Wednesday, 11 October 2017

The 'Not Sure What To Title It' Blog Post

Right. Weird post alert. There's not many times I write something and think "oh I probably won't publish that" but this is one of these. So if you are reading it "Hello!" and welcome to the insane whirrings of my mind. Let's start at the beginning. I began blogging four years ago. I used to find it quite easy to knock out six or seven posts a week about a variety of things. As time went on I started to review bits and bobs here and there. I enjoyed it. I worked hard at it. It was fun.

Then...I started to get the odd negative comment and now that is just a daily part of my life. Not so much focused on my inability of a Mother anymore (thank God). More targeted on the way I look. I am actually really good at brushing it away and getting on with my day. It's just part of the job. Sometimes I reply. Sometimes I block them. But I know they are going to pop up when I press publish. Generally on YouTube or Facebook.

What I didn't realise (and this may be the reason why I don't press publish) that social media still favours a certain kind of woman. And this doesn't mean I have anything against these lovely ladies. They are doing their thing. Getting the work. I don't begrudge them a penny. But it does mean that rejection is now a part of my daily life. From not getting campaigns despite having a wonderfully highly engaged audience, not being invited to fancy parties, not attending launches, just not being the right fit. Don't get me wrong I get to work with some wonderful brands but over the years along with the negative comments comes the realisation that..."hang on I'm REALLY not that cool am I?".

'Working' in bed

Now I'm a pretty self assured woman. I am confident. I enjoy being in a crowd. I love meeting new people. But at the moment even I feel ground down with it all. That I am not sure I have the fight in me to keep doing this. To keep working hard. I've started to focus a lot more on the negative than the positive. And I can't stop it. I lost all ability to see the wood from the trees. I am seeing myself more the way the world sees me, than those I love see me. Maybe I am lucky Stephen is married to me as no one else would have me. Perhaps my voice is annoying and really my recent influx of subscribers is because of new high profile friends and not the content and following I have worked so hard to create.

I'm not a jealous person. Some of my closest blogging mates are at the top of their game and with every new thing they work on I am like "YOU ARE AMAZING". I am lost. I am becoming a person made up of the negative way people see her rather than the positive way I am seen. I can't remember what people like about me. I can only focus on what people don't like about me. It seems to be the ways in which I am different to other social media Mums are the ways in which I now feel not good enough. So I have lost the plot a little bit but we all do from time to time and hopefully I will get my mojo back. If you made this to the end. Congrats. You now know my most deepest secrets! #emmaslosttheplot
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55 comments

  1. I love you as a content creator, and a person. You are easy to watch, I love your honesty in your writing. I’m not a mum, but I love watching your videos and relate so much to the feelings of insecurity you have! I’m having a ‘10 months til I graduate’ crisis and thinking of dropping out, but I’m not really sure where I see my life heading. I mean that’s not even relevant to this overall comment of HI EMMA I THINK YOU’RE GREAT but I guess we all empathise with struggling and feeling unsure in ourselves. Love ya xxxxxx

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  2. Em... you are an amazing, funny, beautiful woman! Sure, I found your channel through Louise which then led me to reading your blog but I didn't stay because you are friends with her... I stayed because I LOVE your content... I love following your wee family around on all your great adventures... I love watching YOU!

    I used to be a YTer (back in the day) so I know what you mean when you start to get bogged down with the negative and it really does take the fun out of it. But please, understand that it doesn't matter how we, your readers/viewers/friends, find you... we came and we stayed. Those people who take pleasure in spreading their negativity on others only do it through their computer. They are the keyboard trolls and would never EVER have the balls to say anything to your face and in fact, would likely shy away and be all fan-girly.

    You are a gem... finding someone my age on YT, who lives life as it should be lived (warts and all) is rare. You are a GEM! Please don't change and don't ever give up!

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    1. Oh I still miss your videos Lindsay!

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  4. Emma! You bloody well keep doing you! People read and watched you before high profile friends (loving watching your friendship grow btw.) Those that are around because of those friendships will either stay or they won’t, if they’re your people then great, if not then no loss.
    Brands will be particular with many for whatever reason and really, that’s no different from bloggers/vloggers turning brands down because they don’t fit. There are plenty out there that love you for you!
    Keep your chin firmly up!
    Lots of love
    Sherry
    aka stalkerish blogger/vlogger that pops on your comments, tweets and wherever else you appear because you’re fab and you’re kicking ass xx
    Ps, continue to kick ass!

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  5. Oh Emma!!! Ignore the rude little cretins that have nothing better than to troll you! You are SUCH a loveable character and I LOVE reading/watching your content. You are a true Mum and I aspire to be as good a Mum as you! Keep being you, because I bloody love it! Can’t get enough of your insta stories and your mad ramblings!!! You maniac! Hehe

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  6. Oh no Emma, this makes me sad! I genuinely love your fb/instagram posts & you tube vids! You never fail to make me laugh! In a world full of airbrushing & fakery, you are a breath of fresh air because you are real & relatable! I understand the insecurity because you are putting yourself out there which is really brave! Unfortunately the reality is that you're not always going to be everyone's cup of tea, goodness knows why they have to follow what you do just to be negative about it, they're clearly losers!! I guess it's human nature that we're all guilty of having opinions of others but worrying about it isn't going to stop it from happening so fook them, let the haters hate but don't stop being you because who else would you possibly be & there are several thousand people that think you're pretty damn fabulous!! I hope my ramblings make some sense lol!! Don't ever change bab, you bring a lot of joy �� Lots of love Shona xxx

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  7. Emma, you are real, that is why we love you. Keep doing what you do, and don't go changing.

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  8. You’ve pretty much summed up all of my thoughts at the moment my lovely. We can form our own club against the haters if ya like ❤️ Seriously though, it was a pleasure to meet you the other week and you continue to be an inspiration to many, myself included �� xx

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  9. Emma, I discovered your vlogs a few months ago and although I do follow the 'high profile' vloggers, yours is my absolute fave. You make me lol. Keep doing what you are doing and be your most fabulous self ��

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  10. Oh, dont know what I'm going to even comment but you know i like to get my opinion over sometimes, usually when 6ou have made me laugh so loud in bed the teenage son runs in thinking I'm having some kind of strange death, but I do want to say a few things mainly, 1) its hard once falling into the self critical stage to stop,Don't listen to eediots who post negativity because they clearly have crap lives and are projecting to make themselves feel better.
    2) with brands, I'd say a lot of that is to do with the types that work in PR coz I know thousands of women would be swayed by your advise, I've personally never had as many scented candles and fake cacti(sorry succulents)
    3) no I don't think people watch you because of famous friends, I think they found you via, but they subscribe because they like who they see, someone real, approachable, hilariously funny, enthusiastic, an amazing mum, a make up artist extodinaire, fantastic writer, warmth don't change xxx

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  11. you are literally my fav mummy vlogger /blogger. you make me laugh daily and the fact that you are a normal mum who loves tat fills me with joy as I do too ���� keep doing what your doing and remember social media is not the real world in the majority but you are showing real life and so many of us mums can connect with that!! xxxxxxx

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  12. You know what my lovely, I have been a fairly late arrival to the whole you tube thing and was blown away by how many people actually watch some channels. I have watched most of the 'popular' ones and found your channel through another smaller blogger miss budget beauty. I have to be honest here I much prefer the likes of you and her as you are 'real' for want of a better word, honest, funny and a genuine pleasure to watch. you don't know me and my opinion will carry no weight whatsoever, but for what it's worth I think you are fabulous and a beautiful person inside and out, keep em coming and don't let the negative Nancy's drag you down x

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  13. Nooooo! Your content is amazing! You are a yummy, funny, brummy mummy and you rock at it. Don't ever doubt that you're not good enough. Ignore the hate, at least you're not fake!

    From one brummy mummy trying to share my life through writing to another. You got this Bab! xxx

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  14. I had chronic pnd after my daughter.
    I'm not a gushy hugs and screams type of person but I can honestly say you kept me going. In my darkest hours you were there. When it very nearly ended in tragedy I read one if your posts and sought the help I clearly desperately needed.
    Ignore the hatred. Their petty minded negativity is a reflection of them not of you. I don't exaggerate when I say, in part, I owe my life to your words and honesty.
    Thank you. Please be there for the next woman (or man) who will find solace in your words and a smile in the darkness. Xx

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  15. Emma, many a night you have saved me from my drowning moments with your wit and endlessly charming and raw writings of motherhood.
    You may feel lost but believe in yourself. You have managed to make thid a full time job and hopefully its just the transistion after the sand has settled after the whirlwind so to speak.
    You are amazing, you are brilliant and I just wosh I had the talent and confidence you do. Chin up bab and grab a gin in a tin ❤

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  16. The reality is that we're not all cool, we don't all have perfect hair, skin and make up. Some of us like to work from bed (hello that was me today!). You represent all of us 'normal mums' so keep doing it!

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  17. Emma we all love you. Those that don't live alone watching back to back episodes of countdown and smell a bit musty. You don't want people like that to like you.
    We love you because you are beautiful, honest, funny, inspiring and REAL.
    I LOVE that you get excited by candles and stationery like I do. I LOVE the confidence you exude and wish I could be more like you. I LOVE how you are with your kids and how blatantly obvious it is how much you love them. I LOVE how much you have helped other mums with your honesty about the enormity of motherhood and its up and downs.
    You have always been, and will always be my blogging hero. I was so nervous about meeting you at BML last year in case you weren't that nice in real life. But you greeted me like you'd known me all my life (apart from the bit where you were shocked at how much of a short arse I am). And this year you remembered me and you remembered how you greeted me the first year, and that to me speaks volumes about what a genuine person you are, and how lovely you are.
    You are the kind of woman I want by my side on a night out. The kind of woman I can call up after a crappy day. The kind of woman I admire. The kind of woman I aspire to be.
    Now if I had written this post and you were responding I believe you would do so through the medium of song, so I'm channelling Christina.. "You are Beautiful, in every single way..."
    Please see yourself as the amazing person you are.
    Fangirl xxxx
    (Please don't send a restraining order)

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  18. 1.Don't change
    2.Keep werking
    3.Your strengths far outweigh your
    weaknesses
    4.20,000.00 subscribers
    5.Proud to be a
    5. etc etc
    XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX

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  19. I'm so sad to hear this. I truly find you inspirational in a word full of made in Chelsea type celebs. Often when I feel down about myself your blog and just how normal you are really cheers me up and makes me feel good again xxx

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  20. Ah, Emma, what makes you a target for a small minority of people is the same reason so many more of us love you. Because you are just you, take it or leave it - and most of us choose to take it because you're relatable. You are the way you are and if that's different from what other people expect, well, sod them. We see the positivity and not the negativity, and don't forget that. :-)

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  21. Oh Emma, I'm so sad to hear that you feel this way. Thanks to you I've learned to apply make up correctly at the age of 39, indulged my love of stationery with your haul vids and proper belly laughed at your brummy mummy antics. In this world of blogging and social media it's too easy to lose a little of ourselves along the way. I really hope you can chop some of those trees down and skip happily through the woods again x

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  22. This makes me sad, and also really sits with me because I relate so much. I did find your content because of Louise. I am a major Louise fan, and I think the two of you together are such a delight. That being said, I recently subscribed to you because I relate to you so much more than Louise and I find you approachable and like someone I would go on play dates with. That's nothing against Louise at all (I really do love her!!) and that's not me trying to dig at you either, it's honestly just something I love about you and caused me to subscribe to your channel. I don't feel pressured to look and be a certain way watching your content, like I do with many other youtubers. I love that you are real and not trying to pretend like you are a perfect mom and that you have to have the perfect house and perfect things. There really is something that stands out about you that maybe sponsors and other content creators don't see (and they are really missing out!), but your subscribers see it and love you for it! ❤️

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  23. New subscriber here. Yes, you probably got some new ones from your high-profile friends, but that's how the internet works. It's huge. You only find new connections through old ones. People wouldn't actually hit the subscribe button if they didn't like you. I'm happy to have some more non-skinny people in my social media feeds because how could I find outfit inspirations from all those size 8 girls.
    (Typed from my bed with hair in a bun that's still wet because I couldn't be bothered to blow-dry it, procrastinating work by reading through twitter)

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  24. Came to you from the 'high profile vlogger'.
    They colab with alot of people and I don't feel inclined to follow them. Not because I don't like them or what not but some times people grab you. You grabbed me (oohhh errr). You are a normal woman doing normal life and your funny and not fake or up your own hole.
    Keep doing you. Some people come to the internet to just be horrible. The nice normal people don't leave shitty comments it's the people who are lacking in life that do. Build each other up xxxx

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  25. You are my favourite! Don't stop and ignore the haters, they're probably just jealous. Honestly love reading your thoughts, they're always spot on and always always always make me feel normal. I imagine you'd be a fab person to go for a drink and dinner with and my kinda person.

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  26. It’s easy for me to say “ignore the haters” and “don’t read the comments” but it must be so very hard to brush those vile people off on a daily basis. But just know this....you are fab and as a welshy living in Brum I love how you represent the fab people of Brum with their quirky sense of humour. Keep going, you’re doing fabulously and hopefully those knobheads will start to learn that if you can’t say anything nice...then don’t say anything at all xxx lots of brummie luv bab xxx

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  27. Keep doing it for all of us "not good enoughs." You are smart, witty, kind, and I swear you make me buy things. I did not give a hoot about candles before I started reading/watching your content. Now I've spent easily $100 on them over the past few months. And, I love your stuff because it's real- yours is by far my favorite. Thanks for all of it.

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  28. I'm a not in the mums club yet and l love your blog and youtube channel. You are the one l keep coming back to watch, re-watch and l appreciate every part of how true to yourself you are. As Swifty said...haters gonna hate ...and they will no matter what we do. I sincerely hope you carry on being YOU online. Big hugs and loads of love. X

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  29. I know you've had it tough but the hate just comes from a place of jealousy. No matter what I've done in life..school, uni, jobs, school playground, blogging life there is always some jealous person to stick in the boot. Get a VA to remove all the nasty comments before you see them. You are amazing.

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  30. Hi Emma! You’re so brave for sharing, it’s not easy to do. I am currently battling with anxiety and often have thoughts about how terrible I look, how few friends I have, why would anyone like me? I have zero confidence at times but I never let it show. I can’t remember how I found your YouTube channel and blog but I am forever grateful that I did, you are a little light in my life. I was going to come to the last meet up but I chickened out.
    Thank you for the little comments you reply to me on Instagram, it really does make me smile.
    You are one of the genuinely good people in the world, you’re honest, funny and wonderful mummy. You are strong enough to keep going, take the day moments at a time. Simply just breathe.
    Lots of love,
    Kayla
    xxx

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  31. I read your blog long before your YouTube lead me to Louise!! You are my first blogging love! Don't change. Xx

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  32. I have to admit I found you from another blogger. Thank goodness! I’m not going anywhere, I love your ramblings and I bloody love a candle too,

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  33. I happened across your fb page when a friend shared a post of yours! I liked your frankness and authenticity from the start and I love your confidence and humour. I really hope you can see that this is a slump, it's the sad season starting....Sad shits Who have nothing better to do in their lives to follow a fb page, a real person, to pass cruel comments! How unkind and sad they are. This said more about them than you! You are fab! Come on Bab bounce back up and f**k them! Focus your time and attention on the likers, not the haters! Normal people don't go around destroying other human beings. Big love and hugs to you xxxxxx

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  34. I like that .....
    You’re honest
    You’re real
    Your brummie
    You make me feel less shit and remind me I am doing a good job.
    You’re crazy about candles/ Disney/ make up / stationary (all the things I love).
    You do hauls and vlogs of normal family life.
    Your confidence and attitude towards life has given me the confidence I needed.

    You are doing such a fantastic job! Don’t stop believing in yourself. You are fab. Chin up hun xxx

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  35. Hi Emma, I read plenty of blogs but I recently find myself sharing a "like", rather than leaving a comment - and maybe this is part of the problem. The positive voices are not speaking out, perhaps thinking that they will not be read amongst a sea of comments from your wonderfully highly engaged audience! When I started freelancing as a journalist, I wrongfully read the comments on my articles, searching for feedback and reassurance. It was a big mistake. I quickly realised that (as sad as it is) there will always be people who like to leave negative comments "just for the sake of it" - often unjustified, and frequently personal. It doesn't matter who you are, what you look like or what you do, this is the reality. I stopped reading the comments and found comfort in the knowledge that those comments were pointless (as they would never affect me) and that everyone who had taken the time to write one, had also taken the time to read and click my article, which ultimately helped me. It may not be the best way to deal with it, but I've still got my mojo! So, from someone who has never taken the time to comment on your blog or YouTube videos, keep going. Your content is amongst only one or two that I follow and you earned my interest simply by being yourself. :)

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  36. I recently found you through Louise and I have to say Ive stayed up way past the point I should have the past few nights reading, watching, laughing, crying etc. I love everything about you and your family! You are so relatable, real and I feel like you are just inviting us all in for a cup of tea!!! Keep on doing you!!! Because you have brought me so much joy these past few days when it was really needed!!!

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  37. Hi Emma,

    I'm not usually one to comment on things, I just like to float around anonymously enjoying reading blogs and watching youtubers, but I felt compelled to respond to this post. Although I did initially come across your YouTube channel because of your friendship with Louise, it was your content that made me choose to subscribe to you. I think you're brill. I'm 29, I work from home and life can get a bit lonely, but when I put your videos on I feel part of something. I genuinely enjoy watching, you're funny and relatable. I love that I have only just discovered you as it means I can binge watch your videos. Please never give up, you are amazing x

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  38. But seriously, Everybody loves you I'm sure. Ignore the well jell ones, I'm sure Louise gets a few of those too. You are the only vlogger I watch regularly and you never fail to make me smile. Love you as you are, don't care who your high profile or next door friends are, just wish I was one of them 😘 #fangirl

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  39. I think you're fabulous! I follow other mum bloggers but you're by far my favourite! My 4 kids are older now but I can still relate to your posts and love your writing style and brilliant hashtag ... And hysterical photos! The best bit about you is that you seem like the mum next door, albeit an especially funny one!! And you're gorgeous. Not that appearance really matters. But you are! I would like to have the courage to do what you do, but know for sure I could never do it as well as you do. Please don't stop! And please keep being totally honest! xx

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  40. Thank you!!! Thank you thank you!

    About time somebody jolly well said it. I watch/ read your stuff not for any other reason than you are a talented writer/Vlogger and make me LOL �� I have 3 kids and 5000 things to do in the day. I only found you recently but I know when I watch/read you I will get quality and honestly. I certainly don’t feel good enough for social media. I have to have breaks from it often. Because I am not skinny just a funny Aussie Mum. But you write so real it’s so refreshing I don’t get bored like I usually do half way through a blog post! Anyway big love Kate xo (@KateCO79)

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  41. OK. Listen up. You are one of my favourite bloggers, you are one of my favourite vloggers. You are one of my favourite humans. You are funny, kind-hearted and talented. What’s not cool about that? You bring support and humour to SO MANY PEOPLE. What’s not cool about that? Screw the other bloggers who get campaigns and invites. None of us get all the campaigns and invites we’d like. But don’t allow yourself to fall into the validation trap - your worth is not decided by other people, whether they are readers, PRs or bloggers. Alison xx

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  42. This will be the easiest comment i ever write.
    I started watching you on recommendation of mikhila mcdaid. I have watched every video and read every blog post from that day. This isnt out of habbit but out of genuine enjoyment. I like to watch and read about someone who i can relate to. Just a normal mum who doesnt have her shit together on a daily basis, someone who aspires to be the best of who they are. Someone who if you take the world away is 100% there for her family. You started your blog to help other mums just like you. To prove you dont have to be insta or pinterest worthy to still have it all. To prove normal is the new cool. You have won awards just for being you. If that isnt cool i dont no what is. There is no pretence with you, you get what you sign up for and that is exactly what makes people sign up. You dont want to fit in to a society that says you have to be x,y or z. You want to fit into an Emma soze society and you shouldn't change that for anyone. Keep it real, keep it you.

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  43. I have severe depression and have been incredibly depressed over the last few months. I'm not a mum but I follow you on your tube and Instagram because your posts make me feel better. You are so full of joy and when I watch your videos it feels like I'm visiting a friend and it helps me maintain my daily life. Next time something negative happens please remember that you are helping someone cope with a debilitating illness and for that I am really grateful.

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  44. I totally understand what you mean. I saw you speak at Britmums (really wanted to say hi but you know, shyness!) and was completely in awe of how genuine & down to earth you are. You are real, and that's why we all love you - you remind me to be myself completely and not give a shit what anyone thinks! Seriously keep doing what you're doing, you are amazing xxx

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  45. Push on through- you are doing amazingly. I am new to all things blog/vlog/YouTube at the age of 40 and the revolution is coming! Only over the last few months have my mummy army started watching YouTube. We are (slowly) getting switched over to it by our junior kids watching Dan TBH. You make relevant, funny and real content that is definitely our bag. Advertisers are misguided we are the ones that have the most disposable income and no we skinny and fresh faced! We want to know if those jeans will pull us in but not make us want to throw up! We want to know if that concealer will sit in our wrinkles. Keep going- we'll be with you shortly.

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  46. I love watching you because your accent reminds me of my favourite aunt who's my "spare mum". People laugh when I say I love a Birmingham accent but it's just so bubbly!
    Love your blogs vlogs and insta posts. Don't let anyone put out that happy fire that burns inside you. X

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  47. I nearly didn't comment on this post as so many other people have said fantastic uplifting things better than I ever could, but I just wanted to add my bit and say don't give up, you have more mojo in your little finger than most. I love your blog and always think "now there's a woman I'd like to go on the pi*& with!

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  48. Honestly, the negative people that hide behind their screen saying shitty things just aren't worth your time. Block them bab and move on. I'd much rather see the real you and judging by the comments on this post I think your genuine followers would as well. Us mums aren't cool most of the time but that doesn't mean we're not great. And the companies that don't want to feature you are making a big mistake. Love your blog, love your posts and love you.

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  49. Hi Emma, I've not commented in ages on here or YouTube, I'm sorry, I do watch every video & read every post, just been going through some yuk & not myself BUT all that yuk is made better by sitting in bed with my headphones on laughing at you or smiling along, last night I had a bad night but loved your outfit video, you are so relatable & lovely & id rather have a million of you than 1 blogger/vlogger with a massive ££££££££ house & a massive Range Rover with perfect hair & makeup at 8.30am & perfect nails etc etc they aren't relatable at all, your house is gorgeous & id love it but you're not showy, you're real & I look to you for fashion ideas as I love your style & I love your videos vlogs/hauls anything because you are YOU & youre amazing. I like you because you're funny, you have the same sense of humour as I do, you're lovely, you're relatable, you've got great style, you are real & don't sugar coat stuff, I could go on but basically I like you because you are you! And you are fabulous, don't forget it!!! Lots of love ❤️ Zoë xxxxx ps sorry this is an essay xxx

    www.mammafulzo.com

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  51. We don't have much in common. I am not a mom. I have never been married. I am 5 years older than you. I am American. I don't care about candles or stationery, although I admit they are nice. What draws me to your writing and your channel is just you. You are grand.
    I feel like you are one of my oldest friends, even though I have only known you exist for about a month. I go back and watch your old content because I love your voice, I love your humor, I love how you love your family and your enthusiasm for for all your favorite things. You are contagious. You are the most perfect you out there and I wish you every good thing. Blessings to you and yours.

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  52. Awww Bab, I heart you
    My sister told me about you (she lives in water orton and I live "down south") and in a funny way we feel closer because of you and your fabulous ways and laugh so much over your posts (with you, not at you)
    Don't stop for a minute being you xxx

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  53. Well if this isn't proof that you never know what's going on inside someone's brain and that what you see isn't always the most accurate reflection, I don't know what is! Heavens Emma you've achieved more than most of us could dream of. You're way too good and strong (from what I can tell) to let the shallow society we live in and the sick media that has always been around, wreck your head and make you start seeing yourself negatively. Big hugs x

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