Sunday, 20 September 2015

5 Ways To Win At Motherhood

Do you remember the days when you were career driven? A triumph would be winning a big account, hitting a target or in my case teaching during Ofsted and passing with flying colours? Personally your goals may have been to buy your first house, pass your driving test or fit into size 10 skinny jeans in Top Shop (this one is still alluding me). These were big things, potentially life changing scenarios. Then? You have kids and your standards? Drop. You high five yourself in the tiniest of situations. The mundane becomes marvellous. And dear God what you wouldn't do just to get a lie in...

Sleeping Through The Night
At first you think your child is NEVER EVER GOING TO SLEEP all night. You drive yourself potty reading tips, crying to your husband, wondering where you have gone wrong. And then? One night...shhhhhh they haven't woke up. You need a wee. But your daren't move. You try to go back to sleep. You can't. Oh maybe the monitor isn't working? You check it. It's fine. You lie awake a bit more wondering if there is something wrong. And then you do what every person knows they shouldn't. Check on them and they f*cking wake up. GAH!

I'll just check into see if they are OK...

A Lie In Till 7am
My husband used to lie in until 11am most weekends. Now? If we wake up and see 7am on the alarm clock? We high five each other and then immediately panic as it generally means someone is ill. So that extra hour of sleep? Could result in three nights of non.

This photo. Represents the POLAR opposite of sleeping in!

The Dream Nap
Ah the joy of the nap. What would we do without it? However, around the age of two you start to panic. You know it's going soon and you begin to worry. You spend more time trying to get them to nap so you can wash up, than they actually are asleep. You don't want to give up just yet and then? There is that magic moment where the stars a line and they fall asleep in the car so you can pop through a drive thru. Or on the couch so you can quietly watch Made in Chelsea. You instagram such times. As they are so rare. And so beautiful.

Quick! He's asleep!! Shove Made In Chelsea ON!!!

Shopping Minus A Tantrum
If you manage to do a full weeks shop with a child and come away with 1) not having to have brought a £25 'bribe toy' or 2) them not having a full breakdown in Asda. You my friend? Are living the dream. This is worthy of a Facebook status. No promotion at work could produce such elation.

My Mum went to Asda. And had to buy a DVD so she could get a loaf of bread

The Important Phone Call
Sometimes in life you have to make important phones calls. You know the REALLY boring ones to do with banks and doctors. And they have to be done during the day. Whilst your children are fighting over which video to watch on YouTube. So you creep into the kitchen, with a back of an envelope as every pad is scribbled all over in green wax crayon. You sit down. Dial. And whisper the whole conversation. Because...if they hear it is important...they know...and will plan to screw every second of the phone call to your bank manager up #JUSTBEQUIET

TV on, guinea pigs out, chuck em a fruit shoot and I can book my smear in peace!


There's loads of other situations I feel that I am winning at life. Like retrieving a child from the top of a soft play without sweating loads, managing to get a child out of a wet swimming costume to have  wee and back in their swimming lesson within a minute or the time my children actually got the concept of sharing and did it! We may not be winning at much ladies? But we are winning at Motherhood!*

*5% of the time. But that's OK!

12 comments:

  1. Ha ha :) always checking up on my sleeping angel, resulting in her becoming a little awake pest :D bribe toys are used here too :) sometimes I do win at being mum as well!

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  2. All true! We made it to 6am this morning, but with no night-time wake ups, it was a win! xx

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  3. I felt like a winner the other day when I managed to make 3 phone call in 1 morning. #winning. Great post honey x

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  4. It's funny how three out of five relate to sleep! For me, winning at life would be having all three of mine asleep by 10.30pm, but as that is never going to happen, I'd settle for just two of them!

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    1. Sleep is defo the most important thing in the world in this house! x

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  5. I used to think I was winning pretty hard at sleeping because my daughter started sleeping through the night from about four weeks. Now she wakes up every hour or two and I'm paying for being so smug. Arrggg.

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  6. Winning over here is simply making it to 7.05pm without cracking open a bottle of wine, is that bad?!

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