Monday, 30 April 2018

10 Things You ARE Allowed To Say When You're A New Mum

Being a Mum is one of the most rewarding jobs on the planet but sometimes? It can also be the hardest. We are supposed to be perfect super humans who just adore and relish EVERY single moment. This week is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. A time to support those women who are meant to be cherishing every second of being pregnant or relishing every moment when their gorgeous little one is born. But? Unfortunately they don't due to their mental health. Every day I receive messages from readers saying "I'm so glad it's not just me". So to reassure you here are ten things you ARE allowed to say if you're a Mum...and remember it's? NEVER just you.

"I'm so f*cking tired"
Find me a Mother who isn't tired and I will give you a million pounds. Having a baby is the most exhausting time of your life. Sometimes the only way to get through? Is to have a little cry, eat a copious amount of cake and nap when you can.

"I'm really bored"
Being a Mum can be really boring. Sure there are those moments when the baby is awake and there's loads of cuddles and giggles. But there are also the times when they are asleep. And you are stuck in the house. Or when they are toddlers and they want to watch Peppa on repeat. Doesn't mean you hate your child. You just? REALLY hate Peppa #peppaisaknob

"I'm lonely"
Loneliness is something that is really hard to admit to. You are on maternity leave. You should be living the high life. Being a lady wot lunches with millions of new Mum mates. But more often than not I was found roaming the streets with a sleeping baby willing someone to talk to me. I turned to social media and writing to help me. You may prefer baby clubs. Whatever gets you through.

Maternal Mental Health
You teeny sleep thief you

"I'm unhappy"
"BUT HOW CAN YOU BE UNHAPPY YOU HAVE A BABY"? We are meant to be grateful 24/7. And we are. But that doesn't mean that we have to be happy all the time. It's OK to be unhappy. The sheer lack of sleep is enough to tip any sane person over the edge.

"This isn't what I thought it would be like"
It just isn't. It's not like the films. It's not like it is on social media. There are the highest of highs but also the lowest of lows. You may be able to cope with some things amazingly but other things you are shocked by how difficult they are (potty training nearly killed me, seriously). Pat yourself on the back for the mini triumphs and don't beat yourself up to much about the failings.

"Is there something wrong with me?"
The unwillingness to be a bit more honest about parenting can lead to you feeling that there is something wrong with you. That everyone else has got it sussed. I promise that they haven't. They are just better at hiding it than you. Maybe find someone you know really well who has a baby and ask them how they are coping. You may be surprised to find not as well as you think.

Maternal Mental Health
No really I'm fine! (OH GOD IT'S SO HARD!)

"Is there something wrong with my child?"
As with everything in life motherhood comes with comparisons. You may leave a baby club thinking "why won't my son sleep through the night?". Or pick your daughter up from nursery concerned that they aren't able to jump like the others. Milestones are there as a guideline and children will do things in their own time. But there's not shame in asking your health visitor for advice. That's what they are paid for.

"I need a break"
No mother is an island. Your husband may be back at work. Or your parents may think you are coping well but sometimes? You just want a hot shower and a cup of childfree hot tea. There is nothing wrong with wanting some alone time. If anything? It will make you a better parent.

"I need some help"
At lot of the above are normal thoughts that we may not talk about. But 1 in 5 woman suffer from PND and their thoughts go above and beyond what we are thinking. If you are worried that you are struggling more than the average mum then you need to get help. With a fifth of all Mums feeling the same way as you? It's more common than you think. Chat to your doctor or look for PND sites online.

Maternal Mental Health
The utter loves of my life

"I love them so much I might die"
Just as it's OK to feel sad, tired and moan? It's also OK to love your children so hard you want to pop their heads off. That's normal too. Even during the potty training days (shudder) I would look at my little girl and want to weep at how wonderful she was. Motherhood is hard, it is rewarding and it is? Well a total head f*ck isn't it?
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4 comments

  1. This is brilliant! I'm 7 weeks in with my new baby and it's a bloody rollercoaster! Thank you for normalising my 'madness' x

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  2. This is a brilliant blog post. I am a mother to a 9 week old gorgeous girl and have felt most of these in the past few weeks. Even with the strongest support its hard to not feel them sometimes. Thank you for writing it and keeping me sain through the night feeds and baby naps. X

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  3. Even now I can’t admit I’m lonely on my social media. It seems too needy, too desperate to shout into the black void of Instagram that I want more people around me. I guess because I don’t want to have to read any comments pitying me. Or to come across as if I’m not coping. I am. It can just be achingly lonely at times.

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  4. God I needed to read this tonight. Thank you.

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