Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Overwhelmed

If you met me you would say I am a rather chipper person. In fact I am often referred to as "bubbly". I LOVE a filthy joke and I am the first up on the dance floor (on the two occasions I go out a year). But at the moment? I will be honest I am really overwhelmed. Life is totally changing and I am struggling to get my head round everything that is happening. I can listen to a song on the radio and burst into tears and my poor husband spends a lot of time looking at me in horror thinking "what the f*ck is up with her now then?".

As many of you will know next week I leave teaching to work from home. Some of you will know that I am also going on a holiday of a lifetime to Florida (we have saved SO HARD) and a few of you will know in the weeks after that? We move house. We leave the house where I walked out to go to get married, where I bought two babies home, saw them crawl, walk, made daft Easter bonnets in and the home where I went from me to a family of four with an insane dog and a murdering guinea pig.

I'll miss the door. SOB

And I'm totally and utterly overwhelmed. I struggle with change which is probably why I've been in the same job at the same school for 12 years, lived in our little house which we have long outgrew for nearly a decade and wear the same leggings I wore when I was pregnant. OK that bit may have something to do with the fact that I'm still a bit fat. It's crippling me. I'm packing away our life and in the process stumbling across dummies, tiny babygros and toys that I thought were long gone. I feel that I am leaving a home that contained babies and moving to a place that walls have never heard a newborn cry or had one of my children crawl up and down it's corridors.

There's a lot of "what ifs". What if I've made the wrong decision and I should have stayed in teaching? What if we move and my beautiful duo hate their new bedrooms? What if life changes? What if it's not like it is now? Where our routine is set and everyone is at peace (bar the bits where we all want to kill each other). When I was a teenager change meant excitement and adventure. Now it is just bringing worry and fear. I'm struggling to focus and rather than bubbly I'm bat sh*t.

I know that change can be amazing and if you come back to me in May I could be having the time of my life. My children could be running around a bigger garden and able to stand up in a room where they can't touch both sides when they outstretch their arms. I might be happy to be working for myself. Able to spend some days a week writing with no bra on (not appropriate for a teacher). But for the moment I'm going to have a little weep, eat ANOTHER Easter egg I've bought for the kids and ignore the fact that I've got whole house to pack up. Mini Eggs solve most problems. It's a fact.
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8 comments

  1. Aww! Bless you! You have so much going on at the moment. You are bound to feel overwhelmed.
    Sending hugs. Everything sounds so exciting.

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  2. There's a lot on your plate so it's only understandable Emma - so try not to beat yourself up too much. Ultimately you've made decisions to make things even better for your family and in time you will certainly see the benefit. Just soak it all up now and enjoy those Easter eggs ;)

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  3. It's completely fine to feel all of this. It's not only emotional but mentally and physically draining moving house.
    Of course your little ones will love their new house. Topsy and Tim did in the end despite moaning about it FOREVER. and teaching? Is always there if you need it. Children will always need lessons. (I'm a fellow teacher, well jel you're getting out!)
    You're brave and will have a fabulous holiday. Enjoy it all. Best wishes! (Not at all sure why my sign in for google is Lego Len. At all. )

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  4. I just had to comment because I've been there! And it worked out very well for me. We moved house in January 2014 (although the difference was that I really, really wanted to move) and I left my job to work for myself in March 2014. It's only looking back on the early days of my blog that I realised that I used to be really unhappy all the time. The job and the house were bleeding me dry and I was really down. Now I have space in all senses of the word and I am a much happier person and there for my kids more both physically and emotionally. I would never go back to working away from home again!
    Have a brilliant holiday!

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  5. Oh Em.... been there. Last month in fact. It is hard and I did a lot of random sporadic crying. But now we are in and starting to feel settled, we haven't looked back. I have to say I actually felt better the more that we packed, our home lost the sparkle that made it a home, and it became "just a house" as the stuff was packed away. And by moving day I felt a lot better about it all than I had before we started packing or as we first started boxing things up.
    We've done the house and the holiday the opposite way around, but I think it's nice to have lots going on, because it stops you getting too absorbed in one thing, which I think helps too. Just breathe, enjoy your chocolate, and know that in a couple of months time life will look a bit different but it'll be amazing! x

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  6. My hubby and I lived in my family 2 up 2 down, my parents had both sadly passed away. We bought it. Had a family. Then as you, we'd outgrown it. The time had come to move on, I had never lived anywhere else. We found a lovely new build. I was ruthless with all the saved baby things i'd previously kept, but my 2 are older than yours. We didn't need the things, but all our memories came with us. It took a long time for this house to feel like our home, but now if I drive by our old house I'm happy to remember all of my past.
    Have a fabulous Florida holiday (we are going in May). The move will fall into place, try not to stress, all will be good. Much love xx

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  7. My hubby and I lived in my family 2 up 2 down, my parents had both sadly passed away. We bought it. Had a family. Then as you, we'd outgrown it. The time had come to move on, I had never lived anywhere else. We found a lovely new build. I was ruthless with all the saved baby things i'd previously kept, but my 2 are older than yours. We didn't need the things, but all our memories came with us. It took a long time for this house to feel like our home, but now if I drive by our old house I'm happy to remember all of my past.
    Have a fabulous Florida holiday (we are going in May). The move will fall into place, try not to stress, all will be good. Much love xx

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  8. We moved house in Aug last year, when my eldest hadn't long turned 2, and my youngest was born 9 weeks early, in June. Me and my then 2yo back and forth every day, and baba got home just before we moved. I survived and so will you. Good times ahead, ride the waves

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