Thursday, 26 April 2018

My Body And Me

Let me start off by saying I am a little bit fat. I know I am a little bit fat. I am not a little bit fat because I have just given birth. My youngest is five. I am a little bit fat as I really love cake, chocolate, gin and watching the television. There is no excuse for me being a size 18 but recently I have started to feel OK with being the way I am. That's not saying I don't look at photos and think "Jeez I would LOVE to look like that" as I do. As it creeps closer to summer I worry about the tops of my arms jiggling and start researching the best swimming costumes to hold my gut in.

In my life I have been everything from a slim size 12 to a larger size 22. And all the pit stops in between. I've cried in River Island when I couldn't get a top to fit me. And I lost five stone on Weight Watchers to make sure one did. I can assure you when I was a size 12 I had hang ups about my "pillow belly" as an ex boyfriend (bellend) so lovingly called it. Just as I was mortified when my size 20 trousers got holes in the legs from my thighs rubbing together. As women we are never quite right are we. Not the right age, not the right size, not the right look. Nothing is ever quite right. We never feel quite right.


Around 18 months ago it really began to effect me. Being in the industry I am in you are constantly comparing yourselves to other people. Just like with any other job. Expect for rather than judging each other on your skills. It tended to be on the way people's houses look, their figures and the clothes they wear. Disgustingly shallow but those thoughts crept in non the less. I would really worry about what clothes to put on. There is a certain 'look' on instagram. And it is one I cannot pull off no matter hard I try. I look a proper plonker. A crap copy cat. Much like when I got a shaggy perm and lace gloves like Madonna in the 80s.

It would eat me up inside when a job I was up for would go to someone just because they looked better than me. Not only am I a bit fat I am also a bit old. A combination which isn't ideal for brands. But then I did something. I stopped worrying about what everyone else was wearing and decided to wear what I wanted to. I found brands like Joanie with dresses that show off my big wonderful boobs but hide my mum tum. I scrolled ASOS and picked items that looked a bit trendy and gasp...fitted me. I started to not give an actual sh*t. People would say "god isn't so and so's outfit today lovely". And I would agree and happily think "yeah it would look terrible on me though".


Because that's OK. I am finally happy to turn up to events or meetings and watch the beautiful skinny people in their amazing clothes look all gorgeous. As I know I have got a cracking rack. And with the right dress, the right lippy and the right attitude I can look just as good. Well you're right. Probably not just as good but I can feel just as happy. The world needs more people to strut their stuff online and show off their best assets regardless of their size.

So to sum up. Bodies are weird things that we can loathe. They can hold us back. They can make us feel sad. But they can also be dressed in clothes that make us feel amazing and on the right day, in the right light, with the right filter we can look f*cking beautiful. But to look proper beautiful. You really and truly have to believe it yourself (which sounds like a terrible inspirational quote...but is completely and utterly true).
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20 comments

  1. I think you look fantastic,you look like a real woman not like a stick insect,us curvy women have a bit more meat on our bones,be proud of our curves.

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    1. Hiya, just to let you know it isn’t that nice to insinuate that thin women aren’t ‘real women’ and call them ‘stick insects’. Just the same as you wouldn’t compare a larger lady to a large animal or say she isn’t a ‘real’ woman. We’re all ladies here and no body is right or wrong. I know you weren’t trying to be mean but body shaming comes to all shapes and sizes and we should celebrate everyone x

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    2. The problem is Matilda that in the real world, skinny people don't get shamed at all. They have an infinitely easier life.

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    3. Some skinny women are desperate to put on weight but can't - all shapes and sizes can struggle, no one's life is easier just because they are thinner! And most skinny people are criticised for being too skinny/look unhealthy. All women are beautiful!

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  2. Oooh this made me so happy! You really do look fab. Wonderful,down to earth post.
    I'm normally a silent stalker but I had to post as I love this so much!

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  3. What a fantastic attitude you have. I actually love your dress sense and style as you wear it so confidentially, which makes a huge difference.

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  4. Love this! Love you! Will try and love myself .... currently 8 months pregnant so bit hard but will work on it!

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  5. I love this Emma so much! Thank you for being you and being great! I’m the same size of you and always look at you and louise pentland as a inspirational woman and I love to see you showing your real bodies... so I just want to say thank you please keep doing what your doing! X

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  6. This is the first blog I have read of yours and I am punching the air!!! It sooo speaks to me....I have lost 3 stone in weight and am a curvy size 14. And I am happy with that. I am embracing colour like never before (stepping away from safe black) and have found a confidence I didn't know I had even at the age of 45! Seeing in your cossie made me realise it's not about our body, it's our attitude and positivity that makes us awesome!! Xx

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  7. Your such an amazing role model not only to your kids but us Joe bloggs public!

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  8. My teen came running over to me a couple of days ago and showed me your Instasory thing and said have you seen BrummyMummy, she looks amazing in a swimming costume! You do and you are an inspiration to my girl. She doesn't have much body confidence but she see's people like you doing what you do and she believes in herself that little bit more. x

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  9. You've hit the nail on the head there. For the record I think you look amazing! I've been feeling not quite right for a while now - I'm getting married in June and had all the grand plans about losing weight for my wedding dress and I haven't lost a pound. Now Im a month away all i can think about is how flabby my arms are going to look and its stopping me being excited about the day! If only we could stop comparing ourselves and putting ourselves down eh! Much love xxxx

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  10. Go you! You do look fantastic in both the dress and the swimsuit. I'm thin, but I don't fit in because I'm too old, my kids are too old, I don't wear make-up etc etc. There will always be someone judging us harshly for something, so it's great to see you rising above it.

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  12. I'm sure this will be an inspiration to many women, larger or smaller. I've known so many who have yo-yo dieted (is that just a US term?) for decades - not good. Better to just gradually change eating habits for the better, eating for health. Nothing wrong with a bit of cake now and then! :D

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  13. You are gorgeous and I love following you.....you are inspirational about everything normal yummy mummies have to cope with.....big/small....perfect/not perfect life ❤❤❤
    I answered a questionnaire the other day...if there was a pill to make you slim....make you wealthy etc....I chose happiness....that's what makes the love go round....you certainly spread the love ❤❤❤thank you ❤❤❤

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  14. I love you Em! You make bloggers real people. You're so down to earth and honest. I'm so glad you love who you are and how you look because I for one think you're awesome xx

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  15. Loved reading this. I'm just a few months postpartum, but I'm wondering just how much effort I want to make to shift the weight. As an "older" mum I know it's going to be a lot harder for it to go. The weird thing is I forget and still think I'm a size 12 until I see a photo of myself.
    But I realise when I see photos of you and others who are showing that you can look just as good even if you're not a size 10/12 that it's more about what you wear and how you hold yourself than your actual size.

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  16. Woo yeah! love a good dose of body confidence. You look fab lovely, don't let anyone tell you any different, it's not their opinoin that counts, it's yours.

    And congratulations, this post has been added to the #BlogCrush linky by someone who thought it was super fab! Feel free to collect you “I’ve been featured” blog badge.

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  17. You are fabulous! Beautiful, gorgoeus and fabulous! Keep that body confidence up around all the littles! They need it in this tough place called the world! Did I mention, Beautiful! xoxo #BlogCrush xoxo

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