Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Nine Ways To Survive The Death Of A Small Pet

1) "Morning!" you chirpily shout to the guinea pigs. The kids are playing upstairs happily (a rare occurrence), the radio is on, Elsa looks so adorable sleeping like that. All is well with the world.

2) WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK! ELSA IS NOT ASLEEP SHE IS DEAD. SHE DIED. FOR NO REASON. SHE IS DEAD. THE OTHER ONE IS JUST LOOKING AT HER DEAD SISTER. THIS IS LIKE A HORROR FILM. F*CK F*CK WHAT DO I DO????

3) (Manic voice) "Just popping outside to the garden kids. Yeah I know it's raining but Mummy has to get the mmmm rubbish. Be back in a bit!".

4) Dials husband. Makes guttural noises only heard last in labour. Keeps repeating "what do I do?" "WHAT DO I DO". Husband realises for his own sanity he needs to return home immediately.


5) You wipe your tears and return. "Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t" you think "Do I lie and potentially scar her forever when she finds out the truth? Do I fess up and potentially scar her forever as her first pet has died? Shall I just run away? WHAT DO I DO?!".

6) You find your daughter. She is of course dressed in full Disney Princess outfit looking like the sweetest child alive and you have to break the news that "Elsa died". You hold your breath. You wait. And then? The tears come (both of you).

7) Your husband goes straight into the back garden and starts to make a grave. Your son is singing "ELSA IS DEAD" at the top of his voice. You find a shoe box and make a coffin. You internally high five your creative talent at such an early hour but restrain yourself from taking an instagram of it.


8) The coffin has been decorated with hearts and flowers. Nobody seems to notice the Nike signs all over it as well. Your son now has a bit of a dance to accompany the singing. The crying has stopped. There is lots of talk about heaven. You decide not to break the news now about your own beliefs. Instead you talk loads about clouds, angels and fairies (?!).

9) Elsa is buried. You all get ready for school. Anna looks suspiciously happy and you wonder if she had some doing in this. All in all everyone coped with it quite well. You look at the dog and telepathically tell her to die on someone elses watch. Shudder.

12 comments:

  1. Haha! Was having a bit of a crap day and then read this post and it made me laugh ... that's probably wrong though given your circumstances ;) so sorry for the loss of Elsa. But thank you for making a fab post about it. Hope your daughter is okay xx

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  2. I shouldn't be laughing at the death of Elsa but I am.
    I'm so sorry....I hope your girl is OK x

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    1. Ha ha! Ah she was actually fine with it! x

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  3. Oh wow this has happened to us a few times, as you can imagine. In my experience? The sadness lasts around 30 seconds and then everyone seems rather excited by all the shenanigans. Poor Elsa. She didn't last long did she? Reckon you got a duff one there!

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    1. Five blinking months! What a load of crap! x

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  4. Oh poor Elsa :( I think you dealt with it pretty well! x

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  5. Oh my goodness! So sorry to read this. I'm glad your daughter took it OK. I would have been in bits. My daughter cries when our guinea pig has mites or she sees them fighting. The reason I chose guinea pigs was because they're supposed to last nearly 6 years. My son didn't want pets because the thought of them dying upset him so much.

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    1. I know I can't believe that she went so quickly! x

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  6. Oh, your boy. He is a fabulous little soul, I can picture him singing there! You know I'm sorry for your loss and I know I'd be so sad. Glad the kids have got through it, sounds perfectly handled xx

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