Sunday, 26 June 2016

The Ridiculous Unpredictability Of Parenting

When I was in my twenties I craved excitement and change. After work I would love someone to shout "WHO IS UP FOR DRINKS!" and my days at Uni were spent making spur of the moment decisions like ditching lectures and getting a tattoo in a Chinese symbol like Mel C (not one of my finer moments). The thought of waking up, going to work, watching TV, then going to bed would have bored me half to death. Now? I CRAVE for a day where everything goes to plan. Where everything is hunky dory and I drop off to sleep thinking "well that was a relatively uneventful day!".

Today was a Sunday. Sunday's are for boring tasks and relaxing. And that was the plan. But when you're a parent? Things never go to plan. We had a trip to the walk in clinic with suspected hand, foot and mouth (it was just a odd viral mouth scabby thing), a punctured tyre and two children who wanted with every bone in their body to ride bikes round the park. But ended up doing it for three minutes before moaning and screaming. And this is a constant.

Do you remember that time we planned to feed reindeers in JUNE AND IT TIPPED IT DOWN?

I've had nights out cancelled due to chicken pox. Perfectly normal days being ruined at bedtime with a bad case of nits. Once you crack one routine the clocks will change or fireworks will randomly go off and screw it all up. Again. You can settle down to watch Love Island and say to yourself "oh what a lovely day" and someone will vomit over their whole bedroom. Three times. After each bed change. You feel like you are living in your own farce of a sitcom where sometimes you have to laugh or you would cry.

And I know I'm not alone (which always help) when I see Facebook status's that say "Can't wait for Disneyland Paris tomorrow!" followed by the next morning "FML the kids have all got gastroenteritis   what will Minnie think!". We've all been there when a friend has had to cancel due to the most ridiculous of reasons. I booked a nail appointment before our recent holiday. First time in five years. I went to leave for it? My daughters school phoned up and said I had collect her immediately as she had earache. Which of course had vanished within 24 hours.

Do you remember that time you ending up having to take 
a guinea pig on the school run due to ridiculous reasons?

After a while you learn to roll with the punches. If there is a big event coming up I walk in tentatively  to their bedrooms on the morning looking for spots, sh*ts, snot or nits. And do a small fist punch when they have the all clear. But that will definitely be the day the car breakdown or the boiler explodes out of protest of things going a little too smoothly. And yeah I will miss these days when the kids are older and life is a little more settled blah blah blah. But just one week, screw that, just one day I would like to go to bed and think "well that was a bit dull wasn't it?".


  1. Never a dull moment is right! I only have one, a 14 month old, but he really keeps me on my toes. I, too, laugh/cry along with the all-too-real Facebook statuses. Thanks for the laugh <3

  2. So feel your pain! The constant illness may have subsided now, but my kids do regularly throw a spanner in the work in other ways - usually injuries. Less than 2 hours before my booked train to BML I was waiting for an X-ray for my son in the minor injuries unit in a another town, with my case thoroughly unpacked!

  3. You are so right, things running smoothly are not dull now, they are the dream! And did you really take a guinea pig on a school run?? x


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