Motherhood gives you a lot of things. Like suffering from exhaustion, never ending guilt and the ability to have your heart broken in ways you couldn't think possible. But it also gives you amazing things like the ability to truly understand the meaning of of unconditional love and something that I am forever grateful for. The glorious and magical power of not giving a sh*t. You whole world tilts. Your whole mindset changes and the priorities that once were, are no longer there with such force. You get perspective and it's wonderful.
I went out last night. Like out out. It's a rare treat but it's also the time where I feel the force of not giving a sh*t the most. There is nothing more amusing, more care free and more fun than a mother let loose for the evening. What once was a twice weekly occurrence becomes an experience only to be tasted every few months. Or even in my case only once or twice a year. You end up trying to fit in 52 nights out in one night. Every single second you are looking for your next bit of fun and it's glorious.
You hear music. But like really hear it. Especially if it's from the 90's and you need to dance immediately. You scream the lyrics. You cling to your friends and you do a dance routine that even in your tipsy state you know looks utterly ridiculous but you of course don't give a sh*t. Shoes are kicked off. Someone pretends they know the whole of the Beyonce dance routine whilst somebody else topples to the ground whilst laughing. I wonder if it's the because at some point you have pushed, or in my case have had pulled, tiny humans out of your body that you reach the point when know you have lost all dignity.
I remember thinking when I had my first (who transpired very late in the day to be breech) and I was having numerous sweeps and hands up my bits from a variety of nurses and doctors, that I wouldn't have cared if my boss had come in and shoved her hand up me as long as someone got this baby out asap. And then you know? Your shame factor has totally gone. You hold this tiny life force and you realise that things that once filled your mind now pale in comparison to your new priorities.
And you can at times forget that you have this new power. But it's there. It's there when you are squeezing yourself up a soft play and your arse pops out of your jeans and everyone can see but you don't care as your toddler is needing your help. It's there when you wail at school shows and have snot dripping down your face. And alas it is also there when you are a bit drunk and offer to show your c section scar to work colleagues. We are fortunate to be in this stage of life where we don't really care. We don't sweat the small stuff. We dance like no-one is watching but secretly hopes everyone is. If I could bottle the magical power of not giving a sh*t and sell it to the youth of today? They would have a whole lot more fun and I would be a millionaire.