You open the curtains at 6am (or earlier, the sods). And take a look around. It's pouring! However? You think "It will brighten up later! It will be great! Maybe we could play in the garden? Or go to the park! Make some amazing family memories!". And if you have planned a day out to a theme park that has already cost approx one bazillion pounds? There is no way you need to pack your waterproofs. No siree, you don't need them one bit...
WHERE THE F*CK ARE THE WATERPROOFS? WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF HAVING A F*CKING HOLIDAY IF IT JUST P*SSES IT DOWN ALL THE TIME? I CANNOT STAY IN THIS HOUSE FOR ANOTHER SECOND WITH THESE TWO LUNATICS. THAT'S IT WE ARE MOVING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY.
OH FOR GODS SAKE!
If you are due to go to the theme park, you go and spend a miserable day in a plastic bag poncho. Which is preferable to staying inside for twelve hours with two small children. You bargain with them in the form of the following: Netflix, fruit shoots, CBeebies, driving for a Happy Meal, chocolate, wotsits, art/messy play (vomit, only for the VERY bored), playing dens, tea parties...you look at the clock. It's 1pm. ONLY SIX HOURS TO GO! Doom.
After looking at your IPhone weather app. For the hundredth time. It dawns on you that the rain is going to last a few good days. You weep internally. You remember your spring holidays hanging around the streets (the days when you could without being stolen), knocking about with your mates, like an instagram memory in a faded sierra. You call your Mother up to moan. She points out you are insane and that many an Easter holiday was spent sat moping in a caravan in Yarmouth whilst it p*ssed it down.
The only thing that is going to get me through this sh*t
It's raining. There is rain. The rain is not going to change. It's not so bad. Look at the positives: non of you have to get dressed, you can remain braless all day, a movie afternoon is pretty much called for along with the complimentary popcorn. So there may be chance to sleep with your eyes open. And it's not like it's going to rain allllll Easter is it? That would just be plain cruel!*