But after five years of being a Mum? I am here to say "Don't worry!" there are activities that you can do that your kid will love and even a chimp could manage (that may be an exaggeration). You're happy. They're happy. And no-one needs to eat sh*t cakes.
Dance Like No-One Is Watching
If you turned up to a nightclub in your pyjamas, with no bra on and a non descript stain down your front? Your mental health would be questioned and you would be turned away. However. If you bung 'Let It Go' on Spotify, scream it at the top of your lungs whilst your low hanging boobs jiggle around to their hearts content? YOUR KIDS WILL THINK YOU ARE A ROCK STAR! Seriously try it. It's amazing.
Can you wear this in a nightclub? No. Which is why I don't go
Kids books can be a bit boring. Especially if you have to read them at least 110 times a day. So why not try reading them in comedy accents? I like to read them in the voice of Mavis from Coronation St in the 80's. But not actual Mavis. Les Dennis, doing Mavis from Coronation St in the 80's. It makes me howl with laughter and my daughter thinks I am totes as good as Dame Judi. If not better.
My son enjoys speaking in 'foreign' languages. "Why he is a genius!" I hear you exclaim. No he is a sausage that talks in random sounds. So I? Do it back. Really loudly and really really angrily which seems to prove that I am as funny as Mr Tumble. And a hell of a lot less creepy.
Do The Unexpected
You've had a long day at work. Or you're just knackered. Everyone is a bit p*ssed off. You have a choice you can all watch Peppa in a right old grump or? YOU COULD DON HULK HANDS AND SHOUT AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE! Or invite your daughter to the mother of all tea parties and make up some cracking pretend cocktails. Until it is time for them to go to bed and you get to drink actual cocktails. Mmmmmm. Cocktails.
If All Else Fails...Hit McDonalds
Kids like the following: nuggets, chips, ice cream, fruit shoots, crayons, balloons and free straws. You can hit Maccy Ds at ANY time during the day and get all of these things for just a few quid! Bar if you go before 10am and I don't know about you I would certainly sign a petition for nuggets before 10am. Wouldn't you?
Wear a silly hat? YOU ARE THE BEST!