Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Watch Out Killer Clowns. For Killer Mums

Once again the news is full of the most bizarre stories. This time about people who wear terrifying clown masks, hide and jump out at people to scare them. Maybe in a McDonalds, or one was driving around the streets in a mobility scooter. The first thought I had was "what f*cking maniacs" the second was "I swear to God if anyone jumps out at me and the children in a clown mask? I would punch them in the goolies. Hard". I am not a violent person. In fact I would rather the world sorted out all their problems over a nice cup of tea and a piece of cake. But when it comes to my children? I get VERY Peggy Mitchell.

You know. The kind of Mum that would pick someone up by the scruff of the neck and chuck them out of a pub for breaking their babies heart. It's not big and it's not clever but it's almost animalistic. It's an inner rage that is locked away so tightly but woe betide the person that hurts either of my kids. 99.9% of the time it is well hidden but it only takes a swift bonk on the head in a soft play for me to go "OI NO!" very loudly. And then I am shocked by the loudness of my voice, go all red and hide behind my cup of tea.

You better run as I'm going to kick you in the balls.

You hear that there is nothing stronger than a Mother's love. Tales of super human strength and you think "what a load of old b*llocks". But I remember a specific event when I was heavily pregnant and inadvertently got stuck in the middle of a fight in the school I taught at. My urge to protect my unborn child was like something out of a film. I remember actually picking up a 6ft Year 11 pupil to move him out of the way. On a normal day I would struggle to pick up a quite large pumpkin. I felt like I was one of the X-Men. A super hero Mum with the power of "KEEP AWAY FROM MY CHILD" strength.

There are other feelings that being a Mother has bought out in me that aren't so great. I want them to be treated fairly at all times. Sometimes I have to fight my inner urge not to be competitive and scream "GO ON MY GIRL" at Sports Day. I want the best for my two and there is nothing that will stand in my way to achieve it. I now totally get why Kris Kardashian is such a momager. She quite rightly wants her kids to do the best they can. And OK so she does it in a rather strange 'selling their sex tapes and doing nude photo shoots' way. But each to their own.

So this is a message to Killer Clowns. Yeah it might seem funny to scare people. And you may get your sh*ts and giggles from upsetting teenagers and elderly ladies. But you need to watch out. Because when you see a nice mild Mum with her two small children happily walking down the street. And you think "what an easy target this is going to be a piece of p*ss". Be wary as the inner strength of that woman can send you flying through the air with one bonk of a baby bag to your head and a swift kick of a Mum boot in your balls. Don't say we didn't warn you.


  1. You are so right. Those idiots dressing as clowns are going to get such a shock when they upset someones child. I am dying to see one just so I can go off it with them. lol

  2. Ha ha. what a bunch of nobs they are. It amazing where our strength comes from when danger is present. X

  3. Dean was literally saying last night that it's all funny to them until this very thing happens. They are such idiots and it's such a crazy stupid thing. I was literally just reading that a woman went into premature labour because of one :(

  4. Agreed!!!
    I think there will be a backlash against them very soon and the 'clowns' are going to regret their perceived hilarity.
    Try it with me mate and I'll break your face!

  5. I must have been living under a rock as I only heard about this today, I totally agree with you and would do exactly the same if it happened to us, mama bears are fiercely protective of their cubs killer clowns or not.

  6. Amen to that! My eldest says he saw one in the local park, so there's no walking to Scouts in the dark any more. Hubby says if he sees one he's going to 'accidentally' run him over. And he's not a violent person either. I hope they all sod off soon because they're scaring my daughter (and she doesn't even know her brother saw one!).


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