Wednesday, 4 May 2016

The Mother's Alternative Guide To Summer Body Maintenance

Sandal Ready Feet
To get your feet ready for summer you could spend the weeks leading up to it moisturising them. Ensuring every crusty nook and cranny is smoothed to within an inch of it's life. That you pluck each and every hairy toe. And you spend your time painting your nails a bright coral which will look perfect when you sink them deep in sand and instagram it for the world to see...

...Or? You could just wear converse, let your toe hair run riot and when your husband jokes you have "hobbit feet". You giggle. Not picking up on the vital hint he is dropping.

Smooth, Sexy And Toned Legs
Now is the time to shave your legs. Maybe consider some self tan. You could get on the treadmill or do that thing where people jog with their buggies around the park. Tinted moisturiser would make them look shiny and sleek. They would be the talk of the school run...

...Or? You could just wear leggings. If they are cropped? Just shave the bit above the converse (see Sandal Ready Feet) or invest in ankle length leggings and ankle high shoes. If jeggings are your choice of bottom? And you enjoy wearing ripped ones to be down with da kidz? Ensure knees are shaved. There is no excuse for that.

Look if I shaved my toes and painted my nails course I'm going to intsagram it!

Bikini Line Care
As people are thinking about going to sunnier climes it's time to take control of your bikini line. Perhaps treat yourself to a wax done by a professional at a spa. Thus ensuring you are hair free and ready to hit the beach once the summer holidays arrive...

...Or? Totally leave it. The nearest you are getting to the beach is the one at Minehead Butlins. You have no intention of removing your leggings and if you do hit the indoor splash pool? You will be in a tankini that covers up every lump, bump and hair.

Tanned And Toned Arms
Whilst you apply self tan to your toned legs you could also slather some on your arms. Try some weights at the gym or maybe exercise using your kids as props like American people do on YouTube. It's fun, free and your children will love it...

...Or? Pop to Primark buy one black and one white cardy and wear them at all times throughout the duration of the summer. If you are feeling particularly jazzy? Chuck a coral one in the basket too.

You dafty! You could have just put leggings on!

Amazing Armpits
Keep on top of your underarm hair with regular maintenence. You may choose to shave daily or might again consider getting them sorted by a professional...

...Or? Who gives a sh*t about your armpits when you are wearing a coral cardy 24/7?

Summer Make Up
Summer make up is about dewy skin, light waterproof mascaras and highlighter. Maybe experiment with some pale pink eyeshadows and a bright lip if you are popping out for a drink in the evening.

...Or? Summer is the time to totally not bother with make up as you get to legally wear sunglasses at all times and no one can see what a hot mess you are. You even wear them when you meet your Mum friends in the local coffee house. You may get some funny looks. But you can't see. As you've got sunglasses on.

Behold the messy bun. The hair of Gods!

Highlighted Hair
You could add some highlights to your hair to give the impression of a sun kissed look. Get it trimmed and give it a wave before you hit the beach so it looks like you've taken a dip in the clear blue sea.

...Or? Wear a hat, wear dry shampoo, or embrace the savour of all Mother's hair dos? The messy bun. Keep it propped up with your sunglasses, shove on your coral cardy, mint converse and you my friend? Are ready to go.

3 comments:

  1. Love it! That is summer sorted! I haven't worn swimwear on a beach in last 15 years, so there really is no need for all that bikini line maintenance faffing. I was forced to shave my legs though due to the need to wear shorts for running. Can't believe I'm going to have to spend the next few months shaving them. Grrr

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    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha! I know! It's such a pain to keep on top of it all!!! x

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  2. Fabulous. Cheered me right up. 😀

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