Thursday, 26 November 2015

I Am Mother. Hear Me Roar (Or Some Other Cheesy B*llocks)

I am sh*t scared of loads and loads of things. I hate wasps. To the point where when I see want I want to run and scream. I was always the girl that when we went on school trips that would stand by the bags whilst people when flying around on rollercoasters. I also have a huge and terrifying fear of the dentists. I lose sleep when I have to go and prior to becoming a mother any work I had to have done, no matter how small, had to take place under sedation. Yep. That's how scared I was. Bet they called me 'crazy weepy sedation lady'.

But then I had kids. And I didn't want my kids to be scared. I didn't want them to run away from bugs, or have restless nights over having their teeth checked. I wanted them to feel the joy of queuing up for roller coasters with their mates. So? I grew some balls. I decided to try and 'man up'. Or rather 'woman up'. I put my fears in a box and hid them away. I want them to always feel safe in my company. I want them to grasp life and tackle everything head on.

Ready to go on the waltzers. Trying not to vomit

And out of all of the things being a Mum has given me (cuddles, kisses, unconditional love, a taste for gin and lots of it) the strength to not be scared is the one I am most thankful for. Because you are scared for other things now aren't you? Bigger things. Scared they may get lost, or hurt. Worried for the first time their heart breaks. Things that really are terrifying. The box you put them in is so big and tightly locked you dare not to open it as you would never sleep.

The little things like wasps, dentists, roller coasters pale into comparison of that form you had to sign when you had a C Section saying you might die, that time you had to ride in an ambulance when your daughter had a fit or when you were in Boots and for a split second you couldn't see your son and you thought your head may explode in terror (he was staring longingly at the chocolate of course).

Screeching on a sleigh ride

Motherhood gives you a strength like no other, a reason to live, to challenge the teen swearing in front of your children, to have the self control to not run into the school playground and shout at a very lovely innocent four year old "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MY DAUGHTERS FRIEND" (knowing full well the next day they will be besties). So yeah motherhood makes you tired. Motherhood makes you moan but we have to admit that whilst we may look a hot mess a lot of the time. Inwardly? We totally and utterly are hardcore. And woe betide any wasp that comes near my daughters precious arm. I shall splat you. With my bare hands.

14 comments:

  1. It's so true, the dentist makes me go all hot and cold and then get an upset tummy (delightful) but last year I had a tooth REMOVED with a moment's notice because I knew that a) if I put it off I would likely never reschedule and b) because both boys were standing looking at me and I had to hold it together and be all brave!!
    I did go a bit woozy when the Toddler announced 'oh, look, there's Mama's tooth, it's covered in blood...' Little bugger!!

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    1. Oh god the dentist makes me so so so anxious. I had to have a tooth removed in BOTH pregnancies. It was horrible and they had to be really careful with the drugs. That was a proper strong moment that x

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  2. This is brilliant and so very true! I hate the dentists too....I am still that crazy weepy sedation lady but I don't let my girls see it! lol

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  3. So very true. Ive had to "woman up" too, except when my Mr is around when I try and leave that to him. He hates spiders but will happily pick them up in front of the little ones. I too have confronted swearing teens, where as my former self would have just avoided the situation, I am much more ready defend / confront / protect now I am a Mummy xx

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    1. I love confronting swearing teens! But I am a teacher so I have a dead good teacher voice x

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  4. I'm ready and raring to protect my cub from anything the world throws at me. I gave blood a few months back and my little man was with me. He got to see mummy doing a brave thing for others. I just need to be a bit braver when it comes to big, creepy spiders!

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    1. Oh god spiders! I remember my husband screaming at one once. And running off. Leaving my daughter there! Ha ha ha x

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  5. Something certainly changes when you become a mummy I too had to sign the c section form (very scary), have confronted teens, and conquered my fear of swimming pools I've always been terrified of swimming pools but when my son was a baby he used to go to baby swimming and so I went and had some adult lessons to gain enough confidence that i wouldn't be a shaking crying wreck and I now happily take my baby girl to swimming lessons.

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    1. Ah that's amazing!!! The C section "you may die" chat is so horrid isn't it? x

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  6. I read that your fears can become your children's fears. When my lad was young there was a huge spider in my sitting room, that I didn't want to kill. With all my courage, I captured him and put him outside. My son who was about four or five then went and stood on spider. So much for me brave. My son is now thirty and I still don't like spiders and still wont kill them, but i have lost my courage to try and catch one.
    Being a mother certainly brings many fears, a lot of heartache given by your children and seeing them in pain(emotionally) but also a love that's indescribable and so rewarding. I feel so blessed having two wonderful sons.

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    1. Yeah I am trying SO SO SO hard to not put my fears on my two. It's such a tough job isn't it? x

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  7. Oh I hate having to woman up but have to quite often these days. lol Motherhood definitely keeps us on our toes, challenges us at the best of times and at the worse, and boy howdy does it introduce us to drinks and spas that are much needed. lol

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    1. That made me laugh so so much! I need me a spa! x

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