a little much, it shows we love them and want to be better at it! x Great post

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  18. I completely agree with you. Though I adore my children, there are times they make me want to scream and cry (and sometimes I do). And I think if we raise our children with enough love, they can look back at some moany posts and not feel unloved--and hopefully they will laugh at how crazy they were and how we loved them anyway.

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  19. I don't read blogs that are all shiny and perfect the whole time, I find them boring and unattainable. I like the ones that throw a dash of real-time moaning and the odd crappy bits of life. As you say, it takes all sorts but these are the blogs that make me realise I'm doing ok. Your kiddies are clearly loved beyond measure but if they were perfect all the time? I'd stop reading because I know that my lot are so far from that, it isn't funny. I write my blog as though one day my children will read it. I'm not ashamed to write the horrible bits cos sometimes that's important and I know that they will one day understand that....when they have kids of their own mwahahaha! x x

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  20. Oh Em, this is beautifully written. Not one person could doubt how much you love your two. And I adore how real you are in the way you write about motherhood. It's just how you describe! I think I'm now in the slightly easier stage of parenting, but I remember totally how hard and exhausting those early days can be. I wish I'd had posts like this to read then, I really do! Xxx

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  21. The chocolate analogy was brilliant! Might be stealing this next time someone is telling me I don't know how luck I am!

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  22. Loving your work. Thank you for keeping it real and keeping me sane! X

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  23. We're going through some pretty rubbish things right now and I can honestly say there isn't a day in the past 2 months when I haven't cried. Blogging has took a little back seat but when I read back the posts i have written I'm horrified. They seem so depressing. I need to snap out of this and write something positive but that's not the truth about life right now and I think in years to come I can look back at my blog and know it was an honest account of how I felt.

    Life is not all roses and it annoys me when some blogs are just that. It just seems so fake and those are the blogs I don't enjoy reading.

    I want honesty, the good but also the bad times. Real life blogging is what I like.

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  24. Damn right it's OK to have a moan! And if you can do it in a way that makes people laugh (which you do) it's a win-win!
    People who only blog about their 'perfect' lives, kids and whatnot can sod right off. B O R I I I N G *yawns*
    You make me laugh and most importantly you keep it real. Yours is everything that I look for in a blog. XX

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