Tuesday, 18 April 2017

So It Looks Like You're Off To School...

Dear Beautiful Boy

Today I got the email I had been avoiding thinking about. The one that says you are leaving me. The one that says that as of September you are no longer mine but you are are going off out into the big wide world. You are off to school. When I wrote a similar letter to your big sister two years ago it didn't hurt quite so much as I had you. You were there to fill my days with giggles and cuddles. You were there to snuggle in front of the tele with me. Go on adventures to parks or pop to Poundland for treats your sister didn't know about. But now you're off too.

starting school

I never dreamt that I would have a boy. We are a family of girls. I only knew how sisters worked. I went to an all girls school. Boys have always been somewhat of a mystery to me so when I knew you were coming along I wondered how I would cope. But? You have been a delight. You love hard. Your cuddles can knock me over. Your kisses are sloppy and when you get cross? You lash out in a way that sometimes I have found difficult to understand. But somehow we muddle through it and get back to the hard hugs and wet pecks on the cheek.

back to school

I'm going to miss you my boy. More than you will ever know. You've been my shadow these past four years. You're different to your sister. Not quite as independent. Wary of strangers and always happy to watch from the sidelines. Behind closed doors? You are quite the showman. You dance, sing, run in a quiet room with a bra on your head shouting about boobies. Sometimes when I am washing up I will take a peek through the crack in the door and see you putting on a show for an empty couch. The house will seem quiet without you around.

starting school

I once heard you telling your sister that you love it when you're poorly. That when you are poorly it is great as "Mummy brings you all the best treats all day and gives you loads of cuddles". That's all you want from life. Me. All day every day. At your beckon call. Which isn't always possible when there's work to finish, vacuuming to be done. There's been times when I haven't been able to re-read your favourite nursery rhyme book with you. Or endlessly chat about who is better Thor or Iron Man.

starting school

But? With only one term left of your delightful company I have decided that from now on. The vacuuming can wait a bit. I'll work when you are asleep. I want to soak up every single bit of your amazing personality. I want to watch every single show you put on. Lie on the couch with you on top of me and chat about dinosaurs. This term is for us. Me and you. From September I will be alone but I know you will be fine. You will grow in the most extraordinary ways. Just like your sister has. And I'm excited to see what's next. If not a little worried I will be ever so lonely without you.

Love you forever

Mummy xxx

6 comments:

  1. You've cracked me - I'm crying! It was the bit about lying on top of you talking about dinosaurs (not that I want to do that with you. That would just be weird) Bahhhhhhh! Weeeep!
    My littlest doesn't start til who knows when - she's two, and I still don't understand about when kids start nursery or school and the term after they turn whatever age, and rising-4 mysteriousness. But I am bloody dreading it, as she is my bestie.
    Looking forward to reading about your adventures with little mister this term as I am sure they will be "epic" x x x

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  2. Bloody hell Emma!!!!!
    I wasn't expecting to sob into my nachos!
    This is beautiful, just like your little boy.
    In all seriousness I hope this last term is a blast! I'm so happy for you that you get all the time with him now you are working in a new role. What a wonderful time for you to share togerther!
    Happy days
    Sally xxxx

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  3. My littlest starts school in Sept too, she's been at school nursery this year but we've still had our afternoons together, watching endless repeats of Paw Patrol and Trolls, making 'things' with card and glue and glittery sh*t, baking cakes. I've been saying for ages I've been dreaming of this day, but goddammit I'm gonna miss the little diva and all her tantruming madness.

    But mostly cos I'm gonna have to look for a freakin job, a new job in my newly trained for chosen career. A job with kids, all day, every day. I'm (hopefully, if someone wants me) gonna be a teaching assistant. Having worked in my kids school for the last 3 school years as a parent helper I don't want to leave as I love it there. But times are a changing, so chin up, wipe that tear from my eye, best foot forward and march on into the future.

    Good luck to all the mummies with the fledgling who are learning to fly (who will be leaving the nest but will soon be back), you've done a good job xx

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  4. Oh wow totally crying, this explains exactly all my feelings today. My girl is in Year 1 and I was so excited for her to start school and whilst I am for my boy I'm so sad at the same time. Thank you for writing this ���� xx

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  5. My dude starts full days this Septmeber, too. The past 18 months of having him to myself every Thursday and Friday, felt like they dragged, on the bad days. But, looking back, the time seems to have gone by SO fast. Part of me is excited for the free time, and even the possible extra hours at work (not EVERY week, mind). You've got me feeling ready to bawl, Emma - which isn't an easy thing. As always, loving your writing x

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  6. Brings back so many memories for me reading this. I felt like I wasted my 2nd child's early year's being too busy willing her to grow up too quickly. I craved some 'me' time so much that I didn't fully appriciate my daughter. The guilt of this has been immence. Fortunately for me, I've been given amother chance. A chance to learn from all my past mistakes on the journey of parenthood.my tiny 3rd daughter lying here next to me, I'm savouring every moment. The vaccuming and the cleaning can most definitely wait. I'm not ever going to take for granted my time with this little person. 4 years of little people seems such a lifetime when you're tired and have been permanently tired since the first child came into being. But the tiredness lifts, you get to enjoy a shopping trip alone with no moaning or toilet breaks, you get to go to the loo in peace and you realise it really was only such a short time in your long life having the little people in tow. Do enjoy every moment you have left with your boy Emma!

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