But then why am I still walking around with a belly that looks like I am 7 months gone and the less said about my bottom? The better. So I thought I would jot down the times I do eat during the day. It can't be much and as I am running around really all these foods consumed are calorie free aren't they? They don't really count. So here is my 'Mum Diet'. Let's try and see why I'm not Mossy's younger, slightly chubbier, Brummy sister.
No time for breakfast for me in this house! In between clearing up spilt milk and squashed bananas! Hang on they haven't eaten their toast? Oh I will just have that then. It would be a waste wouldn't it? And that half of a banana. I will just finish off my luke warm tea as I haven't had anything to eat have I? So I better have a few biscuits. I don't want to faint.
Calorie free as I walked for a bit. And only had one biscuit for breakfast. Kinda.
Oh my boy has fallen asleep on the pre-school run. And I am ever so tired from all the rushing around. The ten minute walk there must have burned off a few calories so I better have a big slab of cake. As that doesn't count as I didn't really have breakfast bar one biscuit. And then the ten minute walk back will burn it off. Won't it?
Cheese sandwiches means that for every piece of cheese I cut for their sandwiches? I must have one bit for myself as I've barely eaten today. No time to make a sandwich for myself. Again. Oh they have both left half a sandwich and some of their crisps. Waste not want not!
Time for a movie. To make it an authentic experience we shall have popcorn! In dead shabby chic pop corn holders! And I read somewhere once that Madonna lost loads of weight just eating popcorn. As I've had nothing else to eat today, bar I think I may have had one biscuit, I better treat myself to a few handfuls. And eat any remains they have left.
Have you finished with your popcorn. Save some for Mummy! She's barely eaten!
Huzzah for the easy joy that is fish fingers and waffles! I've got to do all the washing up so I will have to miss another meal. Oh look! There's two fish fingers left and I think my son dropped a waffle on the floor? Better get that up before the dog eats it. Wonder if it still tastes OK...
HOORAY IT IS A FRIDAY AND WE HAVE TAKE AWAY! Which is just as well really as I have nothing to eat today but a bit of diet popcorn. And that Madonna's too thin anyway.
*Please note other calorie free foods include: party food (as parties are stressful and you sweat a lot), picnic food (as all food is calorie free in the summer!), ice creams from Ikea (it's tiring buying candles), cake's when meeting up with other new mums (new mums get to eat as much as they like. It's the rules)...and so on...