Blogs are there to chart the highs like birthday parties or first days at schools. They are also there to chart the funny bits like tantrums and the horrific process of your child having nits. But sometimes? They are there to record the lows. The rubbish bits. The bits that you may not want to remember or have a reminder of but as with everything? I think it is aways good to have a low to remind you of the beauty of the utter highs. At this moment? I am on a low.
I'm struggling a little bit. It's nothing to do with my kiddos, my husband is still loyal and putting up with me shouting about the washing machine and bar being a bit chubby. My health is fine. It is something else and it is making me want to lie down in a bed and have a small sleep. Only getting up to eat chocolate and go for a wee. I have sleepless nights, far too early mornings and a bit of a nervous feeling in my belly. I want to stop. But when you have small children? You can't stop can you. You have to carry on and for that? I am forever grateful.
Usually I would write a post moaning about how the never ending business of being a parent makes me never ending tired. But this busy hectic life is a blessing as it can help to put your daft troubles into perspective. My day can have been rubbish and my heart can be ever so heavy but as soon as I hold one of those beautiful children in my arms? I exhale and can feel the problems melt away for the time being. It's a magical power that your babies possess. The power to one second drive you bonkers but in the very next heartbeat? To put everything into perspective and make everything else seem quite inconsequential.
I was particularly sad this morning but my son came into the bedroom and for the first time ever? He had got himself dressed. He had picked a smart new Batman T shirt and his new pumps. He had got trousers on that were too big and socks that I think may have been for one year olds. But the look on his face? Was amazing. His big toothy grin. Which made me stop and not say "but your beautiful new clothes will get ruined at nursery and your too small socks may stop the blood circulation in your feet". It made me happy that whenever I am blue they will still be there to pick me up.
This sad silly funk I am in will pass. And the summer holidays will arrive and hopefully everything will return to normal. I will be using baby wipes to clean the coffee table and my children will be running circles around me whilst I hide in the kitchen eating a Crunchie. But for now? Their total and utter insanity is my total and utter lifesaver and I can't wait to smoother them in kisses when they get back from school. Even though they wipe it off, scream "URGH" and immediately beg me for crisps. They are the best. Fact.