Friday, 31 July 2015

15 Ways To Ensure A Pre-Holiday Breakdown

1) tell your children that you are going on holiday a month before you go. To ensure that they are going to ask about said holiday thirty five times an hour. Every hour. And intermittently weep as they still have three weeks to wait.

2) but? rather than deciding to start to pack for your holiday a month before you go. Don't. Leave it till two days before you go and discover the following...

3) ...for a week's holiday in the UK you need for two children: fourteen outfits each, a variety of pyjamas, spare pants, summer coats, winter coats, sun tan lotion, woolly tights, gloves.

4) ...however you don't appear to actually own seven pairs of pants.

5) ...and you only have three pairs of leggings that you are somehow going to have to rotate, or rinse in the sink. Which is just as well as by taking 30+ outfits for your offspring? Three leggings and four pants is all you can shoe horn in.

Half way through packing. AND I'M LOVING LIFE!

6) whilst doing all the packing you decide you HATE IT SO MUCH AND THAT IT'S NOT FAIR THAT YOU ALWAYS DO IT. So you send your husband a few passive aggressive texts. One which includes an angry faced emoticon...

7)...but you would NEVER let him actually pack as that would involve him just remembering one pair of your leggings. And no pants.

8) whilst in the middle of packing you decide to take a break and try your old swimming costume on. This results in tears and five minutes lying face down on your bed. Which is covered in wellies, jelly shoes and swimming nappies.

9) you finally manage to pack. Four cases, a baby bag, a picnic bag, a bin bag for shoes, a bin bag for coats, a bin bag for random crap your kids want. Including a dirty teddy, a smelly IgglePiggle, a broken Peppa Pig phone and so on.

10) time for body maintenance! You've given yourself two hours to try to and get your body to look a bit like those ladies off of the Myleene Klass beach ads. This includes doing the following...

To shame him on the internet forever. The way my husbands 'packs'.

11) ...buying a home dye hair kit. They don't have the one you usually use. So you use a random one. And leave it on too long whilst you pack more random crap you forgot and a bit of your hair goes blue. Like a real crap X-Men character.

12) ...next you shave all the bits on show. Paying special attention to your toes.

13) ...you hack at your private hairy bits with a pair of kids scissors as you've forgotten any kind of bikini line kit. You husband walks in. And worryingly doesn't say anything.

14) you finally fall into bed at midnight. Hair free (kinda), moisturised to within an inch your life, smelling of cheap hair dye and brown biscuit self tanning lotion if you're feeling really fancy. You finally relax. Excited of time away with your little family.

15) Then? You think of the post holiday washing. And you internally shout 'F*CKING HOLIDAYS'.

27 comments:

  1. Yay, sounds fun! Have a great time :) x

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  2. Yay, sounds fun! Have a great time :) x

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  3. Haha, this is me getting ready for hols without kids yet so goodness knows how you organise two more people too! Have a great holiday and try not to think about that washing til you're back xx

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  4. Ha ha - we got back a week ago and still I haven't worked my way through the washing bin bag. I might just throw some of it away and go and buy some new stuff! Enjoy you're break - you've earnt it!

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  5. This is why I refuse to stay anywhere that doesn't have a washing machine. That way we only have to pack for 5 days and I don't have a nervous breakdown over the laundry when we get back xx

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    1. There is a launderette opposite. And? I am SERIOUSLY thinking of popping in today! x

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  6. Sounds like my house before the hols 😁😖😂

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  7. Loved this post. It's so true.

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  8. Awesome post. I will share on Mrs Mummypenny:-))))

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing it lovely! x

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  9. Aaagh! So very true! I never get to bed before midnight the night before a holiday. Every time I think I've finished I remember 27 other things. And my husband always works 14 hour days (including weekends) in the run-up to the holiday (ie basically working all the hours he would miss while he's away), so I have to do it all!

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    1. At least your husband has an excuse for leaving it all up to you! What's mine??? x

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  10. pmsl, I hear ya. number 7 definitely, why can't men pack? he puts what he wants to take on the bad and then I have to fold it otherwise it will all be really creased, its like having another child!

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    1. It really is!!! I have to pack to go home today. Now...wonder who will be doing that then??? x

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  11. Ha ha I snorted at the end with the bikini trimmage. This is fab lovely. Hope your holidays are amazing xx

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  12. True dat. On our next holiday, I'm instituting a rule where we all wear the same dirty outfit everyday and see if that has a negative impact on our holiday.

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    1. Ha ha ha ha! I AM LOVING THAT RULE! x

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  13. I cracked it this year..3 teenage girls..mum and dad's clothes in 3 VACUUM PACK BAGS enough for10 days in france then add bags of food and shoes (obvs!) Cram into vw golf and voila I could even see out the back oc the car !! Goodbye suitcases...well only if you are in your car!!

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    1. Now. This is an amazing plan. But how do you get it back? x

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  14. Same on the way home..except this time you have extra holiday impulse buys so you do t get to see out the back anymore. I ckd post a pic but cant work out how !

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  15. This is brilliant! We're going on holiday in the UK with our 2 month old son and I'm anticipating all of this. I'm impressed you found the time to fake tan!! I'm rocking my corned beef spottled legs.
    Have a great time on holiday. X

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