Thursday, 28 January 2016

The Love

Today I have the startings of a cold. You know when your bones ache and you need to lie in a bed all day. Today I went to the Sealife centre, round The Bullring, did school drop offs and pick ups, played a game of Batman and counted endless frickin Shopkins (those things DRIVE ME MAD). So I popped upstairs to have five minutes alone whilst my two were happily playing. My head hit the pillow, I closed my eyes and counted. And as if like clockwork I hit "ten" and I heard the thunder of tiny feet run up the stairs, down the landing and jump on top of me. Followed 15 seconds by her little brother (who hit me in the head with a Barbie horse).

Rather than sitting downstairs where the coffee table was full of snacks, the TV was blaring The Spongebob Movie and there were enough brand new god damn Shopkins to fill a skip. They wanted to lie in a darkened room with me. Just me. I asked my girl why and she simply said "because I love you". And this always shocks me. The overwhelming love I feel for my kids is returned from them ten fold. I'm the centre of their world. When I'm grumpy, when I'm in my pyjamas, when I'm sick, when I'm shouting. They want to be right by my side.

Pyjamas. Children one inch from my face. Standard

They don't see the dry shampoo and OK so one of them said my legs were "spiky" when I had a bath with them last week. And the other said that sometimes my breath smells (thanks guys). But no matter what state I am in they totally and utterly love me. It's why our kids frustratingly watch us wee, or creep into our beds at 3am. It's why they scream for us when they fall over and they do the biggest smiles when they see their Mum in the audience of The Nativity.

And it can at times be overwhelming and we worry about disappointing them or letting them down. It's reason why we feel the guilt over breastfeeding, dummies, weaning, potty training. We want to get everything just right to be worthy of such love. And sometimes we can be so focused on doing everything right that we miss the love. We want everything to be just so. The right schools, the correct shoes, the best toys and the picture perfect life. Which they actually couldn't give a sh*t about.

Pyjamas. Again. Child and a guinea pig from me one inch from me. Standard

From what I can gather from friends this love lasts a lifetime but the expression of this love doesn't. It's short lived. There will come a day when no-one will care that I'm bed with a stinking cold. The only issue with going to the bathroom is that it will be full of spotty teens and the only bed they will be creeping into at 3am? Will be their own, and they will be p*ssed. So? Whilst sometimes, OK a lot of the time, I want to scream "I JUST NEED FIVE MINUTES FOR GODS SAKE". The other times I am going to try and embrace this all encompassing love before I have to count on my husband for it. OK you're right. I'll have to get a puppy.

8 comments:

  1. I'm at the 'no one gives a shit' stage, or at least they don't show it. But I think this is a lesson for us all - kids don't actually care about the picture perfect lifestyle that we want so badly for them. They just want us. Smelly breath and all ;)

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    1. Ahhh I am sad that stage will come but I know it will! x

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  2. This post made me smile a lot :-) I'll never understand why my little miss wants to get in my 'nook' (under my arm snuggled in next to me) three seconds after I've just screamed at her and put her in the naughty corner. But she does... and it's always the perfect remedy for the guilt I feel for screaming and putting her in the naughty corner.
    xXx

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  3. Love this! It's so true, they follow us everywhere just because you are their world. It's tough this mum job, but it's moments like that when you forget the tough bits and squeeze them in for another cuddle. X

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  4. Aw, so sweet! I'm lucky that my daughter, who is nearly 10, still loves affection. She won't say 'I love you', but she shows me that she does. My 14yo son just grunts though!

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    1. Oh I hope my girl is lovely like that! I think my boy will. He is a cuddle monster!

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