Wednesday, 9 September 2015

More Me. Less Martyr

This is another one of those posts where I don't know if it's just me. So if it is just me. Apologies. Think I'm a bit loopy and then move on. But if it's not just me. Phew! Today was the first Wednesday where my daughter was at school all day, and my son in nursery. Each week he will be going in one day to ensure he gets a spot for his free hours at Easter. Today? I felt weird. Today it dawned on me I am just a 'School Run Mum'.

When you are pregnant. You are pregnant! Everyone is happy for you. Shop assistants stop you to chat. Then you have a baby. And you are a new Mum! You get to moan about the sleepless nights and all the hard work that comes with it. And have the benefits of that gorgeous tiny baby smell. The toddler years come and along with it are rolling eyes and tales of terrible behaviour. Whilst I am still firmly in these years with my son. On a Wednesday? I'm not. I'm back to being 'me'. I now sleep well (most) nights, there is no sick down my top and really? My hair should look clean most of the time. But? I'm finding this adjustment hard.


I think I've got into cycle of being knackered. Being run ragged. I rarely sit still. When my two are around if I'm not sitting watching them draw, I am putting a baby wipe around the kitchen surface. I've got used to HUGE pants. And as you know I am all for jamas on before teatime. But now life has at last become more manageable. I however have totally forgotten how to relax. I can't really remember what I like. When was the last time I listened to an album that wasn't Disney based? My husband thinks I've lost the plot. He's encouraging me to just take a breath, pause and enjoy life.

But if I start to enjoy everything, if I'm not finding it hard, where does that leave me? Does that mean that I am just the 'School Run Mum'. That walks up, chats to her mates, goes for a hot chocolate. Uses nice shampoo and not just that of the dry variety? After nearly five years is it finally OK for me to sit down, relax and watch Real Housewives in peace and quiet? Is it allowed? Can I stop being a martyr and start being 'me'?

I am sure that this is just a strange period of adjustment. And that finally letting go a bit of my two small children has affected me more than I would like to admit. It's easy to be stuck in the never ending tiring whirlwind that is being a new Mum, rather than trying to work out who I am. Hopefully in the coming months I will become accustomed to my Wednesday's 'off' and learn to enjoy them. But for now? I am going to put the vacuum round and pop a load of washing on.

14 comments:

  1. It's not just you Em, I still find this really difficult! After school is so busy for us now though (right up until 9/10pm) that i try to take an hour or two during the day, instead of in the evening like i would have when they were little and in bed early. Definitely watch that programme and have a hot cuppa. You've earned it! :) xx

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  2. Get your feet up lady. I now have a day off too - woohoo! Let's do coffee. I haven't had it yet and I know I'll be the same walking around the house not knowing what to do first. Just off to get some nice shampoo xx

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  3. You read my mind girl as I was just thinking today-wow eldest has after school club and youngest is in nursery and I've met my deadlines and I can actually sit down and have a proper lunch break and heck even have a run. Time to rediscover who we are. I'd recommend Pharell over Disney now x

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  4. Not just you. Today was my first morning "off". 2 year old at preschool. 4 year old at school. And I did housework and chores. And wrote a long list of everything I wanted to get done in these 3 hours every week this term. Because sitting down and just reading a non work book or going to a friends for a chat feels like too much of a luxury and I can't get pass the guilt that I would feel. Not that my husband or anyone else expects me to do all these things, but because I feel I should. I don't feel I've earned it, yet!! Good luck with the adjusting.

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  5. Firstly what's this about going to nursery to get guaranteed hours... I presumed we would automatically get them at Easter?!??

    I've joined the gym to make myself have some me time. Sign of old age that

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  6. Do you keep waiting for someone to jump from somewhere and shout 'gotcha! you don't really get to have time to yourself!' I was nervously peering around corners for months... But seriously, enjoy it - you've earned it with all those sleepless nights, poop-stained clothes and full blown toddler tantrums. If you find it hard to sit still, find something you LOVE doing that is just for you. Welcome to the other side ma'am :-)

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  7. You are missing a trick here- you are the moany 'god I hate the school run, backwards and forwards backwards and forwards, wind and rain in my hair, etc etc... mum' .... Or maybe that is just me. Haha!!! xx

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  8. My son started pre-school on Monday and although it was just an hour to get him used to it, I felt SO weird! I sat in Costa with a hot chocolate (and cream, why not) and I had a muffin. Which I didn't have to share or swap!! x

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  10. It is hard adjusting to the different stages ! You are spot on. Evenings get busier as they get older so enjoy your time during the day it helps keep us sane. Love your posts! X

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  11. I'm with you. Suddenly being alone after years of always having to think about someone else, or share your biscuits (or sneak them!) or be carrying/fetching or talking to the look feels like strange - it hasn't been the norm for a while. I too now have both of mine at school and time during the day...but I'll feel guilty of I slobbed all day every day, but once in a while I think it acceptable. After all, when they come home they're running at 100mph and we have to keep up, again!

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  13. It is weird. And it can be tough to let go of the mummy guilt. But it'll be great for you not to use the dry shampoo so often. You know it makes you lose your hair???

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  14. Last week I was speaking to a friend who is expecting her first baby. I mentioned how I had gotten showered, dressed and put some token makeup on in the time it took for one episode of Potman Pat to run. She was dumbfounded. It made me realise that I would have been as well three years ago. How our life expectations change!

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