Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Dear Adele...

Dear Adele

Firstly may I start off by saying you are beautiful, your voice is amazing and sometimes I get a bit cross that my eyeliner game will NEVER be as strong as yours. But this week you did something that was better than all of those things combined (yes, even the eyeliner). You were honest. You expressed something that millions of women around the world feel each and every day. That whilst motherhood is amazing (and obviously I have to do the disclaimer that we always do: "I love my kids, I really do"). Some parts of it? Are f*cking hard.

You talked about your PND. Describing that you were guilty when you worked, you felt inadequate and you wondered sometimes if you had made the wrong decision having a baby. But the magical part of your article was that when you told a friend you "f*ckin hate this" she replied that she "f*ckin hated it too". And that then? Something was lifted. Often it can feel that the guilt we are experiencing, or the loneliness, or exhaustion means that we are not doing it right. That we are failing at the one job we are born to do. But if you, Adele of the marvellous voice and killer eyeliner, feels the same as us? Then maybe, just maybe we are all feeling the same.


Next time I am leaving my two to go to work and one of them is ill, or one of them is screaming "BUT I WAAAANNNNTTTT YOUUU MUMMMMY" I will think of you Adele and know if you are getting the guilt it is quite alright for me to feel the same. You take an afternoon to yourself each week and this is one of the hardest things for us Mum's to do. But it's OK to do it. It's OK to go to Starbucks with a friend or even take a whizz around Asda on our own. It doesn't mean we don't love our kids it means we want to be the best Mum that we can be. And if that means we just want to swim 25 lengths or hide in a room and watch Made In Chelsea for an hour that that's what we need to do.

We all need to talk a bit more about it. Imagine at the end of every baby club there was a bit where everyone could just say what they really felt. Not how weaning was going, or whose baby slept through the night first. What was really on our minds. Might be "I feel like I want to smash my husband in the face when he doesn't get up in the night" or "sometimes I'm so tired I hide in my room and cry for ten minutes". No instead we sit in a circle and sing the wheels on the bus whilst the babies (who really don't give a sh*t) just lie there and we die a little bit inside.


So Adele what might have been a simple interview and a few off the cuff comments you really will help loads of new Mums today. Ones that haven't found someone to go "I f*ckin hate this" too quite yet. And maybe you will start a trend? Maybe the Kardashians will instagram themselves with baby sick lodged firmly in their beautiful locks. Or perhaps Holly Willoughby will be spotted in Asda trying to prize one of her children off the floor in the magazine aisle. Who knows? But Adele today you are my hero. Even if your eyeliner is better than mine.

Lots of love someone who f*ckin hates it too sometimes

Em x

4 comments:

  1. I loved this, the pressure of being a mum/parent is so difficult, my children are grow up now but I found myself as a single mum with a new born and a 5 year old, well I didn't find myself as one, I had an absolute f**kwit of an ex who is what can only be described as the most vile person in existence, if he does exist that is, wouldn't have a clue. Anyhoo, when I look back I wished when I was asked "how are you?" I'd said "bloody awful" and when I was praised for being so wonderful flying solo with 2 small children I wish I'd said that I wasn't brilliant or admirable, I was tired and emotional and felt like crap and yes I F**kin hated it too, I praise Adele for speaking out, we all need to speak out and be honest more, not just with parenting but everything, maybe we should start an "honest answers" club ha ha, sorry for the waffle, loved this as always it was a fabulous read xxx

    Zoe ♥ MammafulZo

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  2. Yep - it can be bloody tough. I hadn't seen the Adele article so read this with real interest. I love your honesty too. It's definitely okay to hold our hands up and say it's been a crappy day. Like we all preface these statements with.... that's not to say that we don't love our kids, it's just to be honest and say life isn't always a bed of roses. Another great post. xx

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  3. Love this! That's proper honesty from Adele and it's great that it's had lots of media coverage. It's not even about PND, which I think gets better coverage than it used to, it's just about the frustration and boredom that nearly all mums feel, but feel they can't admit to for fear of people of judging.

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  4. I haven't read the Adele article, but I have just read this and all I can say is THANK FUCK. I keep thinking I'm the only one who thinks like this and I should feel guilty about it. Take today; I have taken my daughter to see a Peppa pig theatre show, then for cake afterwards as a birthday treat. In my mind I was thinking it would be full of cuddles and motherly daughter bonding, whilst taking arty filtered photos that I could pit on Facebook so it seems life is hunky dory. In reality, my daughter was an absolute shit, had the mother of all tantrums in tesco on the way back to the car and we both ended up crying all the way home. And I just thought, fuck this shit. Why didn't anyone tell me parenting was going to be this way? Or if they did, why on earth didn't I believe them? Hard work in an understatement. Anyhoo. This tired mother who fucking hates this ALOT thanks your honesty. Maybe I will go to bed not feeling like a complete failure tonight.

    And Adele truly does have fantastic eye liner, I second you on that one too.

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