Thursday, 11 June 2015

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide To Discipline

I have been a teacher for well over a decade. I have a Masters in Education. I have had teenagers scream at me, swear at me, throw things at me. I can pretty much cope with anything. But do you think that I can get my four year old to wear leggings? Hell no. Do you think that I can get my little boy to share? Not a chance. Do you think I have ever stood in the garden whispering to my husband on the phone to him "I just can't do it. They won't do what I want" and having a little cry? Yep. And more than once.

I don't know the reasons why, and I presume it must be to do with love and sh*t, but our very own children seem to be the ones that tip us over the edge the most. And despite all my years of training. Even I feel like a total and utter failure some (actually quite a lot) of the time. I have had screaming rows with my daughter in front of my family, I have near on heart attacks when my son has ran across a park. And let us never mention the time when I popped my daughter's balloon in the back of the car as she was being a nightmare (this Mummy guilt shall NEVER leave me).


I could continue letting my two get away with blue murder permanently. But I believe that sometimes? Children need discipline. And I have accepted with good grace (and by that I clearly mean I hate it) that I am 'Bad Cop'. In my house I am the one that does the naughty step, that organises the reward charts for potty training/staying in bed/not being an arse. Only half an hour ago my daughter was running circles round her Dad in the garden. I popped my head out the window and shouted like a fishwife "IN!". And she came in.

I am the one that has to take them outside to have words when there are strops in restaurants, or they are lying in the middle of Asda screaming. I have taken away toys, I have picked and carried shouting children to naughty steps and YES I HAVE POPPED A BALLOON AND CAN WE ALL STOP GOING ON ABOUT THAT NOW PLEASE. And I am also the one who has felt terrible about this. I hate being the shouty parent. It's not such hard at work when I'm screaming at a 6ft 2 lad who's just told me to f*ck off. They don't have huge blue eyes or scream "nobooooddddy looovvveeesss meeeee" (my girls newest party piece).


But? Just as you can't have two 'Good Cops' (we don't need another person continuously feeding them ice lollies and playing a game called The Gruffalo where everybody ends up crying). You can't also have two 'Bad Cops'. So I am taking one for the team. My two need boundaries and they need to learn the life lessons that will help them in later life. Can you scream, cry and throw yourself to the floor when your boss wants a report in? Nope and neither can you bite them or bonk them over the head with a plastic dinosaur.

So next time my son is lying mutely on the floor, or my daughter is screaming "but why do you hate me?". I am going to calmly walk them to the naughty step, or put a cross on the reward chart and think of how they will thank me when they are the worlds first hybrid scientist/lawyer/international popstar.

20 comments:

  1. I know how you feel, mine do the same and my husband is so laid back. I am the bad cop and i do the reward charts the discipline etc. my husband let's them get away with loads of things all within reason. but normally I would be pulling them up for that behaviour. but we wouldn't change it for the world. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah you're right. My husband is defo all about the fun! But it is me they come running to when they are ill. So I WIN! x

      Delete
  2. It's the same here too....I am the shouty one who does the discipline my girls....My fella is the soft one who lets them get away with murder....It's crazy but it works like this.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I get like this. I wonder how I used to smoothly manage and motivate a huge team of adults to ensure they did as asked, yet I have little to no control over two tiny people? They can take me to the brink when I'm muttering to myself, and it's only I who feels guilt, as they've no doubt forgotten about the incident 5 minutes later! But you're right, they do need boundaries and to learn, and I guess that's all part of the job. And I didn't get cuddles and tickle fights in my old job, so I'll take the rough with the smooth ;-) xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha that has really made me smile! Thank goodness I don't get cuddles and tickles in my job. I would be arrested! x

      Delete
  4. I popped TWO balloons once one for each child and there's no guilt in me at all..wonder what tat says about me!? I'm the bad cop too incase you hadn't guessed it's rubbish but someone's gotta do it! They'll thank me one day...I think ;) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YAY! You popped balloons too! Makes me feel so much better! x

      Delete
  5. I love this, and I so agree. Since we can't bonk our bosses over the heads with plastic dinosaurs, there has to be a 'bad cop'. It's not me in our house though - I'm too soft for my own good xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can never imagine you being a bad cop. You're too lovely! x

      Delete
  6. Oh I can see this coming, my daughter is only 8 months old and already has daddy wrapped round her little fingers. I have already accepted that I will have to be the one to step up and be "the bad cop".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sigh. As soon as mine was born? Daddy melted x

      Delete
  7. Great post! I am the one who disciplines in this house too. But I'm okay with this. It will be because of me that my kids will be adults who are kind and well-mannered. And it would be cool if they were scientists/lawyers/pop stars too! xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They can all be in the same group!!! x

      Delete
  8. Oh this piece goes very nicely with the one that I wrote on Monday. Kids. Need. Discipline! But I hate that they hate me most of the time and am praying that the old adage : one day they will thank you - rings true. So hard sometimes but someone's got to do it! Great post lovely and did you really pop her balloon? You meanie! Pahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did! And seriously. As I did it? It was like in slow motion. I will never ever forgive myself! x

      Delete
  9. So very true! It's horrible having to do it, but kids need discipline. Far better that they have a tantrum and briefly hate you know than they grow up to be young criminals due to a total lack of discipline and boundaries. I've always been the one doling out the discipline too - I think it usually is mums as they're generally the one that's around most. But, over the last couple of years, my husband and I have swapped places. He's turning into a right grumpy old man and I'm reaping the rewards of being 'fun parent'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ohhhh! Maybe when they are bigger I get to be fun Mum! Actually scrap that I will be worse as the teacher in me will come out x

      Delete
  10. Looks like I've got lots of fun coming my way ;) my daughter is 4 months old and already has her daddy wrapped around her little finger! Haha xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh blimey. Good luck! And congratulations xxx

      Delete

leave me a comment! they make me happy bab...