Monday, 6 June 2016

15 Ways In Which Toddlers Try To DESTROY Holidays

1. Their first food group will be...cake.

Smug

2. Their holiday weapon of choice will be a water pistol. They will not care if you are related to them or not and you spend your whole holiday apologising to soaked strangers.

WHAT YOU LOOKIN AT MOFO?

3. They will lose their tiny minds at the mini-disco and if they are not running around skidding on their knees? They are hysterically crying about you not giving them (another) lolly.

Did somebody say mini-disco???

4. If they see you rest at any point they will try and kill you.

You're mine biatch

5. Their second food group will be...Fanta Limon.

Give me Limon or I shall wee in my pants. Again

6. Common rules that apply at home such as "wee goes in a toilet" do not apply on holiday and you find yourself hastily washing tiny pants in a sink. Bedtime is something just to scoff at. Yet mornings? Still EARLY AS F*CK.

7. Whilst you spend hours trying to get them to nap at home? They enjoy randomly sleeping at inappropriate times. And woe betide the Mum that wakes them up (even if it is at 5:45pm).

I do not care that strictly speaking it is only an hour or so away from my bedtime

8. Sun tan lotion is despised.

9. Sand is despised.

10. The pool is too cold.

11. The floor is too hot.

Try and wipe my face and I will SCREAM LIKE YOU ARE KILLING ME

12. Their third food group will be...ice cream.

I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO THE ZOO WHERE IS MY FANTA LIMON?

13. Family day trips are met with anger and not the glee you foolishly expected.

I like to lick my legs. So what?

14. You see them act in ways you have never seen occur before. Except on Super Nanny. You know the ones where you judge their parenting skills. Except this time? You're the parent.

15. Fuelled by cake, Fanta and ice cream. They have the time of their lives. They run, scream, shout and eat their body weight in mentos. They will not remember the tantrums, fighting or the bit where Mum went "OH FOR GODS SAKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM". But unfortunately they will remember the whole of a Spanish dance routine, which they sing on repeat for the three weeks following your trip.

Yep. Doing a peace sign. Like a Gangsta

11 comments:

  1. hahaha! This made me laugh out loud! Your boy looks like he had a blast! I hope the rest of you had a fab time too x

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    1. Ah we had such a good time thanks! x

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  2. I bet that all made for an awesome holiday! Hope you managed some time to relax x

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    1. We did. (When they were in kids club of course!) x

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  3. My toddlers one and only food group was chocolate icecream and nothing else! Loved your post hope you had a fab time 😊 Xx

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    1. Ah we had such a good time and one week later I am still sad we aren't there! x

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  4. lol, this makes me laugh no matter how many times. You are entirely right, "they will try and kill you" whenever they see you rest. lol, pure joy. Hope you had a fab time.

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    1. They will ALWAYS try and kill you! We had such a lovely time. I am so so so sad to be back :( x

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  5. Hahah this made me laugh so much! So true all of it lol x

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  6. Ha ha, brilliant! I'm getting a feel for the holiday! Glad you all had fun xx

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