Monday, 27 July 2015

The Five Stages Of A Rainy School Holiday Day

Denial
You open the curtains at 6am (or earlier, the sods). And take a look around. It's pouring! However? You think "It will brighten up later! It will be great! Maybe we could play in the garden? Or go to the park! Make some amazing family memories!". And if you have planned a day out to a theme park that has already cost approx one bazillion pounds? There is no way you need to pack your waterproofs. No siree, you don't need them one bit...

Anger
WHERE THE F*CK ARE THE WATERPROOFS? WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF HAVING A SUMMER HOLIDAY IF IT JUST P*SSES IT DOWN ALL THE TIME? I CANNOT STAY IN THIS HOUSE FOR ANOTHER SECOND WITH THESE TWO LUNATICS. THAT'S IT WE ARE MOVING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY.

See those two blurs? My children. Running in circles sent insane. By the rain. 

Bargaining
If you are due to go to the theme park, you go and spend a miserable day in a plastic bag poncho. Which is preferable to staying inside for twelve hours with two small children. You bargain with them in the form of the following: netflix, fruit shoots, CBeebies, driving for a Happy Meal, chocolate, wotsits, art/messy play (vomit, only for the VERY bored), playing dens, tea parties...you look at the clock. It's 1pm. ONLY SIX HOURS TO GO! Doom.

Depression
After looking at your IPhone weather app. For the hundredth time. It dawns on you that the rain is going to last a few good days. You weep internally. You remember your summers hanging around the streets (the days when you could without being stolen), knocking about with your mates, like an instagram memory in a faded Sierra. You call your Mother up to moan. She points out you are insane and that many a summer was spent sat moping in a caravan in Yarmouth whilst it p*ssed it down.

Acceptance
It's raining. There is rain. The rain is not going to change. It's not so bad. Look at the positives: non of you have to get dressed, you can remain braless all day, a movie afternoon is pretty much called for along with the complimentary popcorn. So there may be chance to sleep with your eyes open. And it's not like it's going to rain allllll summer is it? That would just be plain cruel!* 

*(See Denial).

Good news! Booze is almost COMPULSORY at bedtime in the rain. You deserved it!

17 comments:

  1. Made me giggle thank you it was just what I needed this rainy Monday morning x

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  2. Ah this is just so right. I'm reading this with one stuffing cupcakes down her gob and the other screaming at a train game on the phone *sigh*

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    1. It's sunny here today at last!! I hope you are having more fun! x

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  3. This is so funny because it all sounds so familiar!!

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  4. Loved this and it rained so much today, it did my absolute head in! Roll on hotter weather, it has to get better than this! Yes to alcohol, count down till these kids eventually sleep here! x

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    1. It is sunny today! Let's hope it stays!!! x

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  5. Ahh, a day without a bra. Now that's my kind of day! Hope the weather isn't rainy this week. x

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    1. It's sunny today. I still don't have a bra on. That's how I roll x

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  6. So funny and so true! I am reading this with Peppa Pig in the background, after handing out lollipops at half nine I the morning. Sigh!

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    1. Ha ha ha lollies at 930am. How restrained of you! x

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  7. Haha! So funny. I love the sleeping with your eyes open. That is so true. I do it often :)

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  8. Braless... classic :) very funny blog x

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