Generally I am happy with the way I look. I have marvellous hair and quite good skin. I have a cracking set of knockers and my teeth are straight. Generally I am happy. But then sometimes? I am not happy. Sometimes I sigh when roaming around Top Shop looking at body con dresses that would fit one thigh or if I go to a bar (twice a year) catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I think "blimey who's she?". Each day I think it will be the day I crack going on a diet but then a cold waffle is shoved in front of my face and then quickly popped into my mouth.
Mmmm why aren't I thin?
This morning my daughter asked me if her smoothie "had a lot of sugar in it?" and "was it diet?". She is five. I queried where she heard that and why was she worried and she said that it was something that I say a lot. And it is. She often comes into fitting rooms with me when I am shopping and rather than embracing that next size up she watches me struggle and sweat trying to get into the size below. And this has to stop. I am doing a great job of feeding my daughter healthy meals and encouraging her to run around and get exercise but I'm not doing so great at showing her how to have body confidence.
How to be truly happy no matter how you look. How to walk into a shop and pick up something that fits. That suits. That highlights the best bits. How there are other things that make you beautiful like being smart, or being funny (I can do funny), or kind, or happy. I know I need to lose a bit of weight and I hope that now the kids are growing up I will be able to find time to swim (urgh) or make sure the waffle goes in the dog not down my gob. 'Weight issues' is just something I have accepted is just part of me and more than likely will be an eternal struggle.
ALL OF THE FILTERS ON THIS!
But when my kids look at me, yeah they giggle at my belly as it is "squishy" however they don't think my bum is too big. They think my hair is like Rapunzel's and they love it most when I am laughing. So from now on I will avoid the body con section in Top Shop and when I am out in a bar I will pull my top that little bit lower to show off my 36EEs. And that's the last time I sweat profusely trying to get my gut into size 14. Life is too short.