Sunday, 29 November 2015

The Five Signs Of Repetitive Mum Syndrome

They say a sign of madness is doing the same thing over and over and over again. Expecting a different outcome. Which leads us on to the main symptom of 'Repetitive Mum Syndrome' (also knows as 'Dear God I'm turning into my motheritis'). Let me diagnose you. Do you do regularly say any of the following but expect that once they are said that the outcome will be different to the other one f*cking million times you have said it?  If so, I am afraid you have caught 'Repetitive Mom Syndrome'...

Be Nice!
Generally said to siblings. They won't be nice. They will be the polar opposite and try to kill each other on a regular basis. They will never be nice. And if they are? It will last for five minutes max. Then a glance will be given in the wrong way, or someone will call someone a "poo head" and you have to say it all over again. And again. And again. 

Be Gentle!
Said to toddlers with brand new baby brothers. Or toddlers and brand new puppies. Or toddlers holding chicks at the local farm. Or anywhere where a child can terrorise another living being. To death. They won't "be gentle". Oh sure they will when you are looking but as soon as you turn your head a guinea pig will be smashed in the face with a tiny fist or a baby sister will be squatted on and poked in the eye. 

If this guinea pig could speak? He would most certainly be telling my girl to do one

Play Nicely! 
Mainly said on playdates. In a high pitched manic voice which really means "FOR GODS SAKE JUST PLAY LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING AS YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME YOU GIT". Whilst you smile and try to work out why they are fighting over half a broken Mr Tumble phone free off a CBeebies magazine.

Hurry Up!
If you say "hurry up and put your coat on". It is never ever EVER going to happen. Your house could be alight, Elsa could be in your drive, a brand new 3D Peppa film is on at the cinema. Nothing is going to make your toddler put their coat on quickly. Bar your forcing them into it. Whilst the child screams blue murder. Unless of course you don't them require them to wear a coat. In which case they not only put it only quickly but also with accompanying wellies and gloves. In July.


The dreaded word. The most horrible of concepts. "Share!" you could say this till you are blue in the face. You could tattoo it on your face. Sharing is not going to happen. Ever. Embrace it. And just buy two of every toy your child owns. 

Unfortunately there is no cure for 'Repetitive Mum Syndrome'. I'm afraid there is only one way to get over it. Denial, lots of gin and the blind hope that things will change. They will one day. By which point you will be so beaten down you won't care any more. 


  1. Yes to all! I also say 'Quieten down' a lot! x

  2. "I don't want to hear it" is another one I say a lot in response to tale telling. And yes I smirked at hurry up because I say it at least 6 times a day and no one is hurrying anywhere!

  3. Ha ha, brilliant Em. I love that "Your house could be alight, Elsa could be in the drive" bit - so funny! Brill post and was lush to see you at Blogfest. Looking forward to Brumfest! xxx

  4. Love this. I use all of these, I also use "can we use our indoor voices please?" "please stop screeching" "don't touch that" and "no" what feels like a million times a day. They NEVER listen! X

  5. Then you'll just have some new things to say! I say 'speak clearly' a lot as teenagers just mumble and 'I don't want to hear it' because they just endlessly tell tales and they're both as guilty as each other!


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