To my beautiful girl
I have just returned from parents evening in your first year of school. I was proud to hear that you are kind and caring. That you are confident and helpful. That you are doing well in phonics and you enjoy telling the teacher what we get up to at the weekends. I am so pleased that you have embraced school and that you throw yourself head first into everything that happens there. It's amazing.
It's amazing that you once were part of me. That you came out (bum first) and for the next few years, in a blur, you learnt to smile, eat, crawl, walk and now you can read and write and survive full days without me right by your side. Sometimes I wonder if you miss me when I'm not around? If you ever think of me whilst you are eating second helpings of pudding or running around doing PE.
I think of you often. If we are out and I see a treat you would like you pop into my head with your beaming smile. When I come back from the school run and put your dolly's away your room still smells of you. That warm sleepy gorgeous smell that reminds me of when you were a baby. I relish Saturday mornings with you. And whilst I moan about the ridiculously early wake up call, I love feeling you close and warm next to me. I am becoming increasingly aware that this will not last forever.
You're growing up. Whilst you are still by my side your eyes are on the future. Today you happily informed me your "boobies were growing" and you have asked me before if you look like a teenager. You talk of boyfriends and can't wait for playdates at other peoples houses to start. I want time to stop. Freeze. I dread the day when you know longer want to dress as Elsa for parties and refuse to dance with me when I pretend to be cool.
Sometimes when I think about you and your brother growing up my heart starts to thump and tears well up in my eyes. What will happen to me? Who am I if I'm not running around after small people? You can't imagine a day without changing a nappy and then all too quickly it comes. I am painfully aware that there will be a time with no tiny hands in mine and when I go upstairs for five minutes rest, no-one will jump on me screaming.
But for now you are still only five. You write me love letters and you have grand plans of us wearing matching outfits when we visit Disney Land next year. You think I have the best voice and when I play a game where I pretend I am Super Girl running down the street you scream with laughter. I've still got a short while left and I plan to make it as silly and as cuddly as possible. And when I groan at another 6am wake up call I will try to remember this letter and how it will soon be my turn to drag you out of bed.
Love You Forever Mummy xxx