Sunday, 10 September 2017

10 Reasons Mums Don't Look Like Tramps In Autumn!

Oh autumn you amazing thing of beauty. You are the one season in the year when us Mum's come into our own. When we feel slightly more human. In fact sometimes it can be said we even look "nice". Summer? Is hot and clammy. We can never tell if it's going to be a bit cold so we sweat in our Mum coats, forget to shave our legs and end up in maxi skirts and leggings all the time. Winter we worry about snow, forgetting mittens and slipping arse over tit in Matalan wellies. Spring is spent with our hood up moaning about the rain whilst we wait for summer. Which we have forgotten we hate.

But autumn? Is our season. Because in autumn our Mum's uniform can be passed off as an actual choice. That we went into a shop and decided to look a certain way rather than just shoving the nearest thing onto us as we run out of the door. So behold the 'looks' us Mums rock in Autumn. And for once? Feel part of the in crowd. Pinterest says we are bang on trend. And who are we to argue?

autumn fashion
Boots and a jazzy scarf basically makes me totes Kate Moss. FACT

Boots
We get to wear boots. We don't have to shave our toes. We can ease our feet into woolly socks and run to school, nursery or playgroup in a nice brown leather (or pleather from Primark) comfortable boot. I've even had compliments on my boots! You wouldn't find this happening in summer I tell thee. No one compliments a £2 pair of jazzy flip flops.

The 'Jegging'
Jeggings don't look ill placed in autumn. Oh no. They are what we should be wearing. Tucked into our boots and not just flapping over the top of our Birkenstock knock offs. Under a chunky knit, a jegging shows off the most flattering part of our bodies that hasn't been destroyed by a tiny person living in it. You know that bit just below your knee and before your cankle begins.

Cardigans
Mums love cardigans. Cardigans cover wobbly arms, cover tops that have a bit of baby sick on the shoulder and can even be used to sit on when you forget a picnic blanket in the park. You would be hard pressed to find a shop that doesn't sell cardys during autumn. Long ones that cover your arse, chunky ones that cover your mum tum and even a jazzy one for ready a Christmas night out. I like to bulk buy them and then I've got plenty to keep me going throughout the year.

Autumn fashion
THIS CARDIGAN COVERS MY ARSE SO I SHALL NEVER REMOVE IT EVER

Scarves
LONG LIVE THE SCARF! A scarf hides a multitude of sins. And they are cheap. No husband will moan when you buy a scarf. And he doesn't need to know that you have 43 hidden in your wardrobe. You can also do that thing when you wrap it over the bottom of your hair so no-one notices it looks sh*te. Aces.

Messy Hair
Autumn is about cosy. And messy. And ruffled. So a messy bun? Perfect for autumn. Or if your roots need doing quite badly? Say it's ombre. Say you are copying Beyoncé. You are bang on trend. And then shove the bottom of it in your scarf. And strut off in your Primark boots.

Hats
Dear person who made the 'hat' a fashion item. I want to snog you. Hard. It could be a woolly beanie. You may wear one of those fedoras. Or hell wrap a snood from the 80's round your head. Hats hide greasy hair. Hat's hide roots. Hat's hide faces. OK so sometimes other halves laugh when you wear a hat but f*ck them. They know nowt.

Autumn fashion
 I am happy. As I didn't have to wash my hair. HOORAH!

Sunglasses
"Oh the sun is so bright this morning. I need to wear sunglasses. It's nothing to do with the fact that underneath them I look like a f*cking tramp. No! It's a purely as it's a fresh sunny Autumn morn". Nuff said.

Thick. Black. Tights
I favour my tights to be black as the nights sky and coming right up to my tits. Don't tell anyone but I wore my maternity tights till my son was three. And only then stopped as the gusset went. Tights hold in bellies. Tights smooth out hairy legs. Tights? Were created by God for us to enjoy.

Big Coats
YES MUM COATS ARE AT LAST FASHIONABLE! You can go into any youth high street shop and see your bog standard Mum parka with a huge hood on sale. Whilst we look like hobos in them all the rest of the year? Combined with our brand new tartan scarf and boots from Primark? We basically look like Kate Moss.

Thick Pyjamas
As the cosy nights draw in staying in is the new going out. The youth post photos of themselves on instagram in the thickest pyjamas with candles glowing in the background. Which we have been doing...well for the WHOLE YEAR. If there's a season where pyjamas are fashionable? Then we Mums? Are forward thinking trendsetters!

So you've read the proof. We are now fashionable. In fact it appears the more of a mess we look the more in Vogue we are! So ladies, go forth, cover up and enjoy the most joyous of all seasons. It comes but once a year. So make the most of it.

Autumn Fashion
OH GOD I JUST LOVE AUTUMN

6 comments:

  1. Definitely over summer and can't wait until we can (legit) light the fire! Please tell me where your black boots are from? I'm also on the hunt for a waterproof jacket that goes over my bum (doing the school run for the first time ��) any recommendations?

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  2. OMFG you have literally hit the fashion nail on the head. I heart autumn and have had the ankle boots and long sleeve dresses ready since August. Not joking.

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  3. I am all over this Mum uniform right now!!! Although got massive sodding blisters yesterday doing the school run in them as my feet are so used to flip flops! Tights and parkers for the win. xx

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  4. In homage to Charlie and Lola Autumn is my favourite and my best! Finally not sweating my tits off and looking like one hot mess. I'm ready to invest in some new makeup, thick tights and have even found a lush scarf I like in H&M, need to go shopping now!!!! I find going out for family days in autumn more enjoyable as well. Emma you look stunning as always, do you have a responsibly priced makeup recommendations? I need to buy everything as I haven't worn anything for a long time. Feeling slightly out of touch if I'm honest. ��

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  5. Women wants to look precious and gorgeous. It is natural thing and we can check essay writing service to take the new design and style for us. In shopping time Try to keep in mind our religion.

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