Wednesday, 13 July 2016

At Least When I'm Blue. I Will Always Have You

Blogs are there to chart the highs like birthday parties or first days at schools. They are also there to chart the funny bits like tantrums and the horrific process of your child having nits. But sometimes? They are there to record the lows. The rubbish bits. The bits that you may not want to remember or have a reminder of but as with everything? I think it is aways good to have a low to remind you of the beauty of the utter highs. At this moment? I am on a low.

I'm struggling a little bit. It's nothing to do with my kiddos, my husband is still loyal and putting up with me shouting about the washing machine and bar being a bit chubby. My health is fine. It is something else and it is making me want to lie down in a bed and have a small sleep. Only getting up to eat chocolate and go for a wee. I have sleepless nights, far too early mornings and a bit of a nervous feeling in my belly. I want to stop. But when you have small children? You can't stop can you. You have to carry on and for that? I am forever grateful.


Usually I would write a post moaning about how the never ending business of being a parent makes me never ending tired. But this busy hectic life is a blessing as it can help to put your daft troubles into perspective. My day can have been rubbish and my heart can be ever so heavy but as soon as I hold one of those beautiful children in my arms? I exhale and can feel the problems melt away for the time being. It's a magical power that your babies possess. The power to one second drive you bonkers but in the very next heartbeat? To put everything into perspective and make everything else seem quite inconsequential.

I was particularly sad this morning but my son came into the bedroom and for the first time ever? He had got himself dressed. He had picked a smart new Batman T shirt and his new pumps. He had got trousers on that were too big and socks that I think may have been for one year olds. But the look on his face? Was amazing. His big toothy grin. Which made me stop and not say "but your beautiful new clothes will get ruined at nursery and your too small socks may stop the blood circulation in your feet". It made me happy that whenever I am blue they will still be there to pick me up.


This sad silly funk I am in will pass. And the summer holidays will arrive and hopefully everything will return to normal. I will be using baby wipes to clean the coffee table and my children will be running circles around me whilst I hide in the kitchen eating a Crunchie. But for now? Their total and utter insanity is my total and utter lifesaver and I can't wait to smoother them in kisses when they get back from school. Even though they wipe it off, scream "URGH" and immediately beg me for crisps. They are the best. Fact.

10 comments:

  1. Roll on the summer holidays. Hope this passes lovely x

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  2. Aww! Bless you! I hope this feeling passes soon! Sending big hugs!

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  3. Yes! Totally get this! I'm feeling a bit the same as you at the minute and keeping on going for the kids and the end of term is exhausting, but it's all OK when they come home and normal family madness resumes! (see, I love it really) ;) Take care xx

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  4. Hope you feel better soon lovely. I know life is a bit crap sometimes but you're right, the little mobsters make it OK, even when it's not. Look after yourself xxxx

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  5. I know this feeling you are not on your own. It is amazing that we still manage to go to work & get everyone where they are supposed to be - but sometimes we just want to get into bed and stay there. Kids are amazing, it's the end of term and everyone is exhausted but take care of yourself ok Babs? Maybe a few hours out with the girls having a natter might help Dee x

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  6. Hope the funk moves on soon. One more week to go and life will slow down a bit. Be kind to yourself. xx

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  7. Thank you Emma. I had a bump in my car yesterday and snuggles with my little ones is what is keeping me going. Hoe you're feeling ok soon x

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  8. Thank you Emma. I had a bump in my car yesterday and snuggles with my little ones is what is keeping me going. Hoe you're feeling ok soon x

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  9. Hope you're feeling better soon. So many people seem to be struggling lately - at least if we all talk about it you don't feel so alone. If we could get some sunshine it might help a little bit. xxx

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  10. I needed to read this. I have been feeling I am so negative toward my 4 year old and I sweat the little things too much. It's hard many days sometimes as we suspect he has autism and sensory processing issues so sometimes things are very stressful and I shout way too much because I don't know how to help him. I need to remember those things, like when he shut himself in his bedroom on Monday morning then jumped out yelling "surprise!" because he'd got dressed himself and I smiled, hugged him and was so proud of him, as I always am but maybe don't show often enough. Sometimes I question whether I am good enough to be his mum, would he be happier with someone who didn't shout as much. I carry a lot of guilt but my god do I love the pants off him and my daughter.

    Sorry, I rambled a bit but needed to write

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