Friday, 13 November 2015

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide To Asking For Help

As I type this both of my children are ill. My son has a very nasty case of conjunctivitis and my daughter has an earache. They were supposed to both be in school and nursery today. But obviously they are with their Mum whilst I run up and down the stairs administering cuddles, medicine and orange juice. My house? Looks like a bomb has hit it. The washing? There is a pile in the kitchen, my bedroom and the bathroom. The washing up? Not done. I am still in yesterday's pyjamas, my sons trousers are on backwards and my daughter is dressed in full fancy dress. Let's just say even if someone turned up at my door with one of those giant cheques? I would hide behind the couch and wouldn't answer it whilst silently weeping.

I need help. And I am going to ask for it. Which is something I never used to do. I had two c sections and both times I was up and out round the shops four days later. I work as a teacher and sometimes marking needs to take priority over polishing. Yet I found myself up at 5am trying to do it all. As Mum's we think we are super heroes and we have to devote every single second to being perfect. Around six months or so ago I felt like I was proper close to the edge of losing it so I started to ask (OK scream) for help.

#mumfail

It could just be my husband, so I am not going to make a sweeping generalisation, but he hadn't a clue. Nope. Didn't know that I was drowning under washing. Couldn't see that the school run was making me anxious and that every time I had to drag the dog in from the garden in the rain a small piece of me died. It was probably because I looked like I had my sh*t together. I didn't look like I was waking up with my heart beating fast over the worry of what was coming that day. I looked like Beyonce (I didn't but you get the picture).

And then? I lost it. I totally lost it. In a fit of screaming and anger and rage. Not so much even angry at him (the poor sod who looked horrified) but angry with myself for not being able to be the perfect wife, Mum, teacher. That's when it changed. When I decided to change. When I thought that it's OK to ask for help. It's OK to say "mmmmm I really can't do it all you know". So instead of worrying about the washing I will now, in between strapping my son down for his eye drops, leave a little note saying "please put this away". When I next go to work I might leave a load for my Mum to do whilst she's here.

At the moment the three of us are in bed. The dog is running around with a sandwich in her mouth and is wearing a Christmas jumper. My boy is fast asleep and my daughter is quietly dozing. They are poorly but content that their Mum is only a few inches away from them and that means loads more than the illusive empty washing basket*.

*If you do ever got one of these please take a photo for me. I've forgotten what it looks like.

9 comments:

  1. I'm the same I seem to think I'm wonderwoman on a one woman mission to do everything! I need to start asking for help too around house too :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You do! Just leave some tactical notes around! ;) x

      Delete
  2. You should put all your "don't beat yourself up guides" into a book. They are all so relatable and what every new parent actually needs rather than Gina Ford!!
    Hope they both feel better soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah thanks so much lovely! What a really nice thing to say xxx

      Delete
  3. I totally get where you're coming from. It is so hard and it's impossible to do it all.
    My husband still doesn't really get how hard it is to be in charge of three kids (and their hobbies and the school runs), the house and also find time to work in between, because he's never done it. He doesn't even realise how long it takes to dry the washing and put it all away. When the kids are ill, my mum will always help (without me even asking). She used to look after the kids when I worked and would make their tea twice a week, clean the bathrooms and do the washing on those days. Now I work at home I'm on my own and sometimes that can be harder as I actually work five days a week now rather than three, but I'm wholly responsible for the house.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah aren't Mums lovely. You never have to ask do you? They just get it. Which makes them and us the best! When I worked full time we had a cleaner. It was the dream! x

      Delete
  4. This is totally applicable to me at the minute!! I've got about 5 loads of washing to do, and 2 more dry ones that need folding!! I can't seem to keep on top of the dishes, even with a dishwasher! My bedroom is a mess and I need to change the bed! The bathroom could do with a clean too! But I just can't seem to keep on top of it all and or my self care (I need to lose weight, eat healthier and get more energy, from somewhere) my mojo has taken a vacation over the last few months!! I wish I had a man to take some of the pressure off and that mum and dad were closer but me and my 16 month old will get there eventually!! I hear that voice of reason but it doesn't seem to sink in!! Sending hugs and I hope your children feel better soon!! Xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh god my self care is a nightmare. I need a filling. I have needed a filling for four months but have I booked it?? No of course not!!! I shall phone tomorrow...promise! x

      Delete
    2. We put ourselves last in order to look after everyone else but in reality if we looked after ourselves first we'd have more to offer others!! Trouble is we know what we should do but actually doing it is a completely different thing!!
      I'll have to check up on you!! �� xxx

      Delete

leave me a comment! they make me happy bab...