Sunday, 28 June 2015

Haters Gonna Hate! Your Guide To Dealing With Trolls!

This weekend one of my posts popped up on an online women's magazine in Australia. As per usual I was a cross between excited and a little bit scared. Was this post going to go down well? Or get slated by strangers. And sure enough three comments in someone said it was "sh*t". My stomach felt a little knotted but I reminded myself of a mantra I decided many months ago that I should apply to my writing life 'Never. Look. At. Comments'.

As a blogger sometimes your writing may get picked up by other sites. It may be Mumsnet Blog of the Day, or Netmums Blog of the Week. You may pop up on The Huffington Post or some random other place that loved your work so much they want to show it off. It could get retweeted by someone with a lot of followers or may just get stumbled upon by a whole new audience. This is an AMAZING feeling. But I have learnt that it is a double edged sword. As it appears some online commenter's? Are d*cks. And brutal ones at that.

On Instagram someone said my son was a 'Gremlin' and 'Ugly' in this shot. Thanks!

At the bottom of this post I have listed the various blogs of mine that I have received a vast amount of abuse on. I have been called everything from a ho to a bad mother, my children have been called ugly to spoilt, my husband has been called weak and been encouraged to leave me. I am evidently stupid, unstable and should never have been allowed to have kids. Some of the AWFUL crimes I have committed to get such comments have been: I made a spelling mistake in one post (evil woman), I moaned a bit about my husband buying world cup stickers (I should be put in jail!) and I have confessed that my children have tantrums (SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW).

The sad thing is I have kinda accepted now that this is part of the job. Whenever I press publish there is a small fear that some short of sh*t will be thrown my way. That I may wake up to abuse all over my blog, or on my Facebook page. And when I see that other bloggers have got abuse and they are shocked and hurt. That makes me sad too. It makes me want to shout "don't give up", "don't stop". So here are a few ways to help you if you find yourself in a position of receiving negative comments online.

HOORAY! I'm in Australia! Oh somebody thought it was sh*t.

Have A Little Cry
Having a little cry is OK. I am all for crying. Have a good moan to your other half. Shout a bit about it. And get it out of your system. All the time ensuring that your phone is many miles away from your hand as that may result in...

Getting Aggressive Online
I may have once got into a very heated argument with a lady on a popular parenting site's Facebook page who I think I probably ended up calling a knob. Whilst this feels very good for 30 seconds it then dawns on you that this is the reaction they want. Oh and for gods sake don't do it tipsy!

Delete and Block
I think if your blog has gone on another site you are kind of fair game for comments and you cannot really win that battle as it's not your space. But if someone is tweeting you, or leaving abuse on your blog, or Facebook page you are well within your rights to delete those arses and block them. I may in my more immature moments send a really nice message such as 'Thanks for your AMAZING comments ;) x'' and then do it. As I imagine that makes them really angry. And they can't reply! I am a genius.

Look At The Positives
As parenting bloggers I feel we provide a much needed service, for free. We are writing content that Mothers and Fathers across the globe can tap into at any point of the day. Maybe they need a smile on a terrible night feed. Or a quick and easy recipe they can do with the kids. So focus on that rather than the two or three people who are calling you a loser. They probably smell. Yeah I went there.

Suck It Up And Move On
You could give up. You could stop altogether but? I rather you didn't. I would rather you maybe take a small break but then think of the positives of your space and be fuelled to write more. It's hard. And I have lay in bed at night sometimes thinking "I really am a bad Mum as random Dad's in America say I am". But I'm not.

And My Mantra...DO NOT READ COMMENTS!
On your own blog, comments are on the whole massively positive. On other sites? Not so much. So now? I don't read them. I just don't bother. I would rather be blissfully unaware that someone thinks I am an awful human being. I remove myself. Sometimes it is like a car crash. You want to look. It is so tempting. But don't. Or if you do have the strength, focus on the positives as they will always outweigh the bad.

Shake It Off
And in the words of Swifty you have to 'Shake It Off'. Imagine the amount of abuse that I have had v the amount of abuse the Kardashians have? And I am sure that they are sitting on their trillions of dollars not giving an actual sh*t.

Mail Online readers thought my kids were spoilt. And theirs? Didn't have tantrums. Yeah right.

Now behold my most abused posts. See the terrible crimes I have committed! Watch with horror at how horrible I am! Gasp with how really?...Well they are fairly inoffensive. And ALWAYS remember people are cray. And you just can't reason with madness:

Daddy Day Care - Fathers from America found the post and trolled my blog. Tweeting me abuse whilst deleting the evidence as they went. Lovely.
My Dirty Mummy Secrets - The anger from this post was so bad I had to write a statement for the site it featured on to stop it. I cried for about three days solid.
12 Signs You Are Going Out Out - I made a spelling mistake. Which meant I was 'stupid' and it must be 'awful' to be my friend. I think this post across the world has been seen by nearly a million people. Yet? I remember that ruddy spelling mistake.
World Cup Sticker Widow - My husband was encouraged to ditch me as I was a 'ho'.
10 Signs You Are The Owner Of A Toddler Girl - I didn't deserve children as I said I 'owned' my daughter.

44 comments:

  1. I can't understand why anyone would troll someone as lovely as you. Dicks.

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  2. Wise words! Never go below the line. So pleased you've reached this new zen-like state :)

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  3. People can be shit bags. They are often losers with nothing better to do. You are fabulous xx

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  4. Putting it in writing like you have here just goes to show how ludicrous the mean comments are!

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  5. Well I am one of the (many) people who you have made smile during a night feed, a tantrum, a tired day and an awful week. (And during good moments too. I don't only read your blog when I'm miserable.) So thanks x

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  6. People can be so bloody awful. You however, are awesome!

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  7. I've never gone viral, I've never been trolled. I've had a few comments that have made me sad, but nothing on the scale you have dealt with. You are lovely and I've seen you in action as a mummy, so I know first hand what some of these people have commented about you in the past is just plain ludicrous. You deal with it so well and I applaud you so much for that xx

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  8. You are a bloody, bloody poo poo crap head! See how ridiculous that sounds? Yep, that's what they all sound like in comparison to your fab posts! :) xx

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    1. Poo poo crap crap head has made me LOL! x

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  9. Haters are always gonna hate and some people have way too much time on their hands. I love your way of dealing with it x

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  10. I think it's awful that people get their kicks in that way. I've always wanted to have a post go viral, but this makes me feel lucky that I never have because I don't think I could cope with that abuse. I once got abuse (pre-blogging days) for a very bland story about my family in the local paper and in the end they had to shut the comments down as people were so rude.
    So glad you keep on blogging. As you say, there are thousands of people who enjoy your posts and just a handful of sad individuals who've got nothing better to do than be rude.

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    1. Yeah viral is ace! And then sometimes? A bit crap x

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  11. I've never understood trolls, they are obviously so unfufilled in their own lives. I can imagine it would be so easy to give up, but I'm glad you haven't x

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    1. Thanks bab! Sometimes it makes me sad x

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  12. Just not worth the time of day, trolls. They get their kicks from seeing people rise to their provocation. As with any fire, the best way to put it out is to starve it of oxygen. (And then go away and have a little cry, which is absolutely fine.)

    Maybe I've got a thicker skin but trolls don't bother me. Or maybe it's because I frequented online forums a lot before taking up blogging, and learned my lesson the hard way that it's just not worth engaging a troll, even politely and rationally. But never let unkind words distract you from the fact that you're a great blogger who is much loved. As you so rightly say, haters gonna hate. That Swifty, she's *so* smart, isn't she? :-)

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    1. SO SMART! Oh bet online forums are brutal aren't they???! x

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  13. It always amazes me that people have the time and inclination to do this. You are fabulous, and I hope these tips and seeing you through xx

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  14. Having just dealt with my first hater, this has come just in the nick of time for me. I'm apparently to be felt sorry for with my post being cruel - all because I dislike it when people think my little girl is a boy. I knew it'd happen one day, but I didn't expect my first to come from a fellow blogger! Not cool. As it was a fellow blogger, I published her comment and responded nicely... Next time I may follow your advice and just click delete - probably not worth my time, nor effort. Great tips. :)

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    1. No way? Oh I'm sorry!!! That's not nice at all!!!! You behaved the right way x

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  15. I am brand new to the world of blogging and the hater thing really puts me off...that being said I still want to give it a go. I will keep your wise words in mind! I love your posts, some of them have got me through some very dark times so thank you :)

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    1. My pleasure! Most of the time? Blogging rocks! Sometimes? And only sometimes it sucks. Give it a go! It's ace! x

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  16. Just ridiculous but I love your attitude. Good one you. I've just been having a conversation with Amy Ransom about the same thing. She seems to attract haters too! I reckon it's a sign you've made it. I almost feel sad that I've never had a troll. What am I doing wrong?!

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    1. Would you like me to troll you? ;) x

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  17. Never look at the comments? Yeah, right! Attention whores that run 'blogs' like this do it purley for the self gratification that only the comment section can provide!

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    1. Thanks for your comment! Lovely to be called a whore on a Friday evening! Have a lovely weekend xxx

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    2. Oh dear... bitter, twisted Miss Anonymous is out tonight! Leave your name next time hun, don't be shy and hide behind the anonymous status, that is so last season yawn!!!

      Anyways I think you're fab Emma, because... wait i have a list...
      1) you write blog posts so funny i sometimes spit my tea out with laughter when reading them
      2) you're a fellow Brummie - alroight bab!
      3) you said i looked young at Brit Mums (oh and i got ID'd in Morrisons the other day for buying the hubby a real ale - aldi moisturiser is turning out to be the bomb!)
      4) You are flippin lovely and have such a positive energy about you and finally
      5) If you didn't post such fab blog posts, what would the trolls do on a friday night? Huh, you are doing them a service - be proud xxx

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    3. Ah thanks lovely!!! xxxxxxxxxxx

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  18. You rock lady and argh the irony of a troll on a post about trolling. Too right, ignore the haters, I love your attitude girl, haters are gonna hate, tomatoes are gonna tomate, you are a shining blogging superstar, it's all envy baby! xoxoxo

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    1. Tomatoes are going tomate? HILARIOUS!!! xxxx

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  19. Ive just been reading all the other posts & they just make me chuckle, im not sure how people can take offence?! I think some people live a little too seriously...ur fab emma, love the blog! X

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  20. Great advice, although I don't think I could resist reading the comments - I must be an attention whore ;) Seriously, if you're going to be a dick, at least have the back bone to leave a name. In a way you've got to admire the sheer ridiculousness of someone trolling a post about trolls - that really sums up their mentality for me.
    Debbie
    www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com

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  21. Haha, trolling on a post about trolls- good one, anonymous...

    Anyway, great post. I really find it really sad that people feel the need to says such vile things about you. Hiding behind a computer screen can turn people into truly nasty creatures. I'm not sure I could handle cruel comments about my boy, though- I'm feeling quite glad that nobody reads my blog now!

    There's some great advice here. Love your ways of dealing with it. And, your blog's great by the way.

    Oh, and if Daily Fail readers are disagreeing with how you are raising your children, you're clearly doing something right!

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  22. On an old blog of mine, I wrote a post about being "chatted up" a.k.a. harassed, in the street (although I was surprisingly reasonable about it and didn't actually use the word "harassed"). Somehow this post ended up on a website for men who enjoy chatting up (a.k.a. harassing) women in the street (I didn't even know that was a thing prior to this) and although to be fair most of said men were perfectly reasonable and just found the blog post interesting, some went to the trouble of finding pictures of me to insult, and one person even said I should "die of AIDS." Frankly, I thought this rather extreme. Happily, quite a few people then leapt in and actually defended me! The internet can be a very strange place. Great advice, and thanks for writing this. I shall return to it if I ever face such vitriol again!

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  23. This has literally just happened to me. I've just been ripped to shreds courtesy of another blogger and have been called a bitch, a bint, sexist, condescending and my husband an idiot. It's my first step into this world of outrageous hatred.
    Feels great! I guess this is what it's like to be successful in the blogging world eh?
    You're the most fabulous 'whore' I know and I love you. Wise words from the greatest.
    Lots of love from

    Condescending bitch/bint who is a 'shit' mother xx

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