Tuesday, 5 June 2018

The Five Stages Of RELENTLESS Washing

Denial
It may be a pile in the corner of your bedroom or an overflowing basket of tiny grubby pants in your bathroom. Worse it could be FOUR CASES WORTH from a recent holiday. Wherever the washing is lurking. And believe you me it will be lurking somewhere. You choose to ignore it. Until you realise that you can't get any more stains out of school clothes with baby wipes and your jeggings have seen better days (#saggyass). It's time to crack on with the never ending relentless task of washing.

Anger
"WHY IS THERE SO MUCH WASHING? WHY IS THERE ALWAYS WASHING TO BE DONE? WHY DO YOU ALL HAVE TO WEAR SO MANY F*CKING CLOTHES ALL THE TIME? WHY ARE YOU SO TALL AND HAVE TO WEAR GIANT TROUSERS TO WORK WHICH FILL UP THE BASKET? WHY IS THIS MY JOB? IS MY REAL NAME CINDERFOOKINGRELLA? IS IT? WHHHHYYYYY? I F*CKING HATE YOU ALLLLLLLLL"


Bargaining
OK so it's not that bad. If you separate them out into different piles it will be fine! You can get it all done in a day. You can shove it all on the line whilst feeling like a smug super Mum. Soon it will be an empty basket in the corner of the bathroom. And you can stop staring at it when you wee with anger. YOU CAN DO THIS!

MY LIFE IS SO GLAMOROUS 


Depression
So that's one pile for coloureds, one pile for whites. OK clearly you need two of each piles. And you better add a pile on for the reds that ruin everything. And then you may as well do one for towels. And it's probably a good idea to do a pile for sheets as well. And better do the other halves shirts separately for fear of totally f*cking them up again. It's not that bad is it? That's only...9 loads. 9. Loads. Of. Washing. You think you will just go and have a little lie down face on the bed for a bit before you get stuck in (weeps slowly whilst walking off muttering something about "f*cking burning it all").

Acceptance
Over 48 hours you have done 9 loads of washing. Done. Smashed it. It wasn't so bad! OK there as that bit where I screamed at the lack of sun and had every radiator in the house covered in stupid f*cking 'non tumble dry' items. And that other bit where you were SO angry about having to put it all away that you had a little cry when another coat hanger broke in your hand. But it's fine. And surely that is enough washing done that the basket will remain empty for at least another week...it's not like it's filled up to overbrimming in the past two days again is it? That would be impossible!!!*

*see Denial.
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3 comments

  1. With 6 of us in the house I cant actually remember the last time I saw the bottom of the washing basket but I do actually enjoy the washing part, it's when it's clean and dry and sitting at the bottom of my bed that I hate it!

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  2. You must be proud you survived the 5 stages ;)
    What about the pinks? When our daughter was born a whole new category of laundry was also born. :'(

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  3. The worst part of washing is that it tricks you. You're like oh okay I can do this washing and I'll hang it out to dry. But that's not the end. Then you have to take it in! I don't have time for this. I have work to do. Why is this a two part mini-series (of washing)?

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