The Dream - You are gently awoke by a glint of Autumn sun through your window. You look lovingly at your other half and then the clock. It's 10am. You decide to treat your significant other to breakfast in bed whilst watching the most recent episode of New Girl.
The Reality - You are ripped from your sleep by a small child screaming something about poo. You look at your other half with pure hate. It's 5am. You decide to resentfully treat your significant other to a lie in. But if he's not up by 7am? The sh*t is going to hit the fan. Hard.
The Dream - As you were out 'up town' last night you quickly rustle up a few sausage sandwiches, two mugs of builders tea and settle in for a nice morning cuddle.
The Reality - Half a piece of toast that you stole of your sons plate whilst he watched his third episode of Peppa. It felt a bit soggy. Too much Flora? Or previously chewed on? Whatever. Tasted nicer than your luke warm sick tea.
Please sir. Can I have some of your toast?
The Dream - As it's Autumn you pull on a brand new pair of boots you brought out whilst shopping last week. They are leather and fit perfectly over your skinny jeans and breton striped t shirt. Quick curl of the hair and you're read to go!
The Reality - You've lost an Ugg. You drag out last years Matalan boots and hastily shove them over the top of your (still maternity) leggings. Your kids however look immaculate. Like they've just stepped out of a H&M catalogue. Sods.
The Dream - You are torn between a walk the country or a visit to the new Grand Central shops. To have a little bit of therapy and bubbles with the girls. You opt for shopping. May as well show those new boots off!
The Reality - You wait for your kids to put their shoes on. There is a minor tantrum when one can't get their coat done up. You are all set to go and blow some steam off at the local soft play. You've been awake for hours! You look at the clock. It's 8am. F*ck it's not open yet. Park it is!
This one always looks amazing. I look like a tramp.
The Dream - A lovely girl lunch with bubbles and a few cocktails.
The Reality - McDonalds. Standard.
The Dream - Well it could be a mixture between more shopping, the cinema or even a nap! The world is your oyster!
The Reality - Well it could be a mixture between a kids party, or another kid party, or Ikea or perhaps another kids party! You relish the joy that there may be some meatballs or cold pizza on offer at the end.
You want your guinea pigs to join the movie party? Why the hell not! #DONTPOOONTHECOUCH
The Dream - After a few texts between mates you skip dinner as you have been invited out to impromptu drinks in the local. You will grab some chips there. You get your glad rags on and rush out the door.
The Reality - Everyone is still full up on sausage rolls from this afternoons soft play party. So you decide to get out the popcorn and watch a film together. After a small row you settle on Micky's Christmas Special (it's October). You put your pyjamas on. It's 5pm. You have no intention of moving off the couch. You feel quite happy about this. Any sadness about not being in heels in a bar is squished by two children cuddling you (aka sitting on your head).
The Dream - You and your other half stumble in at 2am. You've got nothing to do tomorrow. So you fall asleep after a cracking night with people you love. Safe in the knowledge you can sleep in till noon the next day.
The Reality - You and your other half start to watch The Walking Dead in bed at 8pm. You fall asleep. Knackered after a day where you howled with laughter when your son made a joke about boobies. You were proud when your daughter reached the highest point of the soft play. You drift off safe in the knowledge that you got up at 5am today and so help me god if he doesn't tomorrow? There's going to be a passive aggressive text fight.